Genesis 29:31-30:24: Hope for a Dysfunctional Family
Notes
Transcript
Introduction
Introduction
https://www.allure.com/story/bride-cancels-wedding-guests-1500-attendance-fee - I don’t know if this man ended up marrying this woman after this… BUT, if he did, I can tell you how the marriage turned out: dysfunctional.
Jacob’s family put the fun in dysfunctional. We’ve seen the dysfunction between Jacob’s parents as they chose favorite sons. We saw the dysfunction between Jacob and Esau.
Jacob travels to his uncle’s house, but there’s dysfunction there as well. Laban and his oldest daughter Leah deceived Jacob into marrying Leah when what he really wanted was to marry Rachel. Now, Jacob is married to both Leah and Rachel. Never a good idea to marry sisters.
Gen. 30 puts the dysfunction of Jacob’s marriage on display. This is a sad story of a sad marriage.
None of us in this room are involved in a polygamous marriage, but some of us feel like we’re stuck in a sad marriage. Dysfunctional is the word you would use to describe your marriage. Or, you come from a dysfunctional family. You’re the child of parents who had a rocky marriage, and maybe you have a rocky relationship with your parents. Someday you want to be married, and you don’t want dysfunction to follow you.
If you feel like you’re in a dysfunctional family, is there any hope? Can life be different? Can your relationships be different? Can God work in the midst of your dysfunctional relationships? YES! BUT… for you to start to see hope in your dysfunction, three realities that you need to settle deep within your heart if you are going to find hope in your dysfunction.
The Story
The Story
Jacob has two wives, and by the time the story is over, he’s going to have four wives and twelve kids over the span of seven years. That means several of his wives are going to be pregnant at the same time. You know that’s a disaster waiting to happen.
Leah - the unwanted wife. Some spouses feel like Leah. You feel like you never have the attention and affection of your spouse. Your spouse’s heart is elsewhere: her job, his hobbies, etc. You’re unwanted by your spouse, but you’re wanted by God. He cares for you.
God demonstrates care for Leah - gives her three children. Each time: “Now Jacob will love me. If I can just give him what I know he wants, a family, he’ll love me.” Jacob doesn’t.
Judah… “Now I will praise the Lord.” Leah’s perspective changes. BUT… she’s in a marriage that’s not God’s design. Hard to stay focused on God when your marriage is not God’s design.
Seems like Rachel has it great. She has her husband’s love, Leah doesn’t. BUT, having her husband’s love is not enough for Rachel. Leah has four children, Rachel has none. To Jacob: “Give me sons, or I will die!” Jacob angry: “This ain’t my problem. Take it up with God!” So much for an understanding husband...
Then Rachel repeats the mistake of Sarah. When you can’t give your husband children, give your husband another wife and claim that woman’s baby as your own. She gave Jacob Bilhah, and Bilhah has a son. Rachel gives credit to God. “God has vindicated me.” (vs. 6) Really?
Two sons: Dan and Naphtali.
Leah: “Rachel is going to catch up with me...” Problem, she’s stopped having children. Maybe Jacob had stopped being intimate with her? Maybe God closed her womb? She does what Rachel did - gave Jacob her servant as a wife. Now, Jacob has four wives. And, two more children: Gad (I’m so lucky…) and Asher (I’m so happy…)
But no real happiness in this family. Two sisters at each other’s throats competing for the affection of their husband.
Reuben, Leah’s son, finds mandrakes in the fields. Rachel finds out, and she wants the mandrakes. Reputation as an aphrodisiac and a fruit of fertility. You eat mandrakes you get babies. The Greeks called them “love apples.” (Men, you’re asking, where can I get some?) “The mandrakes give forth fragrance, and beside our doors are all choice fruits, new as well as old, which I have laid up for you, O my beloved” (Song of Solomon 7:13).
Leah: “You’ve taken my husband. Now you want my mandrakes?” Sisters fighting over mandrakes. Makes sense. Rachel: “You can have Jacob tonight if you give me the mandrakes...” Rachel is barren. Maybe the mandrakes will open her womb.
Jacob comes home, and Leah says, “You’re mine tonight. I paid for you with mandrakes.” Jacob unknowingly becomes a male prostitute.
But it’s not Rachel that gets pregnant. Leah gets pregnant. Twice. “This time my husband will honor me...” vs. 19. Vs. 21 - also a daughter, Dinah.
vs. 22 - God remembered Rachel. Finally, a son. Joseph. For Jacob, favorite son. Firstborn of the wife that he loves. “May the Lord add another son to me...” Eventually, Rachel gives birth to Benjamin.
12 sons, one daughter, and a lot of dysfunction. Where’s the hope in this story? The hope is in settled realities that were missing in the lives of Leah, Rachel, and Jacob.
Settle in your heart where true fulfillment is found.
Settle in your heart where true fulfillment is found.
If you don’t settle in your heart where true fulfillment is found, then you are setting yourself up for dysfunctional relationships.
Beware of wrong expectations.
Don’t expect marriage to give you what only God can give you: perfect love.
Fulfillment in marriage for sure, but not ultimate… Leah: “If I give him children, Jacob will love me...”
“If I can spend my life with the love of my life, I’ll be content.” If you think one person can bring you ultimate contentment and satisfaction, you are placing a burden on your spouse that he/she can’t carry.
A child will never ultimately fulfill you. Rachel: “If you don’t give me sons, I’ll die...” If you expect your children to bring ultimate fulfilment, you are placing a wait on your children they cannot carry.
Your spouse and your children are sinners. They will let you down.
Know who completes you.
Jerry Maguire: “You complete me.” Some of you married yet don’t feel complete. Jesus completes you. Ultimate fulfilment found in Him. He died for you. Not your spouse. He took the punishment for your sin. Not your spouse.
Your spouse doesn’t complete you. Your spouse compliments you. Marriage a gift from God to help you in your pursuit of God.
AND… fulfilment in marriage when you help your spouse become who God wants him/her to be.
If you’re married, are you putting an unrealistic expectation on your spouse? “I can only be fulfilled if my spouse… (fill in the blank.) Or your children? “I can only be fulfilled if my children...”
If you’re single, now is the time to get your relationship with God in the right place so you will not elevate your future marriage to a place above God.
Your marriage will be fulfilling when you have found fulfillment in God.
Joy - you feel like it’s nowhere to be found… IT IS… In Christ…
Settle in your heart that God’s design is the only design for human flourishing.
Settle in your heart that God’s design is the only design for human flourishing.
A long way from Gen. 2 - In the garden: One man, one woman committed to each other for life - complementing each other.
By Gen. 3 - polygamy. Now, Gen. 29 - polygamy. Lev. 18:18 - God gets specific: “Don’t marry two sisters...”
Polygamy widely practiced in ancient world. Many examples in the Bible, but not one example where it works out well. Why? It’s not God’s design.
Reminder: any marital or sexual relationship outside of God’s design is sinful. Having two wives is sinful. Having a wife and having a girlfriend on the side is sinful. Pornography = sinful. Homosexuality = sinful. Bisexual = sinful.
Christian view not a popular view, but we’re not following Jesus to win a popularity contest. We’re following Jesus and His way because His way is life!
Easy to say amen… BUT are you LIVING God’s design? Are you valuing God’s design?
What the Bible calls sinful, we accept as normal.
When we accept what is sinful as what is normal, dysfunction abounds.
Husbands, don’t abdicate your role to lead your family to walk with God.
Instead, every family needs a man who loves his wife like Christ loves the church and raises his children to walk with God.
Jacob to Rachel: “You’re problem with God instead of me.” Instead of, “Let’s seek God.” Or, letting himself get passed around between two women instead of putting a stop to the nonsense.
There’s not a husband in this story who’s leading in a way that honors God.
And, let’s be honest… In many marriages, it’s the same story… No husband/father who’s leading his wife and family to walk with the Lord.
Most Christians homes: Lots of God talk (Jacob’s home) but not a lot of walking with God. And you wonder why there’s dysfunction?
What needs to happen?
An honest conversation: Husbands and wives… where are you with the Lord?
An honest confession: Husbands, repent of abdicating your responsibility.
Loving care: 1 Pet. 3:7. Handle your wife with care.
A new start: accountability, counseling, praying together… whatever it takes to get it right. BUT… husbands, you need to lead through this.
Settle in your heart that God is bigger than the dysfunction.
Settle in your heart that God is bigger than the dysfunction.
Passage not just a reminder that God has a better design. Ultimately, this passage is the story of Israel’s beginnings.
Abe - 1 son. Isaac - 2 feuding sons. Jacob - 12 sons - the tribes of Israel. Settle in the land - the tribes would get portion of the land.
Israel would come back to the Torah and read this story - their origin. It was messy.
In the wilderness, Moses wrote the Book of Genesis and wrote down the Law.
He wrote down truth and grace. Here’s God’s way. Live His way. Don’t repeat the mistakes of your past ancestors. There’s a better way.
Two reminders from this story:
We need the truth. Truth: God’s way is the only and better way. In your marriage, you can today embrace His way.
You can also be honest with your children. Your marriage may never be what God intended it to be because one of you refuses to listen to the Lord. You can tell your children as they get older: “Learn from us. Do it God’s way.”
You need the truth, and you need to tell the truth.
We need grace. Jacob, Leah, and Rachel’s mess didn’t stop God’s work. God was so gracious.He brought a great nation out of the mess - a great nation from which a Messiah would be born.
Jesus is the One who came from a lineage of messy people to redeem messy people. He has come to you in your mess and He’s offered you forgiveness through His death and resurrection, and He’s offered you a better way. The way of life. Turn to Him.
Your dysfunction is not bigger than God. If you would seek Him as a family, He can work a miracle.