Prioritizing Healthy Relationships

Last time, we addressed the sin of the priests who had become lax in their worship as they sacrificed blind, lame, and sick animals to God. This showed their disregard for the Lord and what he required from them. They kept the best for themselves and dishonored God with the worst. They were loving God with leftovers and it was getting them into trouble. We learned that if you love God first with everything that you have, everyone will receive from the overflow.

The first part of chapter two talks about consequences of not heeding God’s words, and then it begins to change direction beginning in verse 10. Their poor attitudes in worship were not the only symptom that they had drifted from their love for God.

Malachi 2:10–12 NASB95

“Do we not all have one father? Has not one God created us? Why do we deal treacherously each against his brother so as to profane the covenant of our fathers? “Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the Lord which He loves and has married the daughter of a foreign god. “As for the man who does this, may the Lord cut off from the tents of Jacob everyone who awakes and answers, or who presents an offering to the Lord of hosts.

The prophet begins to address another way in which the people have done wrong. The charge is that they have dealt treacherously with one another. They acted faithlessly toward one another. How have they done this? They have taken wives who worship foreign gods.

God expressly forbid this practice for the Israelites.

Exodus 34:12–16 NASB95

“Watch yourself that you make no covenant with the inhabitants of the land into which you are going, or it will become a snare in your midst. “But rather, you are to tear down their altars and smash their sacred pillars and cut down their Asherim —for you shall not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God— otherwise you might make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land and they would play the harlot with their gods and sacrifice to their gods, and someone might invite you to eat of his sacrifice, and you might take some of his daughters for your sons, and his daughters might play the harlot with their gods and cause your sons also to play the harlot with their gods.

Forty years later, as Israel was poised to enter the Promised Land, the command is given again.

Deuteronomy 7:1–4 NASB95

“When the Lord your God brings you into the land where you are entering to possess it, and clears away many nations before you, the Hittites and the Girgashites and the Amorites and the Canaanites and the Perizzites and the Hivites and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and stronger than you, and when the Lord your God delivers them before you and you defeat them, then you shall utterly destroy them. You shall make no covenant with them and show no favor to them. “Furthermore, you shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor shall you take their daughters for your sons. “For they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods; then the anger of the Lord will be kindled against you and He will quickly destroy you.

Recall that during the return to the land, Israel was not returning to a land that was uninhabited. They were returning to their homeland that had been occupied by foreigners, all who serve other gods. During the time of Ezra and Nehemiah, this issue came up. Hebrew men were marrying foreign women, thereby breaking their covenant with God. Why?

We have to remind ourselves that this issue was not a matter of race. God is not prohibiting interracial marriage. The concern is what happens when two people of two different faiths marry and one is pulled in the wrong direction. God is the one true God. There is no other but him. To worship anything else is to worship falsely. This is what was taking place in Israel during this time. Hebrew men were marrying foreign women who were drawing these men away from covenant loyalty to God.

It is a major point of concern when a believer in Christ wants to marry someone who does not share that faith. In fact, I will not do it. If a couple comes to me, wants to get married, and one of them is a Christian and the other is not, I will not officiate. The basis for a marriage is the couple’s first commitment to their covenant relationship with God. If they don’t have that, they should not get married.

The apostle Paul writes on this subject in 2 Corinthians 6:14-16

2 Corinthians 6:14–16 NASB95

Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, “I will dwell in them and walk among them; And I will be their God, and they shall be My people.

The context of these verses talks about forming partnerships with nonbelievers. This is something we should be very careful about. The nonbeliever does not share your convictions and that partnership may call you to compromise your convictions, placing you in a position where you might choose the partnership over faithfulness to Christ. If we apply that principle to marriage, we understand that making a covenant in marriage with a nonbeliever is extremely unwise. It is far more common that the unbelieving spouse in a marriage will pull the believing spouse away from the Lord than the other way around.

The relationships you choose in life will either pull you toward Jesus or away from him. Be wise in whom you align yourself with.

To make matters worse, the Hebrew men were dealing treacherously, or being faithless to their wives. Marriage is a covenant relationship, a fact our society has moved away from. But in biblical times, it was understood that a couple was making a covenant before the Lord, one that could not be broken. The men in this society were unfaithful to the covenants they made before the Lord.

Malachi 2:13–17 NASB95

“This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. “Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. “But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” You have wearied the Lord with your words. Yet you say, “How have we wearied Him?” In that you say, “Everyone who does evil is good in the sight of the Lord, and He delights in them,” or, “Where is the God of justice?”

The historical context is difficult to pick up on from Malachi 2 alone. As we examine what was taking place in that time, we begin to get a sense for how serious the situation was.

Israel returns to the land after 70 years in exile and it is occupied by people from foreign countries. This means that when they returned, assuming the homes were left standing, somebody else is living in grandma and grandpa’s home. You want your property back, but there are people living there who were born in that home. It is just as much their home as it is yours. This creates tension.

It is believed in this society the Hebrew men were marrying foreign women to obtain economic advantages. Some say that marriages were done so that the Hebrew men could own the property owned by the foreign wife’s father. It could be that the ticket to economic prosperity was to marry into the family and inherit the things owned by the father. This happened with Solomon and this has happened throughout much of history. Marriages were performed for economic advantages rather than a covenant relationship rooted in mutual love for Christ.

So it is believed that the Hebrew men Malachi is calling out are not just single men marrying foreign women, but married Hebrew men divorcing their Hebrew wives to attain greater socio-economic status through their marriage to foreign wives. All the while, they continue to seek God’s favor by making sacrifices and God is having none of it.

God hates divorce because it is the tearing apart of a covenant relationship designed to last a lifetime. We know the effects divorce has on families, especially children. I also believe there is much grace and mercy to be found in the aftermath of a divorce. God can work miracles.

The call of God in this passage is in verse 15 when God says, “Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth.” If you are married today, how is your marriage? Men, it is God’s call on your life to be the spiritual leader in your home. How are you leading your wife to closeness with the Lord? Ladies, you push your husband to the Lord in the way you honor and respect him as God’s head of the home. Gentlemen, are you earning that honor and respect through selfless service to your bride? Ladies, are you doing the same for your husband? The second greatest relationship in your life is the marriage you have with your spouse. Protect it. Cherish it. Guard it. Do not be faithless toward your wife and break the covenant you made with her in the sight of God. If the church has unhealthy marriages, the church is unhealthy.

But as I stated earlier, the relationships you choose in life will either pull you toward Jesus or away from him. So this principle extends beyond marriages. You should exercise extreme caution in who you align yourself with no matter the relationship. Does your relationship with this person help you become a better follower of Jesus, or does it pull you away from him?

Honor your covenant with the Lord by honoring the relationships you have with others.

The men in Israel during the time of Malachi were not divorcing their wives because of unfaithfulness, abandonment, or because the wife had committed egregious sins. They weren’t even trading in their older model in for a younger, newer model. They were trading their wives for ones who could give them the property they wanted. This shows an extreme lack of trust in God to provide what they needed. This violated their covenant with him, and it left their first wives high and dry.

Our society is so backwards on the meaning of marriage that it is no wonder why families don’t stay together. Marriage as a covenant is such a foreign concept that it is just about as easy to leave a marriage as it is to enter one. The only way to honor a marriage covenant is to honor the God who authored it.

You may or may not be on your first marriage. Let me simply say this: honor the marriage you are currently in. God forgives you of your past and holds your future. If you are married today, remember to die to yourself daily and love your spouse more than you love yourself. If you are not married today and hope to be one day, prioritize your relationship with the Lord. Only he can build you into the godly husband or wife he wants you to be. Make sure the person you consider marrying has the same devotion to the Lord as you do.

If you are thinking about entering into any other kind of relationship, whether it be business, romantic, or otherwise, ask yourself if the other person shares your same values. Is entering into a relationship with this person or organization going to push yo toward Jesus, or pull you from him? If it is the latter, it is best to refrain.

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