Sermon Tone Analysis

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Anger
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! Introduction
Fights are common in hockey and if you have ever been to a professional game you know that some people are actually there hoping to see a fight.
I played hockey for about 25 years.
I started when I was 29 and quit a few years ago and in all that time I was never in a fight.
That is not to say that I never had conflict or got angry.
It doesn’t mean that I didn’t verbally confront people.
In fact, I have to confess that a few times I preached at people right on the ice.
I hate the feeling when I am at odds with someone.
I know that my nature would be to confront people verbally, but I often back off because I have found that that doesn’t really help.
The on ice sermons are not really a good way to handle conflict.
I have often wondered, in conflict situations, whether there is not a better way to handle things.
At our ministerial retreat in February, we had Dave Dyck from Mediation Services teach us about conflict resolution.
One of the exercises he had us do was that he put a long piece of tape on the floor and had us pair off on opposite sides of the tape.
Then he secretly told the group on one side of the tape that it was their task to get the person on the other side to come to their side of the tape.
Then he took the other group aside and secretly told them the same thing.
Well, it was interesting to see how people tried to accomplish this.
It was very funny when two of the most petite, caring, gentle ladies from the ministerial tried to physically drag each other across the line.
The purpose of the exercise was to try to find ways to resolve an impasse.
By the end of the day we had learned some important lessons about resolving conflict and I would like to share some of these with you today.
There are three main things I would like to say today.
First of all that conflict is neither good nor bad, but it depends on how we handle it.
Secondly, I would like to demonstrate how conflict works and show you some of the things which happen in conflict.
Finally, I would like to share with you a model for resolving conflict.
We will look at some examples of conflict in Scripture, but mostly I will share some of what we learned in the seminar.
All of this is to think practically about the command in Ephesians 4:3 where we are told to “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
!
I.                   Conflict: Good or Bad?
!! A.                 Feelings about Conflict
In the material we received we learned that “Conflict is often understood as bad because it is associated with unpleasant emotions and disruption in people’s lives.”
That is something we can all identify with.
For me there is an uncomfortable feeling right down in my stomach.
I don’t like that feeling.
We experience a lot of negative feelings when it comes to conflict and so most people believe that conflict is bad.
Some people live by the understanding that a good person doesn’t rock the boat.
Someone might believe that if you are in a good relationship with someone, you would never have conflict.
Some people’s experience of conflict is that it always involves verbal or physical aggression.
There are some people who approach conflict from the perspective that they always have to win.
On the other hand, some people are afraid that if they raise any objections, they won’t be liked.
These are the feelings and beliefs that many of us experience when there is conflict.
They are difficult feelings and we don’t like them, but are they the whole story?
!! B.                 Conflict Is Inevitable
Anyone who believes that in good relationships there is no conflict has never been married.
In fact in all human relationships, conflicts are inevitable.
Gil Rendle says, “Conflict is having more than one idea in the same room.”
One could even say that conflict arises out of the incredible variety with which God has created the universe.
God has created human beings in His image, but he has also created them so that no two of are alike.
In the Daily Bread on Friday there was a story about two women who viewed the Blue Heron’s in very different ways.
One liked them because of their beauty and incredible wing span.
The other hated them because they were eating fish out of her pond.
Since we are different and have different perspectives, it is inevitable that we will not agree on everything and that there will be conflicts.
Sometimes that is a bad thing.
When conflicts escalate to hatred and anger and division, that is not a good thing.
However, it is not the conflict itself that is the problem.
The material we received at the seminar indicated that, “Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of life and happens in the best personal and professional relationships.
In itself, conflict is neither bad nor good.
It can be constructive if handled well, destructive if handled poorly.”
!! C.                 Conflict Can Be Important
Sometimes conflict can even be important as a way of leading us to deeper relationships.
In the material we received it says, “Many of us will avoid conflict with the intention of keeping the peace.
Often the result of this can be superficial community...”
            If conflict is handled properly, it can develop even deeper relationships.
If conflicts are always swept under the rug, after a while the rug gets lumpy and everyone needs to watch out that they don’t trip over it.
Romans 12:18 reminds us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
If we clean up the conflict, relationships can be opened and comfortable.
!! D.                Conflict Can Be Good
Not only can conflict be important for developing deeper relationships, it can also be a good thing for discerning truth.
In Acts 15, there is a story of conflict which happened in the early church.
As Gentiles became Christians, the Jewish Christians struggled to know how they would be part of the church.
Would they be required to observe the Jewish laws?
Were all the laws relevant to them?
These are serious questions.
When some of the Jewish Christians from Jerusalem went to Antioch, a Gentile church, to insist that Gentile Christians should be circumcised, Paul did not agree and so a serious conflict arose.
The leaders of the church in Antioch were sent to Jerusalem to have a conversation with the Apostles and hopefully find a way through this conflict.
At risk was Christian unity.
At risk was basic Christian theology that the gospel is for all on the basis of faith.
As they discussed and went through the process of resolving the conflict, they came to a new understanding of how the Gentiles should be Christian and they also developed some important theological truths about what it meant to be Christian.
In his commentary, FF Bruce calls this conflict, “Epoch making.”
In the end they were able to say, “It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us.”
So the conflict turned out to be a good thing to help the church develop some very important truths.
Therefore, we should not fear conflict as much as we do.
It can be bad, but it can also be good.
It can build community and can also help us understand God’s truth.
!
II.
Analyzing Conflict
!! A.                 A Conflict Illustrated
So the key becomes, how can we handle conflict well?
How can we respond to conflict rather than reacting to it?
If we understand what happens in conflict, perhaps we can move towards allowing conflict to be a way of growth and blessing.
Those of you who have lived in this community for a long side are familiar with the historical division between the EMC churches on this side of the Red River and those on the other side.
In Low German we often hear about this as “dit sied” and “jant sied.”
Well, I have a true “dit sied,” “jant sied” story for you from the Bible.
Joshua led the people of Israel across the Jordan River in order to conquer the Promised Land.
During the 40 years in which they had been wandering in the wilderness, they had conquered a number of nations on the east side of the Jordan River.
At that time the tribes of Reuben, Gad and the half tribe of Manasseh had asked if they could settle on the East side of the river.
They inquired of God and were told that if the warriors went along across the Jordan to help conquer the land, they would be permitted to settle in that area.
This is what happened and when we come to Joshua 22, we find that the land had been conquered and they had peace.
Now was the time for the two and a half tribes to return across to the east side of the Jordan and go and settle their land.
Joshua encouraged them, in Joshua 22:5 to keep the commands of Moses and to “love the Lord your God and walk in all his ways.”
He then blessed them and sent them away.
As they came to the Jordan River and were about to cross the Jordan an assumption, rose up in their minds that perhaps the day would come when the rest of Israel on the west side of the river would forget that they belonged together.
They feared that the river would become a dividing point that would cause the main group to reject them and refuse to allow them to worship in their tent of meeting.
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