Sermon Tone Analysis

A Note From Tara Condell

I Hate The Word “Bye”, But See You Later Maybe?

I have written this note several times in my head for over a decade, and this one finally feels right.

No edits, no overthinking.

I have accepted hope is nothing more than delayed disappointment, and I am just plain old-fashioned tired of feeling tired.

I realize I am undeserving of thinking this way because I truly have a great life on paper.

I’m fortunate to eat meals most only imagine.

I often travel freely without restriction.

I live alone in the second greatest American city (San Francisco, you’ll always have my heart).

However, all these facets seem trivial to me.

It’s the ultimate first world problem, I get it.

I often felt detached while in a room full of my favorite people; I also felt absolutely nothing during what should have been the happiest and darkest times in my life.

No single conversation or situation has led me to make this decision, so at what point do you metaphorically pull the trigger?

I’m going to miss doing NYT crosswords (I was getting really good).

That one charcuterie board with taleggio AND ‘nduja.

Anything Sichuan ma la, but that goes without saying.

A perfect plate of carbonara (no cream!).

Real true authentic street tacos.

Cal-Italian cuisine.

Hunan Bistro’s fried rice.

The pork belly and grape mini from State Bird Provisions circa 2013.

Popeye’s of course.

Bambas too.

I’m also going to miss unexpected hugs.

Al Green’s Simply Beautiful.

Cherries in July.

Tracing a sleeping eyebrow.

Smoking cigarettes.

The Golden Gate Bridge at sunset.

That first sip of iced cold brew in sticky August.

Making eye contact with people walking down the street.

When songs feel like they’re speaking to your soul.

Jeopardy.

Saying I love you.

Late night junk food binges.

Shooting the shit.

And especially the no-destination-in-sight long walks.

No GoFundMes, no funeral, no tributes, no doing-too-much please.

All I ask now is for you to have one delicious (I mean a really really great) meal in my honor and let me go, no exceptions.

It’s selfishly time for me to be happy and I know you can get down with that.

Please try to remember me as a whole human you shared memories with and not just my final act.

This is not your fault.

It’s not exactly easy for me either, I’m here for you.

I love you.

I always have and I always will, I promise.

Shikata ga’nai.

I’m coming home, Dad.

Make some room up on that cloud and turn the Motown up.

I’m really sorry mama.

Always, TLC

I read this…and it broke my heart.

I can resonate with this note…and I’m not talking about thoughts of suicide (and I’m not trying to make light of those thoughts).

Joy.

Fleeting joy.

Happiness.

I’m a bundle of inconsistencies.

I love my wife, I love my son and seeing unadulterated happiness in him.

I find fulfillment in a job well done… weird moments: like the time I got my first MacBook and I was able to piece together a Nintendo Gamecube emulator.

It took me hours to complete… I played two seconds of Super Mario Sunshine and never played it again.

I love going for bike rides…I love finishing books and organizing things.

I love making people laugh…and I’ve found a new obsession: cooking and doing it well.

I stinking love my Patriots.

I like when they win and have a hard time when they lose.

I don’t like the spotlight but know that my shadow creeps out when it feels like i’m not getting the credit I think I deserve… I’m inconsistent at best.

I don’t know the Spiritual state of Ms. Condell when she wrote this note.

I know that she contemplated writing it many times before and know that, despite, success and moving to major cities and travelling she wasn’t ‘happy’—and by this, I would add, I don’t think she was joyful.

She experienced fleeting moments of happiness.

Our lives and days are full of these moments: when the barista gets your coffee just right.

When your kid does something wonderful without you having to tell them fifty times.

Happiness isn’t hard to experience, but joy is.

My entire worldview as a believer has to do with the fact that I know that my joy can only be found in Jesus Christ.

I know my joy is found in Jesus Christ.

If I know this… and we know this, then why don’t I experience this 24/7?

Why am I not joyful amidst the storm?

Where is my joy?

My joy sometimes feels like the Tuesday after a long weekend…

The problem is: we are fickle.

We forget and need to be constantly reminded.

We need to be reminded of what Christ has done for us… The Good News.

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2. We need to be reminded of the moment in our life where we were marked by this.

And when the Gospel knowledge travelled the longest distance, namely, from the head to the heart.

We’ve all be overwhelmed by this feeling of salvation… that Christ died for me and he has chosen me and now he resided in me, in Spirit and truth.

We need constant reminders of this… this need for a reminder doesn’t dilute what Christ has done… it highlights the fact that we are prone to wander and get into ruts…it highlights the fact that we could never do what Jesus did.

We tried it our way…and it never works.

3. We need to start seeing this joy as part of the mundane.

1 Thessalonians 5:

The Gospel isn’t just for you.

And it is in the mundane that the Gospel can often be overlooked.

The mundane isn’t just the ‘boring’ bits of life…these are the bits of life that we allow to hop into autopilot mode.

There is a concept known as highway hypnosis.

Highway hypnosis, also known as white line fever, is a mental state in which a person can drive a truck or other automobile great distances, responding to external events in the expected, safe and correct manner with no recollection of having consciously done so.

For some if not all of us, we let our Christianity hop into this white line fever mode.

We can go a whole day at a time or a week… you ever get to the end of a year and say, “Holy smokes, where did the year go…I felt like it was just…blah.”

Paul, in 1 Thessalonians, reminds us of this bit: Pray constantly, give thanks in everything, don’t despise prophecies (but test all things), hold on to what is good and stay away from every kind of evil.

Hows your prayer life?

Nonexistent.

Can you categorize yourself as a constant spirit of prayer?

Do you give thanks in all things?

The coffee you drink, the roof over your head, your job, your healthy kids, your clothes, computers, cars?

Don’t stifle the Spirit: live Spirit led…be sensitive to the tugging of the Spirit