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*The Pillars of Community XII: Getting Rid of Gossip*
*James 3:2-12*
*/March 22, 2009/*
*Prep: *
· Methodist pledge (leftovers)
· Notes & Scriptures
Intro
A tongue only weighs about *3 ounces*, yet has the power to do more damage than any other part of the body.
I don’t think that is an exaggeration.
· Think back to times when you have *been hurt* by others’ words, or when you have *hurt* *others*.
As we continue looking at *building* *community* at The Gathering, it is vital that we look at the damage that the tongue, specifically *gossip* and *slander*, can do within the community.
· The tongue can start *great* *fires*, and the last thing we want is to spend our energy *putting* *out* fires rather than *growing*!
Today we will begin by looking at what gossip is, why it is such a big deal, and how we can stop in our community.
Prayer
Help us carefully consider our own *habits* of *speech*, not think about how our neighbor or spouse needs this, but how we do.
*It’s kinda a big deal*
Gossip is one of those sins we really *undervalue*.
We live on this stuff.
How much more *boring* would the grocery check-out line be without *People* and *National* *Enquirer*?
Even though these mags.
do some damage (remember the *paparazzi* “killing” Princes Di?), these gossip magazines cause far *less* damage in our individual lives that *personal* *gossip* and *slander*.
But really, *how* *big* of a deal is it?
Even as I wrote this, I *struggled* to *appreciate* just how big.
I mean it’s not like *murder* or anything.
But notice Paul’s “*most* *wanted*” list:
*Romans 1:29-31 * 29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity.
They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice.
They are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31 they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless.
As I have said, *sin* is that which God tells us to avoid because it *hurts* *us*, our relationship with God and others.
But when we *don’t* *understand* how a sin is destructive, it’s best to *trust* God that it is, and then perhaps we can *look* and see *why*.
Ä First, let’s look at what gossip and slander *are* and *are* *not*.
is it gossip?
One good *definition* is that gossip is *condemnation* for the sake of *entertainment*, which is pretty good way of looking at it, having fun judging others, but *isn’t* as *complete* as I’d like.
Here is a good working definition:
“Gossip is sharing negative information about a person or group, which may or may not be true, to a person who doesn’t need to be involved and without godly motivation.”
· *Slander* is *similar* to gossip, I’ll cover the *difference* *later*.
Person or group
Notice gossip can be directed against a person or group.
It’s obviously about individuals, but *Christians* are *notorious* for *slandering* other churches, to the *detriment* of the Gospel.
*John 13:35* “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
· *Missions* in China was significantly hampered because of feud between the Jesuits and Franciscans
I want us as a church to be *diligent* about *speaking* *well* of other *churches* and *believers* unless there is a very pressing reason to do otherwise.
· I frequently *commend* *other* *churches* to folks if I think they would be better served there, even if I don’t fully agree.
I *charge* you to *speak* *well* of your brothers and sisters in Christ – no *superiority* or *dissention* coming from this church!
Ä Let’s *unpack* that *definition*, and in doing so, we will have a *four*-*part* *test* to discover if we are gossiping.
*Negative information*
The first test for gossip is if it is negative information.
If something being said is *negative*, there is a *high* *chance* that it is gossip or slander.
This test is a more *complicated* than if the *words* themselves are negative, it also has to do with what is *meant* and *implied*.
Are the words meant to *demonstrate* *honor* and *respect*?
· E.
G.: “Church X is really good at *entertaining* people.”
Q *How* do you *know*: Would you say it the *exact* *same* *way* in *front* of the person?
Ä If it’s negative, it’s probably gossip, three more test.
Is it true?
Second, is it true?
We are *responsible* for the *veracity* for anything we pass on.
If we *repeat* it, we’re *responsible* for it.
· We can even be *legally* *liable* if we share negative information with “disregard for its truthfulness.”
*Matthew 12:36 *But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.
If we *can’t* *verify* something, it cannot go any further, unless it is *so* *serious* we cannot take the *risk*, in which case we have to be *clear* *about* our *doubts*.
Need to know basis
Next, does the person you are talking to need to be involved?
Two *managers* talking about an employee’s lousy work prior to a *pay* *review* are not gossiping.
· The *majority* of gossip that I see and participate in has to with involving people who do *not* *need* to be *involved*.
Negative information needs to be treated on a strict “*need*-to-*know*” basis.
Think back to some negative information that you have passed on – did they genuinely need to know?
· “*Praying*” for someone is not “need to know”!
BTW: What if you *genuinely* want to *pray* for someone?
Then get their *permission* or pray by *yourself*; God will still hear you!
Here are some *questions* to ask yourself:
Q Are *they* directly involved?
Q Are *you* directly involved?
It may *not* be *your* *business*!
Q Are they in a *position* of *authority* over the other person?
· Recently, a person was told something they shouldn’t have been told, yet is concerned them, so they *came* *directly* to me, as the other person’s authority, and left it in my hands.
Ä If it is negative, yet the other person need to know, it still may or may not be gossip, depending on the last test.
Why are you telling me?
With the example of the *managers*, the conversation can still *devolve* into *gossip* depending on how they share what they share.
Talking about their *punctuality* is appropriate, but *mocking* them or *judging* their *character* is not, nor is bringing up their *dating* track *record*, basically “*condemnation* as *entertainment*.”
The final test is: Are you speaking with godly motives, seeking the good of everyone involved, motivated by love above all else?
· This test is where it gets *tricky*, because even if we *should* be talking, it is so easy to speak for the *wrong* *reasons*.
*Ephesians 4:29-31 * 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Our reason for speaking must truly be to *build* *everyone* else *up*.
And notice *what* *happens* if we our instead tears down:
30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
*Why* does it grieve him?
Because it tears apart the “*fellowship* of the Holy Spirit” (more on that in a moment).
Therefore, Paul charges us to get rid of all *sins* of *speech*:
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
Ä So in order to be avoiding gossip, our discussion must be motivated by love.
But what *usually* *motivates* us?
*Why we gossip and slander*
1.
*/Gossip is a way to judge/* other people, and by comparing come up ahead – it is *spiritual* *pride*.
· That is why *celebrity* *gossip* is so popular – it’s like *shooting* *fish* in a barrel!
Was that gossip?
2.
*/Gossip is a way to feel like an insider/*.
We value our insider status more than we love people.
· We gossip because we want to *feel* *better* about ourselves.
Ä Now *slander* is a little bit *different*: It’s very similar to gossip, except slander *intends* to *harm*, to damage their *reputation*.
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