Sermon Tone Analysis

*The Pillars of Community IV: Truth Telling in Community*

*Ephesians 4:11-16*

*/January 18, 2009/*

 

 

*Prep: *

·         In Training, Community III

·         Jewel’s blog

·         Organic Community 142; Townsend 44; Bonhoeffer 103-108

·         Read passages, commentary on Eph 4:15-16

 

 

*Recap*

 

I have really been *looking forward* to this sermon, as it begins delving into one of the *secrets* Christian living, something that has made a profound impact on me: calling each other up to *higher* *standards*.

·         Twice Cecil has talked to me about my sermons.

Last week we began talking about *two* *elements* that are vital for *community*, which is a place where we *belong*, *grow*, and *serve*.

And in order to grow as individuals within community, we have to be given *grace* and *acceptance* on one hand and *speak* *truth* and push each other to grow on the other.

·         Last week we emphasized grace and acceptance, and looked at Jesus example: *Grace preceded* the challenge to grow

 

But speaking truth, which includes *challenging*, *confronting*, and *rebuking*, is also vital.

This week we will focus on truth-telling within community, helping each other grow:

 

1.

How dangerous it is to do

2. Why we still must do it

3.

The right way to do it

 

*Prayer*

 

As I said last week, each of us has a tendency to *overemphasis* grace or truth.

Help us to be *balanced* as a church, a community, and individuals.

*Two sermons*

 

As I worked on this sermon, I realized that I was trying to cover *two* related but *separate* *topics*:

 

Q   What’s the difference between *confronting* a close *friend *about how he is talking to his children and your dysfunctional, semi-abusive *father-in-law* about how he treats your kids?

Both are *confronting*, both are *speaking* *truth*, hopefully with *grace* and acceptance, but one is based on a shared *relationship*, common *beliefs*, and mutual *permission* to help each other *grow*, the other is not.

·         One is based on *community*, one is not.

These two situations are radically different in how they must be handled, so this is going to be handled in two sermons:

 

1.

How to speak loving truth into the life of *someone *in *community*, seeking to help them grow.

2. How to confront a person who is *hurting you*, *themselves*, or *others*, even though there is not the bond of community.

This sermon will work from the assumption of being in community: *belonging* to each other, having basic *agreement* on *beliefs* and on what is *healthy* and *unhealthy*, using the *Bible* as our *source*, and a *desire* to *grow* (a *vital* element).

*The perils of truth-telling*

 

I am using the term “truth-telling” to mean that even while we love and accept each other just as we are, we are also *speaking* God’s *truth* into each other, *pushing* each other to *grow*.”God

loves us just the way we are, but too much to leave us there.”

·         Sometimes it is *gentle*, sometimes *harsh*, sometimes and *encouragement* and sometimes a *rebuke*.

Truth telling is a *dangerous* *enterprise*: We are in danger of spiritual *pride*, *smugness*, *judgmentalism*, and a host of other sins *worse* than what we are confronting.

Jesus warned:

 

*Matthew 7:1-5 ESV* ¶ Judge not, that you be not judged.

2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.  3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?  4 Or how can you say to your brother, “Let me take the speck out of your eye,” when there is the log in your own eye?  5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

The very thought of having to challenge another should *intimidate* *us*.

Who am I to call someone on anything?

I am *just* as *sinful* as them – isn’t that being *hypocritical*?

If it *doesn’t* intimidate you, then you are probably *not* *ready* to do it.

Ä  But *speck-removing* isn’t a bad thing, it’s *good*.

If you’ve ever had a speck in your eye you remove, you would agree.

*The mandate*

 

The fact is that we all are in *need* of *help*.

We are not capable of living up to God’s standards on our own.

I doubt any of us our so *arrogant* as to believe that you have *arrived*.

I think we all also *recognize* that it is in *community* that we grow.

Truth telling is a *key* *reason* for community:

 

1.

In community our *holiness* is *tested* – we all like to pretend that we are nice people.

2. In community we can be *forced* to see the *truth* about ourselves that we work so hard to *ignore*.

3.

In community we *learn *things we did not know.

So if truth-telling is a *vital* element of community, but it is *dangerous*, what are the options?

Leave to the *professionals*?

We often hear the expression “*speak* the *truth* in *love*,” but let’s look at the context and how it *commissions* every believer to speak truth and the *goal* of truth-telling.

*Ephesians 4:11-16 NIV*  11 It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers,  12 to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up  13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming.

15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

“Speaking the truth” is not a reference to *nicely* putting people in their place.

It is speaking of *THE* *truth*, of the *Gospel* – the entire *length* and *breadth* of what *God* has done for us and how we are now to *live* in *response*.

Also notice *who* is speak the truth in love: *Not* the *pastors*, it is our job to *train* *you* up.

Finally, notice the *purpose* of truth-telling: It is not telling someone *how* *bad* they are (we are can usually do that to *ourselves*), but to help us all *grow* and be *built* *up* in love.

*Getting it right*

 

Clearly, truth-telling is not only vital to the health of the community, but is also is every *Christian’s* *responsibility*.

Yet it is still *difficult* and *dangerous*.

Q   How do we get it right?

There are several elements that I believe are vital “speaking the truth in love”:

 

\\ 1. Humility

2. Genuine affection

3. Getting permission

4. Being prepared

5. Receiving as well as giving

6. Speaking with grace

\\  

 

*Humility*

 

Jesus did not *condemn* *speak* *removing*.

It was trying to remove a speck with a *log* in your eye.

·         I think that log is *judgmentalism* and *spiritual pride*.

Judging is *condemning* others, regardless of whether it is by God’s standards or yours.

It is not *our* *job* to condemn.

If it doesn’t come from *humility*, it’ll come from *pride*.

·         When we *consider ourselves better* than the other, we will be *incapable *of *seeing clearly* enough to speak truth into them.

*Getting permission*

 

In most cases, effective truth telling requires being *given* *permission* to speak into someone’s life.

Seldom does God have us butt our head into *situations* that our *not* *our* *own*.

*Proverbs 26:17 *  17 Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.

This takes two forms:

 

1.

One-time permission, given by asking for help.

2. A relationship that includes implicit blanket permission (which means the truth-telling may still be uninvited).

By nature, ongoing permission usually only exists in *personal* and *intimate* *relationships*.

Let me say that one of my gripes about some current *perspectives* on *community* is that it doesn’t recognize the importance of relationships for truth-telling.

·         *permission* means you’ll *know* *more* and be *better* *received*.

·         There may be the *rare exception*, and usually that means it’s “outside of community,” so wait for the *next sermon*.

With *public* and *social*, the truth-telling will typically come through the *teaching*, or other *less* *direct* routes.

*Genuine affection*

 

Next part of “telling the truth in love” is the *love* part.

Not “I love you not like you,” but “I *like* you and *care* for you.”

Genuine *affection* is absolutely vital to truth-telling.