Sinners Made Saints — Who Needs Marriage?

David Krueger

1 Corinthians • Sermon • Submitted 3 years ago

1 Corinthians 7:1–5

Marriage

Covenant

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Marriage is a dam that holds back the flood of immorality in a Christian’s life.

Notes

Transcript

Text: 1 Corinthians 7:1-40

Theme: Marriage is a dam that holds back the flood of immorality in a Christian’s life.

Date: 09/26/2021 Title: 1_Corinthinas_12 ID: NT07-07

As we arrive at chapter 7 in 1 Corinthians we arrive at a section where Paul is going to be answering some specific questions submitted to him by this congregation. Up until now Paul has been dealing with a series of moral problems facing the church at Corinth. It’s almost as if a whole series of letters have arrived from this congregation informing the apostle of the things that are taking place within this church. Paul is responding to certain issues within the church and here comes another letter and he has to respond to those issues and as is responding to those issues, well, here comes another letter from the Christians at Corinth. In my mind’s eye I can see the apostle Paul at his desk writing his response when the postman arrives with another letter with the return address “Corinth” in the upper left-hand corner, and the apostle rolls his eyes and mouths the words Oy vey, another one!

Within one of these letters comes a series of questions that the Corinthian Christians need some answers to ...

Paul, what about marriage? Should Christians get married, or should they stay single? Is marriage sinful? We have some members saying that it is.

Paul, what about divorce? Should a Christian husband-and-wife stay together and work things out, or do irreconcilable differences give us cause for divorce? What about if the wife is a Christian and the husband is not, or vice versa — what does the Christian do when the unbelieving spouse abandons them?

Paul, is it okay to eat food that has been sacrificed to an idol? This question is really dividing folks.

Paul, what about the Lord’s Supper? We have people showing up early for the fellowship dinner and gobbling everything down before the working stiffs get there. And not only that, some are getting into the sacramental wine and getting drunk before the worship service. How do we handle this?

Paul, what about spiritual gifts, and worship?

Paul, what about the resurrection? We actually have members denying the reality of Christ’s resurrection as well as their own hope of resurrection. Give us some help here.

Paul, what about love offerings? Should we or should we not be taking them up?

These are some of the issues we’re going to be looking at in the weeks and months to come. These are issues that are still weighty matters for the church today. And in 2021 there is perhaps no weightier matter then marriage.

The title of this morning’s message is, Who Needs Marriage? A growing number of Americans, including professing Christians, don’t think they do. Data released just about a year ago shows wedding bells are growing ever-fainter in states across America. According to the latest information from the National Center for Health Statistics, marriage rates hit an all-time low in 2020. The national marriage rate fell to 6.1 marriages per 1,000 people — the lowest since U.S. government began keeping marriage records for the country in 1867. It’s been declining steadily since the mid-1980's. In 2018, a record 35% of Americans ages 25 to 50, or 39 million, had never been married. A mere generation ago 75% of all adults were married, and 80 of all American households were made up of married couples. Today a mere 50% of all adults are married and the proportion of households consisting of married couples has fallen to 49%.

Societies that minimize the importance of marriage, or denigrate marriage, or redefine marriage are societies that are committing slow suicide. The Church has recognized this and is why Christianity has historically, encouraged, and defended the institution.

So what does the apostle Paul have to say about it?

I. THE DESIRE FOR MARRIAGE

1. the fundamental question has come to Paul — Is it better to remain single than to be married?

a. some of teaching that it is

A. THE CIRCUMSTANCE BEHIND THE CORINTHIANS’S QUESTION

1. in most Bible translations, part of 1 Corinthians 7:1 is in quotations, and means that Paul is responding to a specific question within the Christian community at Corinth

a. some have come to the conclusion that it is more “spiritual” to remain single than to marry, and are promoting that idea within the church

2. perhaps they were taking their cue from Paul’s own life of celibacy

a. Paul was single and even in this passage tells his readers I wish that all were as I am (vs. 7, 9)

b. for the sake of the broader ministry God had called him to, Paul saw singleness as the better option for himself

1) and yet Paul will tell the Corinthians in 9:5 that, though he has chosen singleness, he has the absolute right to have a wife and bring her along on his mission trips just as the Apostle Peter does

3. or perhaps this is the beginning of the notion that would grow within the Church for the next several hundred years, that sex was somehow “dirty” or “sensual” and “demeaning” of one’s Christian character, and to be avoided — even among married couples

ILLUS. One of the Church’s greatest early theologians was Augustine of Hippo. He lived in the late 4th and early 5th centuries. He got a lot of things right and the Church is indebted to him. But he didn’t get everything right, and one of the things he was particularly hard on was marital sex. Augustine taught that within marriage, sexual intercourse for the purpose of having children is blameless. The carnal pleasure that the spouses experience represents God's manner of inducing a man and woman to have children and raise a family. Outside of this, however, sexual intercourse that takes place at any time when procreation is not possible, is sinful. If a couple chooses to engage in sexual relations primarily for the sake of pleasure he considered this to be the sin of lust, albeit a “minor sin” since the couple is married.

a. in time this view would lead to a separated clergy who were to be celibate, and because they were single and celibate where considered more spiritual than the congregation

b it’s a view that has no biblical basis

B. THE CORRECTION TO THE CORINTHIAN’S ARGUMENT

1. the Apostle does not give a straight up “yes” or “no” answer, but responds to the question honestly and sensitively

a. in vs. 2,7, 9 Paul recognizes one of the basic reasons for marriage ... it’s about physical attraction and sexual fulfilment

1) as Christians this should not surprise us nor embarrass us

b. marriage is God’s plan for human flourishing, and that flourishing is best experienced in a monogamous relationship with one spouse, (of the opposite gender — we have to include that now), and preferably until death

1) Paul recognizes the reality of God’s created order — it is, for the vast majority of humanity — it is better to marry than to burn with passion and indiscriminately fulfill that passion

2) it’ okay for rabbits to breed like ... well, rabbits, but that is not how men, created in the Imago Dei, are meant to be

c. human flourishing involves mutual attraction, and sexual attraction

1) as we will see in a moment it involves much more than that

2. for lack of a better word, the desire for marriage is a primal urge stemming from the reality that God made us sexual creatures

a. by primal I mean fundamentally important

“Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:1–5, ESV)

b. the vast majority of human beings have an natural need for coupling and conjugal relationships

1) God, Himself, created us this way and recognizes the need within us, and it’s why God declared that Adam and Eve should become one flesh forever sitting the pattern for the majority of mankind

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:24–25, ESV)

2) I’ve always found it interesting that no marriage is ever recorded in the Book of Genesis, but Moses tells us God specially created the woman for the man, brought the woman to the man, the man said of the woman, “I like it ... thank ya God” and Moses calls Eve the wife of Adam

3. while physical attraction and sexual fulfilment are fundamentally important they are not singularly important — marriage is about so much more

II. THE DEFINITION OF MARRIAGE

1. though much of what I’m about to say, is not taken from this specific text, we cannot speak to the issue of marriage without going into it’s biblical meaning

2. in a culture that is racing at breakneck speed to destroy traditional marriage, the Church must defend marriage, and God’s plan for it

a. that plan is found in three biblical principles of marriage

b. I found Tim Keller’s book On Marriage helpful here

A. THE BIBLE SPEAKS TO THE ESSENCE OF MARRIAGE

1. the essence of marriage is not sexual passion that comes and goes and comes and goes — it’s not even the feeling of love

ILLUS. Listen to what C.S. Lewis writes about this. “Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called ‘being in love’ usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending ‘They lived happily ever after’ is taken to mean ‘They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,’ then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be ‘in love’ [does] not mean ceasing to love.”

a. passion comes and goes, but the essence of marriage is a long-term binding commitment established through a covenant

1) a covenant is a formal, solemn, and binding agreement — today we would call it a contract

2) participants in the covenant establish the basis of a relationship, conditions for that relationship, promises and conditions of the relationship and consequences if those conditions were unmet

3) in the bible covenants are normally solemnized in a public ceremony involving sacrifice, and an exchange of promises or vows

b. when it comes to marriage, one of the really stupid things you’ll hear people in our culture say is, “If we really love each other, we don’t need a piece of paper that says we do”

1) at the risk of being crass, that’s usually said by men who don’t want to buy the cow because they’re getting the milk for free

c. let me give you two reasons why you should enter into a biblically defined, socially sanctioned, legally binding relationship that the bible calls a covenant

2. 1st, biblical marriage — covenantal marriage — creates stability in a relationship

a. what is it that keeps a couple hanging in there through the hard times?

1) it’s a piece of paper called a marriage licence, but more specifically it’s what that piece of paper represents

b. think with me for a moment about the vows people make at their wedding

1) we don’t vow to our partner to “love them forever”

ILLUS. I looked through my entire database of wedding ceremonies — 15-20 different orders of service, different vows, various ring ceremonies. In all those ceremonies I found one where the couple promises to love each other.

a) that’s a given — at least in Western culture

b) we get married because we love somebody; we fell in love with them and are making an assumption that we will be in love with them until the day we die

2) but the vows we make are promises to remain true to our spouse, to honor our spouse, to remain committed to our spouse in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, through poverty or wealth all the day of our lives.

c. when we make these kinds of promises to our spouse, before family and friends in the congregation of fellow believers — even before God himself — this kind of covenant creates stability in a relationship that nothing else can.

ILLUS. Rev. Timothy Kelly, a Presbyterian pastor and author, writes that there are two basic kinds of relationships in any society. There are consumer relationships and covenantal relationships. A consumer relationship is the kind of relationship you have with your local hardware store owner or health care provider. As long as your getting a good product or good service at a good price you’ll continue to use a particular business. But if you can get a superior product at the same of even better price, you switch businesses. Your needs are more important than the relationship with the vendor.

In a covenant relationship, the needs and interests of another person are more important than your needs. In a covenantal relationship you remain in the relationship even when your needs may not be met. You hang in there when you’re not getting a return on your physical or emotional or spiritual investment. Over my decades of ministry I’ve witnessed many examples of a husband or a wife caring for a spouse who was incapacitated by injury, or dementia. What is it that makes a person give, and give, and give, when there is no expectancy of receiving companionship or fellowship, or even recognition?

b. some will say that love is the answer, and I would agree, but I would submit that it’s more than that — it’s a bond that comes through an all-consuming emotional, spiritual, intellectual and physical commitment that puts us in covenant with that person

2. 2nd, biblical marriage — covenantal marriage — creates deeper intimacy in a relationship

ILLUS. Virtually every poll taken among couples over the last fifty years all report the same thing. Couples who are married report having a deeper, more romantic, more sexually satisfying relationship than couples who are merely living together. The big question, of course, if why would that be so?

a. it comes down to one word — trust

b. if you’re in a romantic relationship, “romantic” in our culture being a euphemism for sexual relationship, you’re essentially in a consumer relationship because neither partner is fully, unconditionally committed to the other

1) there is often the “understanding” that if one partner finds a “better deal” (we don’t put it that way, but that’s what is usually meant) but if one finds a better deal with someone else the current relationship ends

a) no mess, no fuss you just move on

c. here’s the problem ... in a consumer relationship you’re constantly marketing and promoting yourself to keep your partner interested

1) you’ve always got to look you best and act your best, and be your best because if you’re not your partner just may well go shopping for a better bargain than you

d. that kind of pressure negates any real intimacy where you are allowed — even encouraged — to be exactly who you are; warts and all

3. a covenantal relationship creates a cradle of security for your vulnerabilities

ILLUS. C.S. Lewis is a name most of you recognize. He was an Oxford Professor of ancient literature and an author of over thirty books, most notably the Chronicle of Narnia series. He married late in life. In 1956, when he was 58 years old he married American Joy Davidson. Her intellect matched his own (she was brilliant earning a BA degree at nineteen, and her Masters degree in English Literature from Columbia University in only three semesters), their interests were similar, and most importantly, she had a sense of humor and a sense of fun. She was also seventeen years younger than Lewis. She died of cancer five years later. In his book, A Grief Observed, written shortly after he death, Lewis wrote, “ ... we feasted on love; every mode of it — solemn and merry, romantic and realistic, sometimes as dramatic as a thunderstorm, sometimes as comfortable and unemphatic as putting on your soft slippers. No cranny of heart or body remained unsatisfied.

a. that’s covenantal love

It’s saying, “Of everyone in the world, I choose you.”

It’s saying, “For better or worse, I’ve got your back. I am here.”

It’s saying, “Wherever this journey takes us, we’re on it together.”

It’s saying, “You are my person. And I am yours.”

Marriage is becoming a family with someone. It is growing a history, a legacy of solidarity and strength.

Marriage is walking out the front door. But always walking back in.

4. the essence of marriage is not the passion that comes and goes and comes and goes

a. it is the promises that we make to each other that put us in a covenantal relationship with each other that means it when we say, till death do us part

B. THE BIBLE SPEAKS TO THE MISSION OF MARRIAGE

1.for probably the vast majority of our culture today marriage is about romance and fun and merging your net worth to build a more comfortable life

2. from the perspective of the Christian faith marriage is about deep character change through deep friendship

a. in our culture today people want “soul mates”

1) someone who will accept you for exactly who you are and who you can appreciate just for who they are

2) that’s an eharmony commercial and not reality

3. the vast majority of us, when we got married, brought stuff with us

a. we bring into a marriage “baggage” — I’m talking about emotional, spiritual, intellectual baggage — some of it really ugly

b. we bring into a marriage expectations — sometimes unreal expectations

c. we bring into a marriage our own limitations

ILLUS. Linda and I dated for approximately one year before I proposed to her. Our engagement lasted approximately one year. After two years of dating being in a relationship the assumption is you know that other person fairly well. Shortly before our wedding my mother came to me, just out of the blue, and said “Now son, Linda is a wonderful person and your father and I think you have chosen well. But I want to remind you that you never really know a person until you live with them.” I thanked my mother for those unsolicited words of wisdom, but in my mind I blew her off. Guess what? Mother was right.

4. all people come into a marriage flawed, and incompatible

a. the mission of marriage is to work through the incompatibilities, which you will be doing most of your married life

ILLUS. Tim Keller writes that “ ... your spouse is like a huge Mac truck coming across the bridge of your life, not creating the problems and stresses in the structure of your life, but revealing them.

b. it would really be helpful for couples to recognize that all human beings are selfish and sinful — including that rugged specimen of manhood or that beautiful and talented specimen of womanhood you’ve fallen in love with

1) if you don’t understand that before the wedding, you’ll certainly realize it very shortly after the wedding

c. as you work through the incompatibilities between you, you help your spouse grow into the person that looks like Christ, and your spouse’s job is to do the same for you

5. in doing this your marriage becomes an illustration of the relationship between Christ and his church

C. THE BIBLE SPEAKS TO THE SECRET OF MARRIAGE

1. the secret of marriage is learning to love your spouse during those seasons in which you are getting very little love in return

it is seasons of intense love and passion.

It is seasons of barely liking each other and struggling to co-exist.

It is seasons of holding on tightly, eating Kraft Dinners, and cuddling on the couch watching a Hallmark movie because you can’t afford anything else

It is seasons of exhaustion and worry and busyness

a. I don’t think there has ever been a marriage that has not experience those times

2. in these seasons we learn to love our spouses in sickness and in health, through discouragement, and through inattentiveness due to their attentiveness to other people or life issues

a. from the Christian ideal, this is where the love of Christ flows through us to our spouse

b. if your source of wellness or source of identity or source of personal satisfaction is coming solely through your spouse are primarily through your spouse, then when those seasons of life come when your spouse is giving you very little love in return you will not survive, that marriage may not survive if you don’t have a source of love coming into your life from someplace else

c. and for us as Christians that source, that well-spring of love, is the Lord Jesus Christ

3. bottom line, Paul is going to give to thumbs up to the Corinthians on the question: “Should a Christian get married?”

III. LESSONS

1. the Bible is not a book about marriage — at least not mainly or directly

a. the Bible is a book about God and about people and how God saves people through the life and death of Jesus Christ

b. still, the Bible does have a lot to say about marriage and a great deal of what it has to say runs contrary to our assumptions and values as modern people

A. It Is about Friendship First and Foremost

“Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Genesis 2:18 ESV)

1. it is not good for the man to be alone – therefore God invented marriage

a. marriage is about friendship before it is about anything else

b. the sort of friendship that God had in mind is indicated through the use of an often misunderstood phrase: “a helper fit for him”

2. the Hebrew word in question carries the idea of complementarity, not inferiority

ILLUS. As Matthew Henry, 17th century non-conformist pastor, famously said: “... the woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”

B. It Is Supposed to Last a Lifetime

1. in a culture of disposable everything it is surprising to discover that some things are supposed to last a lifetime

C. It Is Supposed to Preach the Gospel

1. this seems to be something even the majority of Christian aren’t aware of

a. your marriage is supposed to witness — to God’s essential nature and character and also to his saving work in Jesus Christ

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:31–32 ESV)

2. according to the Apostle, the very nature of covenant marriage — the intimacy, the mutuality, the love by the husband the response from the wife — all of that is intended to say something visually and representatively about Christ and the church

a. your marriage meant to be a multi-point Gospel sermon

D. It Isn’t Always God’s Will

1. perhaps the most surprising thing the Bible says about marriage is that while the vast majority of humans will enter into it, it is not be experienced by everyone