Faithlife Sermons

Epitaph Humor

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This page is dedicated to my dear cousin, Don Steele

(As a compliment!  *Grin*)

Although he doesn't know it, he was the inspiration for it.

HERE'S TO YOU DON!

Actual Epitaphs Found

On Tombstones In Cemeteries

"Here lies my wife

Here let her lie

Now she has peace

And so do I!"

"Here lies

JOHN D. CUDD, DMD  (Dentist)

Filling his last cavity!"

Tombstone in Round Rock,Texas

"I told you I was sick!"

Found on a headstone in an old cemetery

~ ANNA PERRY ~

"The children of Israel wanted bread

And the Lord gave them manna

Parson Perry wanted a wife

And the Devil gave him Anna!"

Grave marker in Covington, Virginia

"I made a lot of deals in my lifetime ...

But I sure went in the hole on this one!"

On a grave at Hollywood Cemetery in Richmond, Virginia

"MARGARET DANIELS"

"She always said her feet were killing her

But nobody believed her!"

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England

"On the 22nd of June

~ Jonathan Fiddle ~

Went out of tune."

In a London, England Cemetery

~ ANN MANN ~

"Here lies Ann Mann

Who lived an old maid

But died an old Mann.

Dec. 8, 1767"

Playing with names in a Ruidoso, N.M. Cemetery

"Here lies Johnny Yeast

Pardon me for not rising."

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont Cemetery

"Sacred to the memory of my

Husband John Barnes

Who died January 3, 1803

His comely young widow, aged 23,

Has many qualifications of a good wife,

And yearns to be comforted."

A marker in Enosburg Falls, Vermont

~ ANNA HEPEWELL ~

"Here lies the body of our Anna

Done to death by a banana

It wasn't the fruit that laid her low

But the skin of the thing that made her go!"

Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr Wood

"In Memory of Beza Wood

Departed this life

November 2, 1837 - Aged 45 Years

Here lies one Wood enclosed in Wood.

One Wood within another.

The outer wood is very good ...

We cannot praise the other."

In a Thurmont, Maryland Cemetery

"Here lies an Atheist

All dressed up

And no place to go!"

Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania Cemetery

"Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake

He stepped on the gas instead of the brake."

On a grave in East Dalhousie Cemetery,

Nova Scotia

"Here lies Ezekial Aikle

Age 102

The Good Die Young."

"Oops!

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York

Born 1903 - Died 1942

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car

Was on the way down.  It was."

In a Silver City, Nevada Cemetery

"Here lays Butch.

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger,

But slow on the draw."

A lawyer's epitaph in England

"Sir John Strange

Here lies an honest lawyer,

And that is strange!"

"He died at a public gathering

When the platform

Suddenly gave away."

"Here lies the body of Mary Devoe

Wife of Henry Devoe

Tears cannot bring her back

Therefore I weep."

"Beneath this stone

My wife doth lie

Now she's at rest

And so am I."

Found on a tombstone in Hookstown, Pennsylvania

It has an etching of a marijuana plant on it.

"Hi!

Stay high!

Bye!"

On a headstone at Chapel Cemetery

"I was Carolina Born

And Carolina bred

And here I lay

Carolina dead!"

On a tombstone of a woman who died

in New England in the Colonial era

"She did what she could"

"Here lies Kelly,

We buried him today.

He lived the life of Riley,

... when Riley was away!"

On a headstone in Oconto Falls, Wisconsin

"Here Lies The Body Of A Man Who Died

Nobody Mourned - Nobody Cried

How He Lived - How He Fared

Nobody Knows - Nobody Cared"

"Here Lies Joyce

She'd rather not

But has no choice."

On a tombstone of a newborn in

Ashby de la Zooch, England

"Open'd my eyes

Took a peep.

Didn't like it

Went back to sleep."

From a cemetery in Hatfield, Massachusetts

~ ARABELLA YOUNG - 1771 ~

"Here lies as silent clay

Miss Arabella Young.

Who on the 21st of May,

Began to hold her tongue."

On a headstone in Kent, England

"Grim death took me

Without any warning.

I was well at night,

And dead in the morning."

"He looked

For gold

And died of

Lead poison"

"Here lies the bones of Private Jones

For whom War held no terrors.

A private then, a private now

No runs, No hits, just errors."

A grave in Girard, Pennsylvania

~ ELLEN SHANNON ~

"Who was fatally burned

March 21, 1870

By the explosion of a lamp

Filled with "R.E. Danforth's

Non-Explosive Burning Fluid!"

An epitaph in a Wimborne, England Cemetery

~ JOHN PENNY ~

"Reader if cash thou art

In want of any

Dig 4-feet deep

And thou wilt find a Penny."

Lester Moore was a Wells Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona

in the cowboy days of the 1880's.

He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona.

"Here lies Lester Moore

Four slugs from a .44

No Les No More."

The original story of this is that someone found this

on a tombstone buried deep in the grass.

Upon pushing the grass aside, he read:

"Pause, stranger, when you pass me by,

For as you are, so once was I.

As I am now, so will you be.

Then prepare unto death, and follow me."

Pushing the grass aside a bit more, he found the following scratched

on the stone, done with a crude instrument:

"To follow you I'm not content

Until I know which way you went!"

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