David and Absalom - What went wrong?
2SA 18:33 The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: "O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you--O Absalom, my son, my son!"
What went wrong?
A. Let’s explore David’s relationship with Absalom.
1 The whole basis of David’s family life was flawed.
Absalom was David’s third son, the child of his fourth wife Maacah of Geshur. She was a princess of Geshur a small Aramean Kingdom N E of the Sea of Galilee. No doubt David’s marriage to her was to cement a political alliance.
We find that in all David had 8 wives and 7 sons by the time we reach Chapter 13 of 2 Samuel. A recipe for jealousy and conflict.
David was acting like the Kings of the Ancient Middle East whose reputation and power could be measured in the terms of the number and beauty and power of their wives as well as the number of their sons. But he was acting against the express command of God in Deuteronomy 17:17 “He must not take many wives, or his heart will be led astray.”
2 David failed to deal with Amnon’s violation of Absalom’s sister.
Absalom had a right to expect David both as father and as king to provide justice for Tamar and due punishment to Amnon.
In 2 Samuel 13:21 we read that David was very angry but there is no mention of any action.
David was right to be angry but his anger should have lead to justice. Amnon should have been punished and Tamar exonerated.
3 David failed to share in his son’s rejoicing.
2 Sam 13:24 Absalom went to the king and said, "Your servant has had shearers come. Will the king and his officials please join me?"
2SA 13:25 "No, my son," the king replied. "All of us should not go; we would only be a burden to you." Although Absalom urged him, he still refused to go, but gave him his blessing.
4 David failed to act when Absalom fled from killing Amnon
He could have shown love, he could have shown justice, he could have shown both but he did nothing.
2SA 13:38 After Absalom fled and went to Geshur, he stayed there three years. 39 And the spirit of the king longed to go to Absalom, for he was consoled concerning Amnon's death.
2SA 14:1 Joab son of Zeruiah knew that the king's heart longed for Absalom.
5 David brought Absalom home but did not receive him.
2SA 14:23 Then Joab went to Geshur and brought Absalom back to Jerusalem. 24 But the king said, "He must go to his own house; he must not see my face." So Absalom went to his own house and did not see the face of the king.
2SA 14:28 Absalom lived two years in Jerusalem without seeing the king's face.
6 David restored Absalom but did not recognize his deceitfulness.
2 Sam 15:1-6
B. The source of David’s failure as a father lay in his own sin.
In taking Uriah’s wife and then sending Uriah to his death David lost the respect of his family and his own moral authority. He brought the judgement of God onto his own family.
9 Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.'
2SA 12:11 "This is what the LORD says: `Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. 12 You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.' "
No wonder David grieved so greatly, no wonder he said, ! If only I had died instead of you--O Absalom, my son, my son!"