Sermon Tone Analysis
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Gottman Book Statistics:
(About 67 percent of couples experience a large drop in marital satisfaction in the three years after the birth of their first baby.)
Gottman, John.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert (Kindle Locations 129-130).
Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony. Kindle Edition.
Gottman, John.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert (Kindle Locations 129-130).
Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony. Kindle Edition.
John Gottman has been studying marriages for over 40 years.
He began the Gottman Institute and has the Gottman form of therapy for marriages.
He believes that he can predict a divorce within 91% accuracy rate.
When we think about marriage, you cannot help but think about trust.
Trust is the confidence we place in the other individual.
It is not only important for marriages, but trust is also important for relationships in general.
The importance of trust and commitment to success in love seems so self-evident that you might assume that studying these qualities scientifically would be of little added benefit.
- Gottman, John.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert (Kindle Locations 520-521).
Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony. Kindle Edition.
Gottman, John.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert (Kindle Locations 520-521).
Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony. Kindle Edition.
Trustworthiness is critical, but why is it critical in marriage?
We can say that it is critical because:
(i) You have to believe that the spouse is going to be true to you.
(ii) You have to be able to believe that your spouse will not take advantage of you.
(iii) You have to be able to trust who is caring for your children.
(iv) You have to be able to trust you has your heart.
In the end of all of this, we can at least agree that trust is important for any and all relationships to flourish.
What provides this all-necessary trust?
(a) Some might say that the right words help to build trust
(b) Some might say that the right gifts help to build trust
(c) Some might say that the right activities help to build trust.
I would say to you that trust for marriage begins in a far different place.
Trust in the marital relationship begins with God.
Proposition: Trust in our relationships begins with the Lord.
Marriage is of God.
Let’s begin simply: The fact that Adam and Eve are together is by God’s doing.
Let’s understand why this matters.
Since God is the Designer, when marriage is accomplished according to the Designer, the Designer gets the glory/credit.
Adam had complete trust in God.
Couple significant things here:
(1) Adam (by his verbal response) is confirming that eh’s confident in God’s work.
(2) Adam is confirming that this is different from what was missing in all of the rest of creation.
From Adam’s response, we see that marriage is fundamentally based on trust/faith in God.
Why is this important?
Trust/faith in God is important because in our culture, techniques and efficiency are priority, but when you have technique and efficiency without the right foundation, the relationship is doomed to ultimately fail.
Fail at what?
The marriage is doomed to fail at the ultimate purpose of marriage - which is to bring glory to the One who created marriage.
Trust/faith in God is important because it is easy to place faith in other people and other things and consider those things to be the foundation of the relationships (even in ourselves).
What is the difference between a happy marriage that does not trust/faith God and a happy couple that does have faith/trust in God? Aren’t both of them equal?
If they are the same, then why say anything about God and marriage, if we can get the same result without God?
First, marriage has eternal significance; so, a couple who is rooted in the Lord aspires to point to the ULTIMATE marriage.
A couple who does not know the Lord cannot really point to an eternal reason for their marriage.
Second, a marriage requires an unshakeable foundation.
This unshakeable foundation motivates the couple to love each other in a stable, Christ-exalting way.
It is a motive that is outside of themselves ultimately.
A couple who does not have faith in the Lord as the foundation of the union must resolve to alternate “reasons” why they want to have a good marriage.
Here are some alternate motivates that some people have for their marriages:
They want to have a good marriage so they could be happy and not miserable.
They want to have a good marriage so that the kids could see a happy marriage.
They want to have a good marriage so that they can leave the world a better place.
Each of these examples all presuppose a standard of morality.
What is the basis of this standard?
Why have a good marriage at all?
Secondly, if “happiness” is the goal, then won’t people make what they do towards their spouse a means to their own happiness.
“Make your wife happy, so you have have a peaceful life?!?!”
Each motive is self-fulfilling and selfish, at best.
Transition:
What we see then is that trust in God is foundational for marriage.
Adam had perfect confidence in God.
Marriage is a real union that is to be lived out - leaving, cleaving, and weaving.
Because God is the creator of Marriage...
And because the foundation of the marriage covenant is trusting God Himself
Adam, with full assurance recognizes a real union that...
Moses understands to be the standard for all marriage unions: leaving, cleaving, weaving.
(these are actually the words of God - ).
Marriage should be a place of trust in the Lord.
Notice the complete trust that existed
Notice that there was security that was ultimately rooted not in their appearances but in the Lord.
What we want to clearly affirm:
Marriage is founded upon trust in God.
This trust in God leads to security and trust before each other.
Secondly, relationships should be viewed this way as well.
Security in God should lead to trust and security in each other.
Why is this order important?
It is important because you may not always be able to trust in your spouse, but you can always trust in God.
Few Application
The foundation of their marriage crumbled when Adam & Eve no longer trusted God.
What led to this?
There were alternative beliefs available.
Deception and decision-making both led to the Fall.
Why does this matter?
It matters because when unbelief enters into a relationship, the very foundation of the relationship is at stake.
The consequences of broken trust in God are devastating.
Adam & Eve can no longer trust the acceptance they had with each other.
In the first case, I am self-conscious of my body and I feel vulnerable to shame because I know Eve has chosen to be independent from God....She is essentially now a selfish person.
From this day forward, she will put herself first.
She is no longer a servant.
So she is not safe.
And I feel vulnerable around her, because she is very likely to put me down if that puts her up.
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