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Ephesians 4:25-32
If you've watched the news, read a newspaper, or seen a social media post today, you've probably realized that the world we live in is filled with rage.
In our angry culture, we frequently hear news of protests, hate speech, and slander.
It appears that individuals can no longer disagree while remaining civil to one another.
Instead, they yell, curse, swear, and even wear profanity-laced T-shirts.
Sometimes we think, "Where has kindness gone?"
Kindness is essential for strong relationships.
In a 2003 study, sixteen thousand people from 37 different cultures were polled on the characteristics of good partnerships.
"What is the most desirable characteristic in a spouse?" each individual was asked.
Kindness was the main priority for both men and women.
Mark Twain once said, “Kindness is a language that deaf people can hear and that blind people can see.”
Two studies published in 2016 found the following statistics:
Fifty-three percent of Americans have stopped doing business with a company because of uncivil staff,
and 34% experience regular workplace incivility.
25% of Americans have encountered online incivility or cyber bullying, nearly double the percentage from 2011.
Seventy-four percent of Americans say that in the last several decades, American manners and civil behavior have deteriorated.
On a daily basis, a quarter of Americans use extremely crude profanity.
According to a 2018 poll, 31% of Americans believe a civil war will erupt within the next five years.
I.
The Conflict with Kindness
So why, even among Christians, do we not witness more kindness in our society?
Ephesians 4 provides some crucial insight.
Mishandled anger is typically the root of our personal conflicts.
A. A Conflict of Anger
In verse 26 of our text, the Bible warns us about the dangers of anger.
It's true that there are times when anger is justified—Jesus himself demonstrated this.
Unlike humans, Jesus was always perfectly angry at sin, but not at people.
His rage compelled Him to uphold righteousness.
Unlike the rage we feel when someone wrongs us, righteous indignation is focused at an issue rather than a person.
Matthew Henry said, “If we would be angry and not sin, we must be angry at nothing but sin; and we should be more jealous for the glory of God than for any interest or reputation of our own.
Anger is frequently accompanied by sin.
This is because our anger is generally directed at ourselves—our feelings have been injured, our rights have been infringed, and our efforts have gone unnoticed.
Notice that there is only one letter difference between the words anger and danger.
Anger leads to sin and sinful actions will follow.
The Bible tells us ...
It's a good idea to keep in mind that God gave us two ears and one mouth.
The problem with anger is that it causes us to talk quickly, before we have truly listened to and understood the situation.
People are rarely, if ever, led to God's righteousness by man's anger.
Instead, it exposes our carnality and self-centeredness, and it almost always leads to more immorality.
Benjamin Franklin said, “Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.”
Sinful anger motivates us to seek vengeance and then to justify our own actions.
Anger will not help us create relationships that are marked by kindness.
Anger is incompatible with kindness, and it also harms our testimonies.
A. A Conflict of Anger
B. A Corruption of Testimony
The longer we hold onto our anger, the more our testimony suffers.
This is why verse 26 warns us, “Let not the sun go down upon your wrath.”
Wrath is defined as "intense anger; rage; fury."
"Any action done out with considerable fury, especially for punishment or vengeance,"
When we let anger seethe within us, even going to bed with it at the end of the day, and continue unresolved,
That rage will eventually spill over into other areas of our lives, causing harm to our relationships.
Because unresolved anger turns into bitterness, God advises us to confront disputes quickly and gracefully.
Bitterness not only hinders us from demonstrating kindness toward the person with whom we are angry, but it also defiles us.
When we have bitterness in our hearts, our minds will constantly think about it.
These thoughts poison both us and others around us.
We will never be able to regularly exhibit God's kindness if we allow wrath and bitterness to corrupt our hearts.
A husband and wife were celebrating their fiftieth anniversary.
A young acquaintance of theirs who was engaged asked them for the most helpful thing they had done over their five decades of marriage.
The husband replied, “We never go to sleep angry with each other.”
The young man was impressed until the wife chimed in, “And the longest we’ve ever had to stay awake was a week!”
In our passage, verse 27, it reads, "Neither give place to the devil."
We invite Satan to take advantage of our uncontrolled thinking when we hold on to our anger.
Giving place means giving "opportunity or power to act."
When we handle anger incorrectly, we invite Satan to infiltrate and affect our lives, allowing him to flood our minds with thoughts we would otherwise disregard.
Satan is real, and he despises Christ's cause.
He wants us to give him just enough room to sabotage our credibility.
In 2 Corinthians 2, the Bible reminds us that bitterness is one of the tools Satan uses to gain an advantage over us.
The spiritual battle with Satan is one in which we must continuously fight with every spiritual resource God has given us.
We can't afford to allow him control our life.
When we allow ourselves to become angry and bitter toward someone or something, Satan will take advantage of us and tarnish our testimony.
Anger will always be in opposition to kindness.
We cannot be people who value kindness in their relationships while still being angry people.
I. The Conflict with Kindness
II.
The Communication of Kindness
It is helpful to first grasp what kindness is before we can communicate it.
Our text, in verse 29, instructs us to share "that which is good for the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers"
Edification is something that everyone needs, and it is something that Christians who know and follow the Lord can provide to each other.
As Charles Spurgeon said, “No matter what good truths you have to teach, no one will thank you if you do not speak kindly.”
In verse 29, the word minister implies "to give freely, to bestow a gift, to supply."
Grace, here, is defined as "good will and loving kindness."
What does kindness look like in our communication?
A. It Is Not Corrupt
Unforgiveness nearly always comes out of our mouths if we hold it in our hearts.
This is referred to as "corrupt communication" in our text.
The word corrupt means “rotten, putrefied, unfit for use.”
What we say in anger always has a negative result.
Our angry words have the potential to be cruel and hurtful.
Mary had a tough day at school and started complaining about it as soon as she got home.
She moaned, “Nobody loves me…the whole school hates me…the whole world hates me!”
Her brother hardly looked up as he replied, “That’s not true, Mary.
Some people don’t even know you.”
The words we use have a significant impact on the listener.
Corrupt words tear people down, whereas kind words build them up.
A. It Is Not Corrupt
B. It Is Edifying
Our words should be positive and encouraging to others.
God commands us to use our words for edification, which means to "build up" or "strengthen."
Everyone needs edification, and we can all benefit from a kind word.
According to verse 29, edifying speech will "minister grace unto the hearers."
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