Amends
Celebrate Recovery Lessons • Sermon • Submitted
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Illustration of amends
Principle 6:
Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when doing so would harm them or others.
“Happy are the merciful. Happy are the peacemakers.”
Matthew 5:7a and 5:9
Step 8:
We made a list of all persons we had harmed and become willing to make amends to them all.
“Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
Luke 6:31 (NIV)
This week, we are going to focus on Principle 6. In fact, we are going to spend the next two months on Principle 6. That’s how important it is to our recovery.
Tonight, we are going to give an overview of Principle 6, which is all about making amends. “Forgive me as I learn to forgive” sums it up pretty well.
We started doing repair work on the personal side of our lives earlier in our recovery by admitting our powerlessness, turning our lives and wills over to God’s care, doing our moral inventory, sharing our sins or wrongs with another, and admitting our shortcomings and asking God to remove them. But now we begin to do some repair work on the relational side of our lives. Making your amends is the beginning of the end of your isolation from God and others.
Making amends is not about your past so much as it is about your future. Before you can have the healthy relationships that you desire, you need to clean out the guilt, shame, and pain that has caused many of your past relationships to fail.
Luke 6:31 reminds us to treat others the way that we want to be treated. For some of you, that may be very difficult. You have been hurt very badly or abused. Many of you had nothing to do with the wrong committed against you.
Such sins are deep violations that leave painful wounds, but they also are the root of dysfunction that bring many people into recovery.
Forgiving the perpetrator of such wrongs, even after the one harmed has dealt with the emotional pain, seems impossible. We are going to deal specifically with this issue in the lesson on the three types of forgiveness.
For now, listen to the way Celebrate Recovery rewords this step for those in the sexual/physical abuse groups:
Make a list of all persons who have harmed us and become willing to seek God’s help in forgiving our perpetrators, as well as forgiving ourselves. Realize we’ve also harmed others and become willing to make amends to them.
The first part of Principle 6 deals with being willing to consider forgiveness. The second part of Principle 6 calls us to action as we make our amends and offer our forgiveness. Going back to the garden metaphor, we need to pull out the dead weeds in our past broken relationships so that we can clear a place where our new relationships can be successfully planted or restored. That’s why Principle 6 is so important.
Amends
Let’s look at tonight’s acrostic and answer the question, How do I make AMENDS?
Admit the hurt and the harm
Make a list
Encourage one another
Not for them
Do it at the right time
Start living the promises of recovery
The A is ADMIT the hurt and the harm.
The A is ADMIT the hurt and the harm.
Principle 4 showed us how important it is to open up to God and to others. Your feelings have been bottled up far, far too long, and that has interfered with all your important relationships. In this step of your recovery you need to once again face the hurts, resentments, and wrongs that others have caused you or that you have caused to others. Holding on to resentments not only blocks your recovery, it blocks God’s forgiveness in your life.
Luke 6:37 (GNT) tells us, “Do not judge others, and God will not judge you; do not condemn others, and God will not condemn you; forgive others, and God will forgive you.”
The next letter in amends is M: MAKE a list.
The next letter in amends is M: MAKE a list.
When you are making your list, don’t worry about the “how-tos” in making your amends. Don’t ask questions like How could I ever ask my dad for forgiveness? How could I ever forgive my brother for what he did? Go ahead and put the person on your list anyway. “Treat others as you want them to treat you” (Luke 6:31, TLB).
The E in amends stands for ENCOURAGE one another.
The E in amends stands for ENCOURAGE one another.
It has been said that encouragement is oxygen to the soul.
Hebrews 10:24 says, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” If you are asked to be an encourager, an accountability partner, or a sponsor, be honored. And remember, you can’t hold a torch to light another’s path without brightening your own.
The N in amends is the reason for making the amends: NOT for them.
The N in amends is the reason for making the amends: NOT for them.
You need to approach those to whom you are offering your forgiveness or amends humbly, honestly, sincerely, and willingly. Don’t offer excuses or attempt to justify your actions; focus only on your part.
In five words, here’s the secret to making successful amends: Do not expect anything back! You are making your amends, not for a reward, but for freedom from your hurts, hang-ups, and habits.
Principle 6 says that I am responsible to “make amends for harm I’ve done to others.” Jesus said, “Love your enemies and do good to them; lend and expect nothing back” (Luke 6:35, GNT). God loves us generously and graciously, even when we are at our worst. God is kind; we need to be kind!
Do you know that you can become addicted to your bitterness, hatred, and revenge, just as you can become addicted to alcohol, drugs, and relationships? A life characterized by bitterness, resentment, and anger will kill you emotionally and shrivel your soul. They will produce the “Three Ds”:
Depression
Despair
Discouragement
An unforgiving heart will cause you more pain and destruction than it will ever cause the person who hurt you.
Let’s move on to the D in amends: DO it at the right time.
Let’s move on to the D in amends: DO it at the right time.
This principle not only requires courage, good judgment, and willingness, but a careful sense of timing!
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (TLB) tells us, “There is a right time for everything.” There is a time to let things happen and a time to make things happen. There is a right time and a wrong time to offer forgiveness or to make amends.
Before making amends, you need to pray, asking Jesus Christ for His guidance, His direction, and His perfect timing.
Principle 6 goes on to say, “... except when to do so would harm them or others.”
Listen to Philippians 2:3–4: “In humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Don’t wait until you feel like making your amends or offering your forgiveness; living this principle takes an act of the will! Or perhaps I should say a crisis of the will. Making your amends is an act of obedience to Scripture and of personal survival.
The last letter in amends is S: START living the promises of recovery.
The last letter in amends is S: START living the promises of recovery.
As we complete this principle, we will discover God’s gift of true freedom from our past. We will begin to find the peace and serenity that we have long been seeking. We will become ready to embrace God’s purpose for our lives.
God promises, “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten” (Joel 2:25).
wrap it up
tie illustration from earlier to application
invitation