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In this last chapter we have two different sections. One is words that King Lemuel’s mother taught Him. (We don’t really know who King Lemuel is). The second part may be specifically connected or as more words from Lemuel’s mother, or just another proverb that Solomon thought fit the context well. But both are asking the same question. Do you want good things in life? Do you want to have success and find joy? Well these are the things you should be striving for.
How do you spend your time?
How do you spend your time?
In this first section we read of a mom talking to her son who is the king. And you can probably hear your own mother’s words as you read this. Because her main point to her son is this, “why would you spend your time with the wrong crowd when there is so much more for you out there?” She tells him that she had been called by God to help him grow to honor the Lord. And she gets to 3 main points.
Don’t use your authority for your own personal pleasure
Don’t use your authority for your own personal pleasure
This first piece of advice “don’t spend your energy on women or your efforts on those who destroy kings”
This isn’t about seeking a relationship, it is about his authority and wealth as the king and the ways that he uses them. She is warning him about spending time in the places that are bound to get him into troubles. These are not people who will give life to him, rather they are the type who take life away from him. These are the people to stay away from because they will take and take until you don’t have anything left. They say that when you become a professional athlete you need to keep a small circle because people will come out of the woodwork asking for money and thinking you can help them out of a jam.
Now, none of us are obviously kings or celebrities. But we all know that there are people who would call us friends but the don’t act like our friend. They make fun of us, they get us into trouble, they only find us when they have no one else to spend time with. The other warning is about relationship that aren’t going anywhere. The mother is telling him to not just look for a physical relationship, to not go searching for in all the wrong places looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend, but as we will see later, you should search for one who will bless your life rather than cause more problems.
Don’t let intoxication drive your actions
Don’t let intoxication drive your actions
Then the mother spends a long period talking to the dangers of alcohol, but this goes past alcohol and talks to the dangers of being intoxicated and the importance of sober thinking. She warms him that getting intoxicated will lead to bad decision making, poor judgment, and even bring difficulties to others. Who is alcohol for? The one who has nothing left to live for. You shouldn’t spend your time looking for the type of fun to forget, but to enjoy the memories of those living the life God wants for them.
I have spend time around a lot of people in my life. Friends, family, people who I went to college with, and I just got back from a wedding last week. I have found a lot of people use this phrase...”I need a drink”, or you could say “I just need a hit”, “I just need a quick smoke”. The word “need” here tells us that they are not just something a person enjoys just to enjoy, but a coping mechanism to forget about their problems. But you know what? After you drink, your problems will still be there, in fact, now you are more depressed because rather than deal with it you have just prolonged it.
Here is the other thing I have seen, it always leads to bad decisions. And people like to make their bad decisions “light-hearted” by talking about the fun things they have done after drinking or getting high. But they don’t tell the person who got hurt, or the broken relationship because of things they said while intoxicated, or the way that these can allow you to get taken advantage of by others.
None of this is to say that one day you shouldn’t drink alcohol but rather it is a warning that it isn’t all that others make it out to be.
Act on behalf of the less privileged
Act on behalf of the less privileged
So instead of all this other behavior the mother gives an alternative. Rather than using your time for all these pointless things that don’t lead to anything good. Use your time to be a blessing to others, to care for people who have needs, to be with friends and family. Serve in your community, care for those less fortunate than you are. Isn’t this exactly what Jesus calls us to do? Notice what the mother doesn’t say “make yourself money, build up your army, develop a new building”. She only focused on the people he is supposed to serve.
So the question we have to ask is “how do I spend my day?” Finding the next fun thing, not listening to my parents or teacher who asked me to do this? Or finding the next best way to honor the Lord. There is a good phrase “do the next right thing”.
Who do you spend your time with?
Who do you spend your time with?
Then next it talks about the person that this man finds. Verses 10-31 are actually a poem in a chiastic structure. Does anyone know what a chiastic structure is? It means that each section has a parallel with a central theme in the middle. In the middle of the chiasm is that the husband is a man of respect at the city gate. Which means he was on the city board essentially. So why all this time talking about the wife, only to make the central theme the husband? Well the point that is being made is that this is the kind of wife a man needs in order to be successful in life. It is saying “this is what kind of wife you should get”. Remember the warning about chasing women earlier.
So what kind of wife should he be looking for?
One who has surpassing value to one who finds her, more precious than any jewel
One that is trustworthy, his trust in her brings more benefit to his life rather than problems. In fact, it says she brings valuables back to the home.
She is one who creates, who works with her hands, who is innovative and finds ways to improve their home.
She adds variety, finding new things to enjoy.
She isn’t lazy, rather she is up before even the ones who are supposed to be serving her. She even makes them breakfast, she is caring and diligent for those who she works with.
She has good business sense, she finds something of value and works to make it profitable.
She doesn’t wait for others to do the work but she does it herself. She is physically capable of putting in hard work.
But she does just receive money for herself, rather she seeks to care for those in need, she plans ahead for her family. She has concern for those less fortunate then her.
She makes herself presentable, not looking sluggish as if she doesn’t care about her appearance.
She is smart and educated, giving wisdom to her children and teaching others. She refuses to be lazy.
Her family is thankful for her, they can’t think of life without her.
She loves God, she is not just good looks, but rather her beauty is on the inside. Those who know her can’t think of anyone else harder working than her.
There is a lot of war and military imagery in the poem, almost as if to say that the wife protects the husbands against many attacks that might come his way.
Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs Type: Wisdom Poem, Acrostic, Chiasmus (31:10–31)
Proverbs has, in effect, come full circle. It began by saying that the young man must embrace the imaginary ideal of Woman Wisdom in order to have a fulfilling life, and it ends by saying that one needs a good wife to achieve this goal.
The young man has no choice but to follow one woman or the other. He will either pursue Woman Wisdom or Woman Folly, and with them he will take their counterparts, the good wife or the prostitute/quarrelsome wife. He cannot attain wisdom without the good wife because she creates the environment in which he can flourish. If he chooses an evil woman, he has little hope of transcending the context she will make for him. Wisdom is not simply a matter of learning rules and precepts but is a matter of socialization, and a man is socialized first by his parents and then by his wife.
Here too wisdom is founded in creation theology. The woman is the “fitting helper” (Gen 2:18). She will either exalt or destroy her husband, and for better or for worse he will turn from his parents and cling to her (Gen 2:24). That is, he will go from the world created by his parents to the world made by his wife. The man is her “lord”17 and yet is dependent on her if he is to attain the status of sage elder who commands respect in the gate (Prov 31:23).
In Proverbs wisdom is not merely or even primarily intellectual; it is first of all relational. The young person finds wisdom through three specific relationships. A man must fear Yahweh, heed parents, and find the good wife. Moreover, one will gain the fear of Yahweh and the good wife in the same way: both are gifts from God (Eph 2:8–9; Prov 19:14).
So what do we learn from this? What type of person do you have in your life? Are they people who enhance your life? Who make you a better person and bring you closer to God? Or people who draw you away from God? Who are lazy themselves and draw you to laziness or to violence or to fowl language?