Sermon Tone Analysis
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Intro
It is so good to be with you this morning.
I am particularly excited about what we are going to be talking about the next few weeks: Relationships.
We are calling our series a Relationship Tune Up.
This Tune Up is for all relationships.
So, whether you are married or single, have kids or never want them, are in school or work all the time, these next few weeks are going to be so practical and helpful for ALL OF US.
We intentionally called it a Tune Up, but there are a lot of ways to look at a Tune Up.
CARTOONS
A Tune Up is for everybody, everywhere, all the time.
You don’t wait until it is too late to get a Tune Up, instead the idea behind a Tune Up is to keep things running smoothly so you aren’t out of commission later on for repairs that could have been avoided.
STORY: Brandy and no oil change.
I don’t believe my sister ever drove her car for tens of thousands of miles again without a routine oil change.
There are things we do in our life that are routine maintenance.
It doesn’t mean there is something wrong, instead it means that we value something enough to take care of it.
And I believe RELATIONSHIPS are and should be that way in our life.
PERSONAL STORY: Some of you may relate this same way, but my take on relationships was if it ain’t broke why try to fix it (meaning even try to improve it).
If it is working, why mess with it.
From cars to relationships, I think this can be a common approach.
The problem was when I saw an Amazon wishlist for Books that my wife had made.
Titles like “The 5 Love Languages,” “Love Dare,” “Respect Dare.”
I was offended.
Why would she think we needed these books?
What does she think is SO wrong with our marriage?
I didn’t say it, I probably didn’t have enough emotional intelligence to self-recognize it, but I felt like a failure when I saw this list.
We laugh about it now, but this is our marker for recognizing how we each approach improvement differently.
What was yours?
Did someone mention getting counseling?
Maybe even the retreat we just had and the series we are entering seems so irrelevant to you.
But if you will allow it, the Lord will use these things to bring you more peace, to bring more reconciliation in all areas of your life.
The past few weeks we talked about how God Makes All Things New, and I believe one of the biggest areas where God likes to renew things in our lives is our relationships.
2 cor 5:17-19
God sent His Son to renew all things in our lives, and the catalyst of Christ’s work can often be found in someone near us.
What do I mean by that?
I mean that while we may take pride in our rough edges, the Lord is seeking to make us more and more like Him in all ways.
Where everything, including our relationships, are less about us, and we are willing to embrace the various forms of the crucible to see our lives become less selfish, self-serving, and more UPWARD and OUTWARD focused.
The Greatest Command: Love God & Love Others.
vs. 17-19 The renewal that Christ has done IN US, He now wants to do THROUGH US.
One set of conditions or relationships has passed out of existence (parēlthen, aorist); another set has come to stay (gegonen, perfect).
But when we begin to look at our relationships, we see that we all bring something to the table, good or bad.
We all come to every single relationship with bias, based on experiences and desires.
So, to help us today I want us to look at how we all come with desires and even expectations.
Those expectations can effect the healthy and satisfaction we get our of those relationships if we don’t address them properly.
And then we can improve upon those with good communication.
So, those are the two things we are going to talk about today.
Communication
Expectations
Communication
This is where I personally experienced conflict when I was first married, and recognize how crucial it is in all of my relationships.
EXPECTATIONS
Andy Stanley says we all have expectations, and we all have reality.
What lies between them is conflict.
And how we manage our expectations often determines the amount of enjoyment, the amount of conflict, event he amount of growth we experience.
We all come to our relationships with our own perspective.
We just can’t help it.
It was the way we were raised or weren’t raised.
Our perspective comes from what we experienced.
And we can’t help that we are the sum of our relationships and experiences.
Those are the things that have made us what we are today.
(Amazon wish list)
BOX: DESIRE/EXPECTATION
Others of us drive the car until it doesn’t run any more and then just trade it in for a new one.
HOUSE, DIAPER, CAR, CLEANING PRODUCT, CLOCK, MOO MOO, $$$
Single: extraordinarily glad you are here.
Just feel sorry for the people who are married and have all these struggles, plus you will get to do it right the first time.
When we get married or even many years before we have collected a life, a box full of desires.
When we come to getting married or even many years before we get married we have collected a life, a box full of desires.
We all have these in common.
We all come to our relationships with these.
The problem is that these desires that we have are OURS.
They are all about US.
ME, ME, ME.
I, I, I.
(Box Desire: house, diaper, car, clean, clock, won’t wear to bed at night (moo, moo), financially)
Leave
We only wish and desire what we know to wish and desire.
In marriage, we come down the isle with these.
We even talked about some of these desires with our fiance.
But after saying I do, or on the honeymoon, or that first week, month, year we begin to transfer these desires into EXPECTATIONS.
We don’t know exactly when it happened or why it happened, but all the desires we had for this relationship have now become expectations.
What I grew up experiencing is now no longer what I just want but what I expect.
This happens in the church.
You bring your previous experiences, good or bad.
You expect a certain level of involvement, of warmth/distance, of inclusion.
The list can go on.
You even bring in with you your pain.
Whether you were hurt at a church or just in life, you bring that with you, and so you begin to expect things of other people to help you.
You want healing but you don’t even feel invited.
You read into someone not responding right away to your text or Facebook Message.
It is still all about, I.
And desires even good desires become expectations.
We are not sure how it happen or when it happened.
I mean after all you are my wife or my husband.
This is a church, you are Christians, right?
That is what you are suppose to do, right?
EXPECTATION
When this transfer happens the dynamic is instantly changed.
It is instantly changed because there are two big I’s in the relationship.
And then you either leave because they are not measuring up to your expectations and you aren’t measuring up to theirs.
So we are just leaving.
So you pick up your box of desires and take them with you, even into your next relationship.
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