Forgiveness for a Dear Brother

Imperial Rome in the middle of the first century was one of the most cosmopolitan centers ever recorded in human history. Its population has been estimated as high as 1.3 million, with more than half of that number as slaves. These slaves were drawn from throughout the empire, but they were also joined by legionaries recruited from the Roman provinces, as well as traders, travelers, and adventurers of all kinds. Much like New York in our day, Rome was a great place to be lost among the crowd. A newcomer in a small town would stand out. A newcomer in a sea of aliens would not. That may be why a runaway slave named Onesimus fled there from the city of Colossae. There is some evidence that Onesimus had also stolen money from his owner before he took flight. However, he could not flee from the providence of God.

While in Rome, Onesimus met the Apostle Paul, who was a prisoner awaiting judgment. We do not know how they came into contact, but Onesimus would have known his master, Philemon, owed his conversion to Paul and that Philemon’s home was a gathering place for Christian observances. Onesimus may have been useless to Philemon, but in Rome, he converted to Christ and became a useful servant to Paul. Paul would have loved to keep him there, but he could not without the knowledge and consent of Philemon. Furthermore, Onesimus had a debt to reconcile. In sending Onesimus back, Paul penned this personal letter to Philemon.

Please open your Bibles to the book of Philemon.

Paul’s Letter to Philemon

Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother,

To Philemon our dear friend and fellow worker, to Apphia our sister, to Archippus our fellow soldier and to the church that meets in your home:

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints. I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ. Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints.

Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I appeal to you on the basis of love. I then, as Paul – an old man and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus – I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, who became my son while I was in chains. Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me.

I am sending him – who is my very heart – back to you. I would have liked to keep him with me so that he could take your place in helping me while I am in chains for the gospel. But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do will be spontaneous and not forced. Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back for good – no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord.

So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me. I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand. I will pay it back – not to mention that you owe me your very self. I do wish, brother, that I may have some benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ. Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I ask.

And one thing more: Prepare a guest room for me, because I hope to be restored to you in answer to your prayers.

Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends you greetings. And so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas and Luke, my fellow workers.

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.

Exegesis

In this heartfelt plea on behalf of Onesimus, Paul teaches three important points on the nature of forgiveness.

The first point is that forgiveness must be voluntary and come from the heart. Forgiveness cannot be forced or compelled. Paul’s letter is personal. He does not invoke his apostolic authority. Now, Paul may hedge his bets, somewhat, by reminding Philemon of his debt to Paul, but Paul reaches out to Philemon as a Christian brother. In verse nine, Paul writes, “I appeal to you on the basis of love.” In verse 14, Paul reiterates his point by saying, “I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do will be spontaneous and not forced.” Forgiveness must be sincere.

The second point is that while sin is neither minimized nor belittled, forgiveness means giving up our right to get even. Paul does not excuse Onesimus’s wrongdoing. He acknowledges in verse 11 that Onesimus was “useless” to Philemon. Yet, in verses 18 and 19, Paul desires Philemon to set aside vengeance such that Paul assumes the debt himself. “If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me. I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand. I will pay it back.” Paul does not stop there, though. He reminds Philemon that he owes Paul his very self and entreats him for some benefit in the Lord. Forgiveness means giving up retribution and settling scores.

The third point is that forgiveness means wishing the wrongdoer well. It may be possible for us to forsake a debt and to turn our backs on the debtor. Paul, however, writes that the Christian strives for a better outcome. In verse 16, Paul exhorts Philemon to welcome Onesimus back “no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother.” Onesimus should be dear to them “both as a man and as a brother in the Lord.” Forgiveness means loving the sinner as you love yourself. One might be tempted to believe that Paul is teaching that we should forgive only when the debtor seeks reconciliation, such as the case of Onesimus. This was not the attitude of Jesus, though, as He was nailed to the cross and forgave those who mocked Him. This was not the attitude of God who reconciled us, yet while we were still at enmity with Him. God set no conditions on his forgiving. God’s grace is free and unmerited, and He expects our forgiveness to be the same.

What amazes me is that, as a runaway slave, Onesimus, out of love and obedience to Christ, is willing to risk possible mutilation or even death in order to reconcile himself to his owner. Yet, at far less a cost than Onesimus risked, we allow our pride and ego to prevent us from seeking and giving true forgiveness. Jesus commanded us to forgive. In Matthew 5:44 Jesus says, “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Failure to do so is nothing less than disobedience. Like the Pharisees and their phylacteries and tassels, we proudly put our piety on display with our “What Would Jesus Do” bracelets, coffee mugs, and bumper stickers. Yet, we spend little time acknowledging our profound debt for “what has Jesus done.”

While we were still His enemies, God reconciled us to Him through Jesus Christ. Jesus lived the sinless life of perfect obedience on our behalf and endured the punishment that we deserve. Like Onesimus to Philemon, we were separated from God, but for those of us in Christ, we have been reunited for good. In Christ, God did not minimize or belittle our sin, but paid the penalty for it. In Christ, God voluntarily redeemed us. In Christ, God welcomes us with joy and every spiritual blessing.

As Paul writes in Ephesians 1:3-8,

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will – to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.

As recipients of God’s marvelous grace, we are called to rise above retribution and to offer grace to others. Our forgiveness must be sincere and not forced. We must surrender the right to get even. We wish the wrongdoer well. Finally, forgiveness should lead to reconciliation. As Paul might say, “I know you have been wronged; I know you grieve. But, in light of what God has done for us, how can we do less?” In Ephesians 4:31-32, Paul exhorts us to “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Forgiveness should come naturally to those who are forgiven in Christ. Do we not pray every Sunday, “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us” (Mat 6:12).

Illustration

Years ago, I was told of a story of a church that had been faithfully led by a wonderful and well-loved minister of the Lord. After several decades of service, this beloved pastor passed away and a new, young minister was brought on to lead the church. It was a very difficult transition, though. There was one elderly woman, in particular, who caused him great trouble. In this woman’s eyes, nothing he did was right. Moreover, she was vocal in her scorn. Not only would she criticize him to his face, but also she led a campaign behind his back to malign him. I do not know exactly what this new minister did to earn her scorn. Perhaps he called Communion the Eucharist. Maybe he changed the order of the service or the type of music that was played. Possibly, he even moved the Christmas Eve service into a theater.

Probably his great sin was that he was just different from the comfortable world in which this woman had come to rely. We can get into these deep and comfortable grooves in our lives and we react terribly if anyone of anything disturbs that comfort. The problem is that these grooves may reach a point when they become idols. We cling to externalities or comfortable practices that become sacred to us, but are nowhere prescribed in Scripture. These idols, then, become more important to us than what God has said.

This trouble continued for several months until a sad day when the woman’s husband of many, many years passed away. She was devastated. The man who had been her companion, her rock, her deepest groove of all, was gone and she was left all alone. Her new pastor made it a point to visit her daily. Sometimes he would cook a meal; sometimes he would fix things around the house or run errands for her. He prayed with her, and, most often, he just sat and listened to her. This went on for a couple weeks until one evening when it was time for him to go. As he made his way towards the door, the woman reached out to him and through her tears she cried, “I am so, so sorry for everything I have said and done.” This pastor put his arm around her and said, “Forgiven, forgotten, forever.”

For many of us, our justification is marked the same way. With His irresistible grace, God strips us bare of our pride, ego, and pretensions. When these useless fig leaves are torn away from us, we stand before Him in our sin and shame and we recognize how much we have grieved Him. In repentance we cry, “I am so, so sorry for everything I have said and done.” And, this marvelous and gracious God says, “By the blood of my Son, forgiven, forgotten, forever.”

Application

How, now, shall we live? True forgiveness, especially when you have suffered deeply, is not easy. It takes time, if not a lifetime.

First, focus on the cross of Christ. The cross remains that unique place where God’s righteousness, justice, mercy, and grace coincide. As the writer of Hebrews says in chapter 12, “let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” We have a race marked out for us by God. As we run that race, keep our eyes fixed on the cross. The God that redeemed us will sustain us and sanctify us.

Second, rediscover the humanity of the sinner. It is easy to denigrate, or worse, dehumanize the sinner. We define them by their sin and reduce their total being to their transgressions. However, “there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom 3:22-23). We also do not know what God has planned for them. Do not forget that the Apostle Paul was a persecutor and murderer of Christians before God redeemed him.

Thomas Watson wrote, “We need not climb up into heaven to see whether our sins are forgiven. Let us look into our hearts and see if we can forgive others. If we can, we need not doubt that God has forgiven us.” Let us search ourselves. Is there anyone we have grieved in need of our repentance? Are we withholding forgiveness from someone? Do not delay. The next day, let alone the next hour are not guaranteed to us. Let us be willing, with a grateful heart, to proclaim, “Forgiven, forgotten, forever.”