Sermon Tone Analysis

THE REHEARSAL AND CEREMONY

/As pastors we have the best seat in the house; we witness pointblank the tender exchange of a loving couple’s commitment before God, their family, and friends./

*A*lmost everyone has a “wedding story” to tell, and it’s usually slapstick.

From the twenty years I have performed weddings, I have my share.

I’ve seen grooms so wobbly-kneed they had to be propped in a chair to finish the ceremony.

On other occasions, despite my traditional caveat to the wedding party not to lock their legs lest circulation be cut off and someone pass out, that warning seems only to function as a “sure word of prophecy.”

At one of those times, a garden wedding, the groom’s brother crashed into the ivy during the prayer and did not wake up until after the kiss.

The next week I dramatically warned another wedding party, using my fresh illustration.

The result?

The bride’s brother passed out, also during the prayer, and actually bounced on the slate floor, again missing the nuptial salute!

The best-laid plans …

Another time the groomsmen and ushers were shorted a couple of bow ties by their tuxedo service, which created a comical Laurel-and-Hardy foyer as they frantically exchanged ties as their duties came up.

Weddings, because they are idealized and romanticized, provide ample occasion for such “disasters,” which invariably become fond memories as the years pass.

“Remember when Uncle Joe hit the ivy?” “Yeah, it was great!”

Yet for the most part, weddings are wonderfully uneventful, and the pastor’s participation a pleasant remembrance.

As pastors we have the best seat in the house; we witness pointblank the tender exchange of a loving couple’s commitment before God, their family, and friends.

We see the flushed cheeks, moist eyes, trembling hands, and the nuanced gestures of this most sacred time.

It is an immense privilege.

What are the important principles in planning and carrying out this privilege?

How do we minimize the follies and maximize the sacredness?

The key is to remember — throughout the planning, rehearsal, and the ceremony itself — that the Christian wedding is a /worship/ celebration.

As we will see, this has several practical implications.

*The Planning Session*

Early in the preparation stage, usually about four months before the wedding, I invite the couple to my office to plan the ceremony, urging that both attend, if possible.

I normally schedule thirty and no more than forty-five minutes for this time.

With coffee in hand and after we have visited a few minutes and prayed, I briefly outline the theology of Christian marriage.

I emphasize that a wedding ceremony is a time of worship, of reverence, because in Christian marriage the man and woman commit themselves to God as well as to each other (Rom.

12:1).

I point out that while their human relationship will be showcased in the ceremony, it is not to be a show, for worship cannot be so.

Personally, I’m glad we seem to have passed the period when each wedding had to be a self-conscious production, with colored tuxes, bride and groom singing to each other, and lots of pressure on everyone to perform for the crowd.

Lance Morrow, in a 1983 /Time/ essay titled “The Hazards of Homemade Vows,” warns against making the ceremony a display case for unbridled creativity:

“Some couples remain tempted by the opportunity a wedding offers for self-expression.

It is a temptation that should be resisted.

… If the bride and groom have intimacies to whisper, there are private places for that.

A wedding is public business.

That is the point of it.

The couple are not merely marrying one another.

They are, at least in part, submitting themselves to the larger logics of life, to the survival of the community, to life itself.…At

the moment of their binding, they should subsume their egos into that larger business within which their small lyricisms become tinny and exhibitionistic.”

Also, while it is nice to have the vows memorized, generally I discourage couples who want to recite them from memory during the ceremony.

The stress of the wedding day is enough without this added pressure.

I want the couple to relax, to enjoy the event, to /worship/ as effectively as possible.

So I make sure the couple understands these implications of planning the ceremony as a worship service.

But at the same time, I emphasize that worship does not mean the ceremony has to be somber.

We’re celebrating a wedding, not a funeral.

I remind them that Christ saw weddings as occasions of great joy.

In fact he performed his first miracle at a tiny wedding in Cana, changing the water to wine, a symbol of joy.

Thus the wedding is worshipful and joyful celebration — and that is what I hope to help them achieve.

Here, I always stress how honored I am to participate in such an event.

Next I give them a Wedding Ceremony Planning Sheet (see end of chapter), which outlines a typical ceremony.

I explain this is simply a suggested outline — the order is negotiable, as are the contents.

If there are other elements they prefer, they will probably be okay, if appropriate for worship.

The planning sheet, I’ve found, has a calming effect on the couple.

The typical bride and groom are intimidated by the ceremony.

It seems so arcane, so mysterious.

The planning sheet immediately puts them at ease and acquaints them with their options as to special music, hymns, and personal innovations.

Most couples become visibly relaxed and enthused.

From the pastor’s perspective, it provides a quick, clear explanation.

Normally, it takes no more than ten minutes to walk the couple through the planning sheet.

I figure this approach has saved me hundreds of hours over the years.

After we discuss the content, I reconfirm the times for the wedding and the rehearsal, double-checking my own calendar and having my secretary do likewise with the church’s master calendar.

I then lay out the schedule of events.

My rule of thumb is that the sanctuary should be clear forty-five minutes before the ceremony.

For example, if a wedding is scheduled for 1 p.m., the schedule would be:

10:45–11:15 a.m.: Party arrives and dresses.

11:15 a.m.–12:15 p.m.: Photographs.

1 p.m.: Ceremony begins.

The rehearsal is normally best held the night before, for the convenience of out-of-town participants.

My recommendation is to set it early, about 6 p.m.

Because people are notoriously late to rehearsals, I ask them to be there fifteen minutes before we plan to begin.

This means the rehearsal dinner can begin at a reasonable time.

It also means a busy pastor can get to bed at a reasonable hour — maybe!

I also advise the couple on who should attend the rehearsal: the wedding party (groomsmen, bridesmaids, flower girl, ring bearer, and ushers), both sets of parents, the organist, other musicians, and the vocalists.

When the schedule is agreed upon, I ask the couple to repeat it back to me.

The next item I arrange is the appointment of a wedding coordinator.

A wedding coordinator is by no means a big-church luxury; this person is essential if the pastor is to be a good steward of time.

Many smaller churches I know have a volunteer wedding coordinator.

But if such a position is not possible, it will still be to your advantage to appoint someone to help coordinate the rehearsal and wedding — traditionally an aunt, relative, or some friend experienced with weddings.

This person performs three important functions.

First, she advises the bride as to the church’s policies regarding music, the use of candles, photography, the sound system, dressing rooms, and even the cleanup expected.

She can be of help in suggesting florists, caterers, dinner sites, and the myriad other details involved in a wedding.

Second, she presides at the wedding rehearsal along with the pastor.

Third, she coordinates the wedding plans, and thus takes much of the pressure off the bride and wedding party.

Finally, I suggest to the couple that a nice way to spiritually prepare for their wedding is to read the Psalms in reverse order as a countdown to their wedding day.

For example, if there are ninety days until the big day, read Psalm 90, then the next day Psalm 89, and so on.

My wife and I did this before our wedding, and we enjoyed these poetic expressions of praise.

Couples have told me, “It was great to know we were both reading the same things each day.”

The session is concluded with a time of prayer — and a reminder to bring the wedding license to the rehearsal.

*The Rehearsal*

Here’s the typical agenda:

/Greeting./

I invite everyone to the front rows of the church.

I introduce myself and briefly share my perspective that weddings are times of reverential worship and joy and that /both/ are my goals for the ceremony.

I also give a quick overview of the rehearsal agenda.

/Prayer./

I lead the wedding party in asking God’s blessing on the service, reaffirming the purpose of the ceremony.

/Introductions./

I then introduce the wedding coordinator, expressing appreciation for her work and competence.

She presides over the remaining introductions.

/Instructions./

The coordinator reviews several important items.