God's Design for Marriage
Moving Through Matthew • Sermon • Submitted
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This morning we move into Matthew 19, but before we open God’s Word and see what Jesus said as he is moving closer and closer to the time of his death and resurrection, I wanted to go over something first.
Someone came to me this week with a really good question. I love good questions, because it helps me to learn and hopefully by finding the answer we will all learn together.
The question that was asked of me was
“How do you know these things that you say when they are not in the Bible?”
Good questions? How do we know these things. Acts never says anything about Peter’s death, 1 & 2 Peter don’t say anything. So how do we know?
We know this information based on the writings of those who are called “The Early Church Fathers,” or “Apostolic Fathers.”
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Here is a painting of the them. I could tell you their names, but that is not really important . What is important is the reason why we trust they say about the things that we do not read in the Bible.
These are men, and maybe a few women, who lived during the time of the apostles and even after the time of the apostles. They knew these apostles, they had conversations with them, and they were around to see and understand what happened to the apostles after what we see included in the Bible.
+++ Please understand this: their writing and account of the apostles lives are NOT SCRIPTURE. They are not God’s word. But with their writings we can see the life of the early church after Acts, after the apostles, and are confident that what we are reading is true because they saw it with their own eyes, or they were at least connected closely to someone that did.
By the way Tertulliam, one of the early church Fathers was from North Africa.
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1 Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2 And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. 3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” 10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
While we could see that the main topic might be divorce, a breaking up of a marriage, as we look into these verses this morning, Jesus, while answering the question about divorce, gives us a look into God’s Design for Marriage.
Now this morning, as i looked into the crowd, I believe there are only two marriages represented here…My marriage with Mom, and Pastor Darlington’s marriage to his wife. But it’s better to understand God’s design for marriage before you get married, rather than after… so you are the perfect audience to sit under this teaching this morning.
Matthew opens up chapter 19 by showing where Jesus was going and what he was doing. Matthew 19:1-2
1 Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2 And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
(1) Away from Galilee and entered Judea (what would happen in Jerusalem?)
(2) large crowds followed him, healing (they knew who Jesus was, he had been there before)
3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”
Look at that word “test.” They were not genuine in their reason for asking. They weren’t asking for clarity because they did not know… they were trying to trick him.
Maybe they were trying to get an answer from him that would anger King Herod. Remember John the Baptist confronted Herod about his divorcing his wife to marry another, and Herod had John the Baptist arrested and his head would later be cut off. Maybe that is what they were trying to do. But for sure, it was another time the Pharisees were trying to silence Jesus.
This question from the “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” comes from the Old Testament law. Deut 24:1
Deuteronomy 24:1 (ESV)
1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house,
During this day, there were two different rabbi’s (teachers) or the Jewish Law. And they interpreted this verse differently. They’re names were Hillel and Shammai. Now people who were students of Hillel followed the belief that you could divorce yoru wife for any reason. Maybe she was bad at cooking you Jollof rice, divorce her. But those who were students of Shammai believed that the only reason you could divorce your wife was for indecency. (indecency hear means something sexual).
Now how did I know this about Hillel and Shammai? Writing from the early church fathers :)
But Jesus doesn’t answer which school of thought is the best. Instead he shows us God’s Design For Marriage.
God Created Marriage
5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
Jesus goes all the way back to the beginning of creation to quote this verse.
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
This was the very beginning of time, and God defined what marriage was. He was the author of it, the creator of it, and man has no right o make a decision to end it. Only God can do that.
****Between a man and woman
Look what he say in verse 6...
6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
As you grow up and one day consider marrying someone, please remember that the agreement between you and the person you marry is a covenant....not a contract. Contracts can be broken, but covenant’s can’t. Contracts can be broken, but covenant’s can’t.
Think about the covenants God made with man.
1. The first was the covenant he made with Noah: I will no longer end the world by rain.
2, Then covenant he made with Abraham: he would build a great nation from their seed (land, seed, blessing)
3. The Mosaic Covenant: God from Mt Sinai gave them the law and an assurance he woudl never leave them or forsake them
4. The Davidic Covenant: God would raise up a descendent of David as an everlasting throne (Jesus)
5. The New Covenant: Jesus would mention this at the Last Supper and it was a symbol of his death, resurrection, and salvation for those who believed.
In all of these covenants, God never broke them. And just as he keeps his covenants with us, marriage is a demonstration of the marriage covenant between a man and woman here on earth.
God Created Marriage.
God Hates Divorce.
7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
The Pharisees wanted to bring up reasons that divorce were possible, but Jesus says that the reason Moses allowed it was because of their hardness of heart. It wasn’t his plan, but sin took over in some way. When you think about a divorce between a man and a woman, it happens because of sin. Sin is the root of every divorce. No matter the reason, even if Scripture allows it.... Divorce is always a result of sin…either in the man or the woman.
16 “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”
God hates divorce because it goes against his creation and his plan for the marriage covenant.
So when is divorce possible. When does God allow it?
1. God Created Marriage.
2. God Hates Divorce.
3. God Sets the Rules For Divorce.
9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
Jesus sets the rules for divorce here: if she is involved in sexual immorality. (adultly)
Adultery is not only a serious act against the other person, but against God himself.
In the Old Testament, someone who was caught in adultery was stoned to death.
22 “If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman. So you shall purge the evil from Israel.
Young Men…Young Women. One day most of you will marry, and even if you don’t think so now, the sin of adultly will come before you. Proverbs show us how seductive and enticing adultry can be:
21 With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. 22 All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast 23 till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life. 24 And now, O sons, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth. 25 Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths, 26 for many a victim has she laid low, and all her slain are a mighty throng. 27 Her house is the way to Sheol, going down to the chambers of death.
Sexual immorality is one of Satan’s greatest tools to draw yoru affection away from God.
Everyday, now, and as a result we need to cling to the promise from James...
7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Jesus only mentions here on adultly, but Scripture shows us another reason for divorce, This is what the Apostle Paul wrote...
12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
The command is simple. The only way a person can remarry is if the spouse committed adultery or a spouse abandoned the other. This is what the Bible says. God does not allow re-marriage under any other circumstances. And if someone remarries outside of God requirements, it is adultery.
Why is God so serious about this? Because he is serious about his marriage covenant with us!
God Created Marriage.
2. God Hates Divorce.
3. God Sets The Rules For Divorce.
4. God Can Redeem A Divorce.
Does this mean that God turns his back on a Christian who divorces outside of the reasons he gives? No. Does this mean that he will turn his back on one who marries someone who divorced for the wrong reason. No. Why?
Two words: forgiveness and grace. No matter what happens in this world, Jesus will never forsake his bride-never. This is the entire point of the gospel and salvation. He will not abandon his own, even in their sin. His grace is sufficient.
But just like any sin, we shouldn’t do it thinking, its ok, I will just ask forgiveness later and it will be ok. If that is someones heart, they need to truly consider if they were even saved in the first place.
10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
I know in Nigeria, marriage is everything. If you never marry, people will look at you and wonder if there is something wrong with you? Your family expects you to get married, to have children.... many children.
But Jesus is saying here that marriage is not compulsory. It is not a must for everyone. For the believer, a reason not to marry may be because of a focus and devotion to God.
Paul says it this way....
6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.
Paul’s focus was making Jesus known. He traveled, he preached, he was beaten, he was imprisioned, and he evenly died because of it. Marriage is not for everyone, it was for me, and it may be you, but the point here this morning is to reflect on God’s Design For Marriage. And and the years begin to pass by, everyone of you will have to make that decision. And if marriage is your decision, I pray that you follow God’s design for it.