Funeral | Alex Diaz
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***Notes:
Intro:
Ryan Reed
Pastor at Christ Journey Church
I realize that we have not had the opportunity to get as acquatined as I would have liked before today, but God was already stirring in Alex’s heart - and his family’s - before this moment. Alex heard a message that I gave at our church a couple of weeks ago and felt God stirring in his heart and shared this with his family, and so his dad asked me to share a few words this evening.
I feel humbled and honored to stand here with you and walk with you during one of the most challenging, confusing, and difficult times in your lives.
I wish that none of us were here today. I don’t want to be here today. But yet, there is no place else that I’d rather be than right here with all of you right now.
I cannot begin to fathom the emotions that many of you feel, especially Alex’s family. My heart breaks for you. No one here knows the kind of pain that you are feeling. No one here can fully grasp your loss.
But our hearts are with you.
Moments like this raise a variety of emotions within each of us. You may be feeling sadness, anger, bewilderment, confusion, and deep, unspeakable pain, the kind of pain that words fail to describe.
I want to give you permission this evening to own and feel all of those emotions - however you need to do so - as we remember and commemorate Alex’s life.
If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to shake your fist, then shake it. If you need some personal space to think and process, then do it. If you need to process outlaid your emotions with someone, then find a trusted friend.
God crafted every one of you with emotions, so you need to feel and respond them, especially during times of loss.
To not do so would be unhealthy and create more pain than necessary.
Over these next several days and weeks, seek out opportunities to gather together with one another - and especially with Alex’s family - to share as many happy, joyful, and positive memories of Alex that you can muster.
This keeps his memory alive, and his family needs to know that you remember him - and not just today, but 6 months from now and a year for now
Share your stories about him - what he loved to do, places he loved to visit, special people for whom he cared, and always cherish the amazing contribution that he made to your life during his short time with you.
As we get started, let me pray for us…
As we remember Alex, would anyone like to share a brief minute long story about Alex?
Sermon:
As we navigate through these dark days ahead of us, where do we find hope? How do we keep going?
“We live on a different planet now.” [[[Pam Aparicio]]]
Like many of you, I feel so tempted to somehow try to make sense of this tragedy, as if finding an answer would somehow solve this situation and bring him back.
But even if we could answer the why question - the head question, this question still does not answer the heart question… of how you heal from the pain of your loss.
Your heart hurts.
Even if you knew why this happened and could explain it with data, those answers would not be enough to solve your heart pain… because you want him here. You want your life back to normal.
This tragedy does not fit into how we thought our world worked a few days ago, nor does it fit into how your future might look. This tragedy does not fit into the kind of relationship that you enjoyed with Alex.
We cannot make sense of his death - nor should we. This reality never fit into the picture of how we thought our world would look.
Yet, in the midst of our pain, in the depths of our despair, in the cries of our heart, I believe that my faith as a Christian provides us with a perspective on how to cope with Alex’s death… Because as a Christian and as a Pastor, I believe that… God meets us here… precisely in moments like these – during our utter anguish and chaos and distress – within the darkest places of your heart.
Here - in moments like these - is where I believe God finds you.
He did for me in my darkest hour, and he also did for a man named David who wrote the majority of the poems contained in the Bible called the Psalms.
The people who followed God back then, as well as those who do now - read some of these Psalms together during moments like these.
One writer called David a man after God’s own heart. Yet, even a man like David who chased after God’s own heart endured unspeakable pain and hardships.
So much that during his most difficult hardship, he fled from everything he knew and hid in a cave.
Now, regardless of what you might think about Christianity, church, and faith, let me ask you a question: how many of you right now feel like you want to flee this moment and hide in a dark cave away from all of this?
[[[Raise hand]]] All of us do.
While in that cave, David wrote 3 poems that gave expression to his emotions that may also do the same for you.
Listen to how he describes his anguish, and let it resonate with yours, for David may vocalize emotions that you may yet be able to speak for yourself.
And hear how in the midst of a dark, dingy cave, David looked with eyes gazed upward to find a God who would promise to remain with him during that difficult season of life.
These 3 poems capture the raw human emotion that follows after a tragedy like this one.
Your heart may feel eerily similar to the inside of the cave from where David wrote these poems.
But hear also how these poems progress from just ‘pure venting’ to ‘a healing balm’ that I believe is true for everyone of us here this morning.
Listen to the first poem he wrote called Psalm 142:
1-2 I cry out loudly to God, loudly I plead with God for mercy.
I spill out all my complaints before him, and spell out my troubles in detail:
3-7 “As I sink in despair, my spirit ebbing away, you know how I’m feeling, know the danger I’m in, the traps hidden in my path.
Look right, look left—there’s not a soul who cares what happens!
I’m up against it, with no exit— bereft, left alone.
I cry out, God, call out:
‘You’re my last chance, my only hope for life!’
Oh listen, please listen; I’ve never been this low.
Does this at all feel familiar to you with what you may be experiencing right now? It does for me.
Listen again to how these phrases read:
I cry out loudly to God. I plead with God for mercy I sink in despair, my spirit ebbing away I’m up against it with no exit – bereft, left alone. You’re my last chance, my only hope for life.
These words express on behalf of us the unspeakable emotions that we cannot speak for ourselves. David puts language to the visceral, guttural, human responses to tragedy…
He cries… pleads… sinks… ebbs…
David names his emotion - and we need to learn from this - that in his Psalm he feels his emotion all the way through to completion.
I want to encourage you to do the same as you grieve Alex’s loss.
During moments like these, some people may feel pressure from themselves or others to hide their emotions. Others may block off their emotions and never deal with them.
But I want you to make a different response to this situation. Let yourself feel your emotions. And as I said a few moments ago, do this however you need to within a safe and healthy environment. Find your safe place wherever it might be and let yourself become unabashedly free to express your emotions in ways that promote your health and grieving process.
Talk to a safe, trustworthy friend. Write down your thoughts in a journal to capture your feelings. Go back and re-read them later so that you can monitor your growth and healing. Find a way to honor Alex’s memory. A friend of mine - a parent who lost a teenage daughter in a tragic manner - found solace hiking the same trails that he and his daughter walked together. For him, that activity became a way that he could remember special moments and conversations with her.
Whatever you choose to do, please do not ignore either this moment or the many more moments to follow to grieve this loss.
Sometime later, while still living in a cave, David wrote his second poem. As I read it to you, I want you to hear a distinct shift in his emotions that takes place in this poem. It reads:
1-3 Be good to me, God—and now! I’ve run to you for dear life.
I’m hiding out under your wings until the hurricane blows over.
I call out to High God, the God who holds me together.
He sends orders from heaven and saves me; he humiliates those who kick me around.
God delivers generous love, he makes good on his word.
5 Soar high in the skies, O God! Cover the whole earth with your glory!
7-8 I’m ready, God, so ready, ready from head to toe,
Ready to sing, ready to raise a tune.
9-10 I’m thanking you, God, [[[whoa, what a shift in attitude - from crying out to God in despair to now thanking God]]] out loud in the streets, singing your praises in town and country. The deeper your love, the higher it goes; every cloud is a flag to your faithfulness.
What imagery?! Do you feel his words? So real and true to the essence of life?
He wrote, “You’re my last chance, my hope for life.” He also said, “Run to God for dear life.”
Somewhere between his first poem and this second one, something changed in David. His entire countenance - his whole life perspective - his grief - his anger - his confusion - it all changed.
And although he does not describe elsewhere how his grief changed - and how how I wish he had - we know what happened… that God broke into his world and transformed a man from total despair into a man of hope.
And how? Because as David wrote, “God made good on his word.”
And what does that mean? That somehow and somewhere between the time that David wrote his first and second poem, God broke into his world and demonstrated his radical, generous, gracious, and merciful love!
I know this moment hurts so bad and raises so many questions for you. But where do you go for solace? Where do you go for answers?
Many of you will try many things and seek answers from many places, but when all of those wells run dry - which they will - what then? What do you do then? Where will you turn next to find peace… comfort… and hope?
When all else failed for David - when hiding in a cave did not provide the solution - the very place where your heart may be right now - when all else failed, David cried out to God – after all the questions – after shaking his fist in anger – after all of his structures and systems and ways in which he ordered his world brokedown and disintegrated – there in that place… God found him… and freed him.
God provided him with generous love, making good on his promise - not just to David - but on the promise that God made to every single one of us in Christ.
And what’s his promise? That God will never leave us or forsake us during times like this. That God doesn’t leave you. That you are not alone. You are not alone. Instead, God is with you… and loves you… and is full of mercy and grace with you.
In fact not only is God with you when tragedies happen and with us right now in this place, but God mourns with you. This whole situation breaks God’s heart.
One of Jesus’ closest friends, John a man who followed Jesus and documented what he said and did, wrote about a time when another one of Jesus’ very close friends passed away. John wrote that Jesus was so grief stricken that he mourned for 2 days over his friend.
God knows your grief. He knows my grief, and for those who trust him, God desires so much to enter into your grief with you.
Not apart from you. Not away from you. But with you. And give you peace that transcends all understanding - meaning the kind of peace that don’t make sense for moments like this, but is so real.
I am here tonight to share with you that God desires to give you that kind of peace as you mourn and grieve Alex’s death.
David wrote one more poem that I want to quickly share with you, a third Psalm while still living in the cave, and form it we learn something about his experience that I believe gives us hope and a way forward through our grief.
He wrote in Psalm 34:
I bless God every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise.
2 I live and breathe God; [[[wow, what a transformation form his first poem]]] if things aren’t going well, hear this and be happy:
3 Join me in spreading the news; together let’s get the word out.
4 God met me more than halfway; he freed me from my anxious fears. [[[that’s it, my friends - and he wants to meet you more than halfway to do the same for you]]]
5 Look at him; give him your warmest smile.
Never hide your feelings from him.
6 When I was desperate, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot.
7 God’s angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray.
8 Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—how good God is.
Blessed are you who run to him.
9 Worship God if you want the best;
Embrace peace—don’t let it get away!
15 God keeps an eye on his friends, his ears pick up every moan and groan.
17 Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you.
18 If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;
if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath. People so often get into trouble; still, God is there every time.
If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there.
That’s a promise that all of us can trust.
This poem reveals something about his surroundings in the cave that the other two poems do not reveal.
And that is… there were others in there with him.
Other people fleeing from their own pain and grief to that dark, dirty ‘ol cave.
And we learn that others stood with David in his grief, and he stood with them in theirs.
He mourned with them. He cried out to God with them.
David wrote that he stood at the cusp of the the cave, celebrating and rejoicing that God actually responded to his cries for help, brought comfort to him during his distress, and set him up on a foundation of hope that once again he may experience real joy and contentment in life again.
David cried out, trusted the promise of God, and received peace in the company of others.
And the best part? The same guys who fled from their grief and ended up in that dank cave later became his best guys - his mightiest warriors who fought alongside of him in battle!
Those men went to battle together because when they battled together in the cave. Those people led nations with David. Those people trusted God together with David and accomplished more together than whole generations did who came after them!
[[[Look at Alex’s family]]] Family, the people sitting in this room are your best guys, so mourn together, cry together, shake your fist together, remember Alex’s life together, and seek God together, for God desires so much to walk with you in your pain. Let yourself feel and complete your emotions to the very end… together! Cry out to God in your despair together, and I promise you that God will hear you and find you.
After David left the cave, he still fought many battles, and so will you.
He still experienced many dark days, and so will you… so cling onto your best guys!
And friends, take care of this family - because they are your best guys! They need you. They need your love, encouragement, strength, and presence. They need it today… tomorrow… next week… next month… next year… and ten years from now. They need you. Let them feel it!
Because God does his best work in caves.
He did for me, and he did for so many others I know.
Like you, David experienced tragedy. And when he did, he fled to a cave and there, he discovered the promises of God, alongside folks like you who later became his best guys.
Because God does his best work in caves.
When Jesus died, he was placed in a cave, and hearts broke everywhere. Yet, God showed his power by restoring his life and raising him from the dead, forgiving us of our sins, and giving us new life!
God does his best work in caves.
A couple of weeks ago, Alex and his family heard me share this verse in a message I gave at our church, and it fits our situation now:
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10
Honor Alex’s memory by letting God do that same work in you. Call out to him, and God will hear you. Trust him, and God will find you right there.
Let’s pray together...