Young Men Behaving In The Church
REACHING MEN IN THE CHURCH
TITUS 2:6 – 9
Titus 2:6-9 “Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7 In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8 and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. 9 Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them…”
Paul instructs Titus here in chapter 2 to bring the churches at Crete up to a standard of virtue. God is a saving God and God has saved people in order that they might live godly lives, in order that others might also be saved. So, in the second chapter Paul is writing to his young son in the faith, Titus, and he is telling him how to get the church in every city throughout Crete, and there were many of them, up to the place they need to be in terms of virtue to make the gospel believable.
He says you’ve got to approach every group in the church...the older men, and the younger men. Verse 6, "Likewise, urge the young men to be sensible in all things. Show yourself to be an example of good deeds with purity and doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach in order that the opponent may be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us."
Very likely a little bit younger than Timothy who was probably in his upper thirties, we find Titus maybe in his early thirties. Much younger than Paul who now describes himself as the aged, he has gone past the 60 mark, somewhere in his middle sixties.
Three points are made here with respect to responsibility given to young men that is EXHORTATION, EXAMPLE and EFFECT. That is what I think makes any men’s ministry event successful. Let’s start with exhortation, verse 6, "Likewise, urge the young men to be sensible in all things." Likewise is just a word transition that introduces a new category like the prior three categories.
1. EXHORTATION
You will agree with me this morning that men, especially young men have their own set of special problems and dangers. They are maybe more intense in some ways in the earlier part of that vast period called young. But they seem to stretch through the whole period.
Here are some observations about men: Younger men have many things as their priorities. Some men set out to conquer college, push through graduate school, learn a new job, establish a family, build up the bank account, and retire at 55.
While having these goals are commendable, younger men can sometimes lose their way and miss what’s really important in life as they pursue their goal-filled agenda.
It seems that early in adulthood, young men tend to focus on establishing relationships, (that’s different than maintaining them) women, sports, cars, and money. Some never quite get over that and others take as much as 15 years or more to emerge from their adolescent fantasies.
Then as they enter the middle adult years, they begin to evaluate things, and second-guess things, and begin to wonder about their search for meaning and significance. This often leads to what one author describes as a “dropout phenomenon” among middle-aged adults when it comes to church involvement. Six reasons for midlife adults to drop out of organized religion and church specifically (I’ll paraphrase):
1) Empty nest freedom,
2) Lack of freedom and anonymity,
3) A heightened career surge that leaves less time for church,
4) A sense that career goals are not going to be reached,
5) Burnout following unbalanced exertion of younger years,
6) Pursuit of leisure activity, and
7) Divorce or marriage problems.
Somebody said it’s too bad youth has to be wasted on the young, but that’s how it is. And youth because it is youth is immature...because it’s immature it has its own set of problems. For example, temptation is strongest in youth. (For some men in this area their youth goes into their 60’s). Lusts are most compelling at that time. Habits are formed that rarely can be killed even in old age. Youth is a time that presents more opportunity for sin, more frequent opportunity for sin. So, I have found that if you will build men’s events around these kinds of men’s challenges, the men will come to them.
Now here are some keys.
- Convince the wives that this is going to be really good for their relationship and they will encourage their men to go. If your men come home from an event and say to their wives, “I need your help; please change the channel when the Victoria Secret commercial comes on. I want all my sexual thoughts to be for you.” The wife will send them to any of the men’s events you will have.
- Plan some competitive events that are men things to attract the men to go.
- Build on past successes by having men who have gone before to invite their friends.
- Emphasize men from the same families to go.
Youth in men is a time of imagined invincibility. It’s a time of lacking of experience and experience mellows and softens with age and brings reality. It’s a dangerous, dangerous time for men spiritually to live from their 20’s through their 40’s.
Paul says this to Titus, urge the young men to be sensible, which means, to get control of themselves. That common word that simply means to develop self-mastery, self-control, balance, to get their faculties and their appetites, their longings and the desires into harness, to develop discernment and judgment.
If you can get a men’s event to do that, and get the men there, it will be successful!
Men must be taught to have power over their appetites and their faculties. These are essential if they are to be godly. They’ve got to control their lives. That means, pastors we must teach our men conformity to holy standards and that means you need to teach control to them by being with them and setting an example for them..
Let me illustrate this in a way that we as men can relate to. At the banquet, they passed the extra piece of yummy, heavily iced cake to the overweight senior saint. He had already eaten one piece. " Oh, I shouldn’t," he said. But he did.
A young man who sat watching the senior saint was agonizing over an alcohol addiction. " I shouldn’t, " he echoed, later that evening. But he did. A teenager who watched was struggling with his obsession with pornography. "I shouldn’t," he said that night. But he did.
A mother who watched was deliberating whether or not to leave her husband for an attractive man at work. "I shouldn’t," she said to herself. But she did. A young pastor, wrestling with resentment pushing him toward resigning his church, watched the senior saint succumb to temptation. "I shouldn’t," he resisted.
We never know who is watching, do we? We never know who is influenced by those " little" decisions. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, etc. and self-control. Self-control in our culture is not the same as healthy "delayed gratification." Because, in our culture, "delay" means waiting two minutes in the fast food drive-thru instead of one.
It’s like the woman who gave up Coke for Lent - and drank Pepsi instead - self- control may mean giving something up completely. We need to teach our men that Self-control is the ability to direct my physical desires to fulfill God’s purposes, instead of using them for my own personal gratification.
Self-control means taking care of my body in a God-honoring way. Self- control means biting my tongue instead of making that sarcastic remark. Self-control means saying "No" to something I want but that I know isn’t good for me.
Teaching men Self-control says to a watching world that God’s long-range purposes for my life are more important than what looks good right now.
2. EXAMPLE
Paul tells Titus to be an example of how one lives a balanced life. You’ll notice in verse 7 the word "example" and that’s obviously the key to what men need most. He is now going to say to Titus, "Look, for the sake of the young men, exhort them and that is to confront them verbally but also for the sake of the young men, set an example and that is to confront them with the pattern of your life so that they can copy what you are."
Any exhortation lacks force and impact and power without an example. In fact, exhortation without example is that old word "hypocrisy." And hypocrisy never teaches people to do right, it always teaches people to do wrong.
"In all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds" He is now saying to Titus, “Set an example with the pattern of your life so that they can copy what you are. Be a sermon; don’t just preach one. That is the kind of leader you need for any men’s event you have if you want it to be effective.
Instead of being exclusively verbal with your teachings; offer to the men visuals as well. (Rich McKinnon shares testimony of men’s retreat last week.) Paul shows that the best way to teach young men is through good deeds and example – putting the verbal and visual together for maximum impact!
Charles Spurgeon once said: A man’s life is always more forcible than his speech. When men take stock of him they reckon his deeds as dollars and his words as pennies. If his life and doctrine disagree the mass of onlookers accept his practice and reject his preaching.
In Hebrews chapter 13:7 we are told to follow the faith of those who are over us, not just to hear what they say but to follow their faith, to live the way they lived. In Philippians chapter 3:17 Paul says, "Join in following my example and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us." In 1 Corinthians 4:16 Paul says, "Be imitators of me." In 1 Corinthians 11:1 he says, "Be imitators of me as I am of Christ." This is what we try to do with men’s events. We try to have other men set an example.
Listen to what it says in Psalm 119:9 "How can a young man keep his way pure? How? By keeping it according to Thy Word." That’s something we stress in all our men’s events. If you’re going to be an example in every area then you’ve got to line up with the Word and live in a real way. That’s why the psalmist then says in verse 10, "With all my heart I sought Thee, do not let me wander from Thy commandments, Thy Word I have kept in my heart that I might not sin against Thee."
In our men’s small groups, retreats, and whatever event we do for them we stress that each of us needs an accountability partner to carry out what we are trying to live out for the Lord.
3. EFFECT
And then finally the effect...to the exhortation and the example we add the effect. Why all of this? Why are men to live in a godly way? Here it is, verse 8, "In order that the opponent may be put to shame having nothing bad to say about us so that you can silence the critics of the faith, so that you will cause people to be shamed when they criticize Christianity."
We need to teach our men to not let others say that our faith is worthless. Don’t let them say that our Christianity has no value. Don’t let them speak evil against us. Silence them and not only silence them but put them to outright shame for the falseness of their accusations, because of the lifestyle testimony that our men can maintain if they are exhorted to live for God, then given godly examples to follow, and the effect will be powerful men for the Lord. Our society, our families, and our churches all need out men to stand for Christ. And they can stand if they are taught how to in a fun and friendly atmosphere. I am convinced men want this today, but we need to provide it for them.
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