Faithlife Sermons

Wives and Respect

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Husbands are commanded to love, and we are taught that the kind of love they are to render is the kind that bestows loveliness. But wives are not encouraged by this to simply be passive recipients—they are given a command as well. They are to be subject to their husbands (v. 24), and they are to honor and reverence their own husbands (v. 33). We find the same principle at work here because respect bestows respectability.


Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing . . . This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband” (Eph. 5:22-24, 32-33).


In some sense, the relationship between husband and wife is like the relationship between Christ and the Church. Consequently, husbands are commanded to model themselves after the pattern of Jesus Christ. In the reciprocal way, wives are commanded to model themselves after the Church. They are in the first place to submit themselves to their own husbands, as to the Lord (v. 22). Just as the Church is subject to Christ, so wives are to be this way to their husbands in every thing (v. 24). There is no great mystery at all in men brow-beating their wives, and this is a great mystery (v. 32). So husbands are to love, and wives are to reverence their own husbands (v. 33). As we shall show, this does not reduce women to a state of helplessness, but rather it leads to a true feminine authority.


As we noted with the charge to husbands, it is not possible to improve oneself through fits and starts. The Christian pattern of self-improvement is to die and rise. The same thing is true of the Church. Just as Jesus died for the Church, so everyone in the Church is called to take up the cross and follow Him. So wives are equally summoned to fulfill this pattern, and to mortify their own desires for autonomy. The pattern is not “husbands die, wives coast.” Each is summoned to die, so that they might be raised to their particular calling.


Wives are to “submit” themselves (hupotasso, v. 22). The word is a Greek military term, and means to subject, submit, subordinate oneself to a line of authority. The same word is used in v. 24 (cf. 1 Pet. 3:1). In Titus 2:5, the same word is rendered as “obedient.”  In verse 33, wives are told to reverence their own husbands (phobeo). In this context, it carries the sense of “awe, honor, and respect,” and not the idea of being scared or having a phobia (the same thing is true in 1 Pet. 3:2).

A few other words from elsewhere in the New Testament help fill out the picture. Sarah was subject to her own husband (hupotasso, 1 Pet. 3:5), and in the next verse it says that Sarah obeyed her husband (hupakouo, v. 6), calling him lord (kurios, v. 6 ). Peter tells Christian wives that they are her daughters if they do what is right, and do not give way to fear. The word hupakouo comes from the duties of a porter, who was to listen attentively at the door for an inquiring knock. In 1 Tim. 2: 9 the word aidos urges women to a deferential and bashful reverence.


Wives should first get clear on the actual standard. The fact that your husband is to love you sacrificially does not alter the content of what this enables you to do. Husbands are prohibited from bluster, bossing about, selfish grasping and all the rest of it. But the Bible nevertheless requires wives to obey their husbands. This obedience is to be cheerful, complete, reverent, all the way down, and across the board. Remember that in our passage St. Paul tells wives to be subject to their husbands in every thing. Now I am fully aware of the fact that in our current cultural climate this is a perfectly outrageous thing to say and teach. May even be illegal in some states. This is too bad because the grass withers, the flower fades, and the Word of the Lord endures forever.

You have heard the qualification about this many times—no human authority is absolute, and if your husband commands you to break God’s law, then you must (submissively) decline to do so. But this is almost never where the problem is.


What considered earlier now comes home in a striking fashion. In order to do this, a woman must die, and be raised again. In Gen. 4:6-7, Cain is told that sin lies in wait for him, and desires to master him, but he must rule over it. This is a very unusual combination of words in Hebrew, and the only other place it is found is in the previous chapter, where Eve is told that her desire will be for her husband, but that he will rule over her (Gen. 3:16). Part of the fallen order is this desire that women have to run their husbands in an ungodly way, in big things and little things. But Jesus came to deal with this, and He enables Christian women to partake in His suffering and death, and He raises them up again.


The fear is that this teaching will turn women into doormats, fit only to be walked over by abusive men. The very opposite is the case. Remember that we have learned that love bestows loveliness. If a man sacrifices himself in a Christ-like way, laying down his life for his wife, in issues great and small, what is her natural response? Is it “Oh, good, now I can get really fat”? Not at all—love bestowed bestows loveliness. But the God who made the reciprocity of the sexes included this feature in it as well. Respect bestows respectability. Honor bestows honor. Reverence bestows dignity.  On average, men who are respected do not collapse into an “Oh, good, now I get to be disreputable” any more than women are loved think of it as an opportunity to become slovenly.

The call to men and women both is therefore to bestow and give, not take and grab.

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