Sermon Tone Analysis

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*The Pillars of Community XVII: Single in Community *
*1 Corinthians 7*
*/May 3, 2009/*
 
*Prep: *
·         Notes, Lewis on chastity
·         Passage
 
*Scripture Reading:* 1 Corinthians 7:32-35  
 
Intro
 
·         Ted suggested preaching on singleness in our *community* *series*.
About *45*% of adults are single, but *fewer* in *churches*.
Sometimes the church seems to be *unfriendly* towards singles:
 
·         Pastors and most of the congregation tend to be *married*, so everything from sermon *topics* to events are family geared.
·         Seeing couples (*seemingly*) *happy* can make *loneliness* worse.
·         *judgment* of the *divorced* or *single* *parents*.
So I’ll fix that with one sermon – obviously, that’s impossible.
My goal is to encourage *singles* to be *God*-*honoring*, *content*, and *productive* *members* of the community, and encourage *families* to *intentionally* *integrate* singles into their community.
·         I will be talking frankly about *sex*, so be warned!
I’ll devote a lot of time to sex, for the sake of the *singles* (we like to pretend Christian singles aren’t having sex, but they are), and to help us as *parents* when talking to our *kids*.
Prayer
 
Let us be a community *without* *walls*, part of each other’s lives.
Marriage and celibacy both honored
 
As near as I can tell, Christianity is the only major religion that *honors* both *marriage* and *singleness*.
1) *Marriage* is part of God’s plan for humanity: “It is not good to be alone,” we were created to complete each other.
2) *Celibacy* for the sake of the Gospel is honorable.
Both Jesus and Paul were single in order to serving God:
 
*1 Corinthians 7:7 *  7 I wish that all men were as I am.
But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
Paul is thinking, “Imagine how many we could reach if...” but he knows it’s unrealistic.
Celibacy is a *gift* – not expected.
Ä  One point is both *clear* and *unpopular*: You have to choose between *marriage* and *celibacy*.
marriage or CELIBACY: Choose one
 
Whether you are *waiting* for marriage or plan on *staying* single, God’s rule is the same: No sex outside of marriage.
*1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 *  3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;  4 that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable,  5 not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God...
 
·         “Sexual immorality” (Gk: /porneia/) means “sex outside of marriage.”
It’s pretty straight forward.
In 1 Corinthians 7:36, Paul basically tells an *engaged* *couple* to get married if they are having a hard time not having sex.
How much more so should *dating* *couples* wait?
As you read through 1 Corinthians 6 & 7, Paul pretty much removes all the *wiggle* *room*, whether you are divorced, widowed, or never married: If you are not married you are to be celibate.
*What’s the big deal?
*
 
For the *majority* of human history, this view has been both *unpopular* and *uncommon*.
The ancients were of the “*consenting* *adults*” perspective.
We think that the “*Sexual* *Revolution*” was a massive shift, but it was actual a return to the past.
It’s not that Christians need to get with the *times*, but that we have always been *counter*-*cultural* on this.
Q   *Why* is this such a big deal?
First an important *framework*: *Sin* is that which *damages* us, our relationship with him, and our relationship with others.
We may not always *understand* the reasons, but there are *good* *reasons*.
·         If you are a Christian, you should start from *obedience* to your Lord, then obey from *trust*, then look for *reasons*.
Christian sexual ethics
 
Simply put, Judeo-Christian sexual ethics are based *not* out of *prudery* or *fear* of *sex* (though some Christians are, which is sad for them), but out of a *higher* *view* of sex – we think that sex is a *bigger* deal than the world believes.
·         We believe that it is not *recreation*, but that it *means* *something*: Moulin Rouge.
Sex *binds* us together in ways that nothing else does, it creates *physical*, *emotional*, and *spiritual* bonds.
*1.
**Physical*
 
The Bloodhound Gang said, “You and me ain’t nothing but *mammals*, so let’s do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel.”
This stands in stark contrast to the Christian view: We are way *more* than *mammals*, we were made in *God’s* *image*:
 
*Genesis 1:27 *So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
The picture is God made *Adam* reflecting God in both *masculinity* and *femininity*, but he *ripped* it apart to create man and women, and accordingly we *need* each other (in *every* *area* of life).
Men and women are *different*, and those differences are *clearest* in *sex*.
This makes sex both *harder* and more *rewarding*.
At its *highest*, sex is a husband and wife *serving* *each* *other*.
·         It’s the greatest *act* and *expression* of *intimacy* possible.
·         The *more* *people* we have sex with, the *less* it means.
It is *so* *close* that it should *ideally* only occur with *one* person, whom you have committed yourself to for a *lifetime*.
Q   Sounds like marriage, doesn’t it?
More than a piece of paper
 
Marriage is not just a *piece* of *paper* – it’s not a piece of paper at all.
It is *solemn* and *formal* public declaration of commitment.
The paper is nothing but a *bookkeeping* means of ensuring that the *legal* *benefits* and *obligations* are fulfilled.
·         I have heard in some *jungle* *tribes*, a wedding is going into the jungle together, but it is publically recognized.
The question is not do we have to have a *piece* of *paper* or ceremony to have sex, but are going to wait until you have *publically* given your *heart* before you give your *body*.
In the *OT*, marriage was a vital *protection* for *women*, who lacked the means for *supporting* themselves.
By requiring marriage for sex, men had a *driving* *reason* to commit to support the women.
Q   Sound familiar?
“Why *buy* the *cow* when you get milk for free?”
 
·         America’s *sex* *ethic* works great for the *guys*, not women.
While in our culture women can be more *independent*, you have to ask yourself, is that how you *want* to spend your life, *unmarried*, no *commitment*, no *kids*, or *raising* them *alone*?
·         *Dr*.
*Drew*: Girl whose boyfriend showed up every 3 month to get money and have sex.
Ä  *Inseparable* from the *physical* bonds are the *emotional* bonds.
*2.
**Emotional*
 
Sex draws two people *together*, whether they want it to our not.
Once you start sleeping with someone, it *changes* so much about how you relate, *married* or *not*.
·         There’s a reason I can have a *detached* argument with a *friend* and *not* with my *wife*, everything is more *personal*.
There is a *physiological* component to this: When we have sex, *oxytocin* is released (not the same thing as OxyContin).
Oxytocin is sometimes called the “*bonding* *hormone*” because it emotional creates a sense of *bonding* and *wanting* to be closer.
·         It is released during breastfeeding.
This is why guys can be more inclined to *cuddle* *after* *sex* than before!
Now this feeling of closeness is a great for a husband and a wife, but not so great for a guy you met in the bar.
*Sex* *outside* of marriage *severely* *clouds* our *judgment* and ability to discern the *character* and *flaws* of the person you are with.
·         Once you have sex, *everything* *changes*.
And with sex is a huge *emotional* and *physical* *investment*, which can make it harder to *leave* a person you don’t *belong* *with*.
This effect can be *lessened* by having *lot* of *sex* with lots of people, to where you *train* yourself to feel sex is *meaningless*, but what happens when you want it to *mean* *something* again?
 
3.
*Spiritual*:
 
Finally, there is a *spiritual* and *metaphysical* (beyond what is scientifically traceable) dimension to sex:
 
*1 Corinthians 6:15-20 *  15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself?
Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute?
Never!  16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body?
For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”
17 But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
18 Flee from sexual immorality.
All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
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