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GOOD MARRIAGES DON'T JUST HAPPEN
The Secrets of a Satisfying Marriage - Part 3 of 12
Philippians 2:2 & Ephesians 4:3
Bobby Earls, September 19, 1998, FBI
Ephesians 4:3.
We're in a series called the "Secrets of a Satisfying Marriage."
God's ideal for your marriage is harmony, intimacy, and unity.
The Bible says in Philippians 2:2 "... Live together in harmony and love, as though you only had one mind and spirit between you."
In reality very few marriages live in harmony, unity and intimacy.
In fact, if the truth were known, most people would say, "I feel cheated in my marriage.
I'm disappointed in it.
It's not at all what I expected it to be."
What happened?
Good marriages don’t just happen.
I don't care who you marry.
Good marriages just don't happen.
They are intentional.
They take time, commitment, and most of all they take effort.
Ephesians 4:3 "Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit."
Circle "every".
Today I want to talk with you about the six secrets of a satisfying marriage.
We'll look at each one of them in detail in the next six weeks together.
I want to identify them.
And I want you to evaluate yourself on these six areas -- six keys -- to a satisfying marriage.
Most of us at some time in our lives have an annual performance review at work.
When you're doing your taxes, you probably do an annual financial review.
Some of you get an annual physical checkup.
I want you to do a check up on your marriage today.
Evaluate yourself along the lines of six things.
1. Communication
2. Consideration
3. Compromise
4. Courtship
5. Commitment
6. Christ
1. COMMUNICATION
Proverbs 13:17.
It takes communication to have a successful, satisfying marriage.
"Reliable communication permits progress."
Circle "progress".
If you want to make progress in your marriage, you've got to talk.
Eighty-five percent of all marriage problems is poor communication.
Newsweek released a statistic that said, "The average couple talks to each other alone four minutes a day.
The average couple spends 47 hours a week in front of the television and spends about 30 minutes total in communication per week.
It's no wonder we don't communicate.
We don't talk with each other.
Communication is a skill you've got to learn through practice.
Men and women have very different communication needs.
A little girl, when she's born, develops linguistic skills much faster and is much more proficient in conversation than little boys.
That becomes a life long talent.
The fact is that women do talk more than men.
The average man talks about 20,000 words a day.
The average woman talks about 30,000 words a day.
When the man comes home from work about 5 p.m. he's all used up except maybe 50 words.
So he's going to grunt his way through the evening.
But the wife, because she has a bigger storage, has ten grand to expand.
She's dying to talk!
This causes great frustration in a marriage.
You've got to learn to communicate.
Evaluate yourself in communication -- one to ten.
If communication in your marriage is at a minimum level, give yourself a "1".
If you say, Sometimes we're on the same wavelength, give yourself a "4".
If you plan to talk together, schedule times to talk, give yourself a "10".
2. CONSIDERATION
Ephesians 4:2, "Show your love by being helpful to each other."Consideration
simply means paying attention to what they say, showing common courtesy, treating people with respect.
Consideration means you go out and bring in the groceries, even if it is the 4th quarter.
Consideration means you wait until she has both legs in the car before you pull out of the driveway!
It is amazing how quickly consideration vanishes once we get married.
We're very considerate when we're dating.
The five stages of a married cold:
1st year -- "Baby, darling, I'm worried about that sniffle you have.
I've called the paramedics to rush you to Frye Hospital for a checkup and some rest.
I know you don't like hospital food so I'll bring your meals."
2nd year -- "Sweetheart, I don't like the sound of that cough.
I've arranged for Dr. Johnson to make a house call.
Let me tuck you in bed."
3rd year -- "You look like you've got a fever.
Why don't you run down to the drug store and get some medicine.
I'll watch the kids."
4th year -- "Look, be sensible.
After you've fed and bathed the kids and wash dishes, you really ought to get in bed."
5th year -- "For Pete's sake!
Would you stop coughing?
I can't hear the television!
Would you mind going into the other room while this show is on?
You sound like a barking dog."
Reminds me of the guy that said, "When I first got married my wife brought me my slippers and my dog barked.
Now my dog brings me my slippers and my wife barks."
Two lovers walking down the street,
She tripped.
He murmured, "Careful, sweet."
Now married, they walk down the very same street.
But when she trips, he says, "Pick up your feet!"
We loose consideration for each other.
James 3:17 "Consideration is a mark of wisdom."
When I'm inconsiderate to my wife, I'm stupid.
The wise thing is to be considerate of your husband, of your wife.
If you're considerate when you're in a good mood, give yourself a "1".
If you help your mate out when they ask you, give yourself a "5".
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