*Walking Away From Toxic Relationships*
\\ */Are any of your relationships unhealthy?
Bible-based advice for how to tell--and how to cut them off./*
When God wants to bless you, how does He do it?
He sends people into your life.
When the devil wants to destroy you, how does He do it?
He sends people!
\\ \\ There are several types of relationships that are liabilities, not assets.
If you are going to develop healthy relationships, you first must cut off the unhealthy ones you have developed.
How can you tell if a relationship is toxic?
Here are three major indicators: \\ \\ Constant Strife and Division.
First, there will be constant strife and division.
Amos 3:3 asks us, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”
A healthy relationship is one in which there is oneness of goals, purpose, values, and beliefs.
God’s Word also says, “Where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there” (James 3:16).
*• The Greek word for /confusion/ means “unstable*.”
The Bible tells us that a double-minded man is “unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8).
The situation is out of order and therefore out of control.
God is a God of order.
He has set up lines of authority, and when those lines are violated, the door is open to every type of evil spirit.
You don’t get to choose the brand of evil spirit you want.
When you get out of line with the way God has designed things to work, the devil has a legal right to touch you with any form of evil he wants.
\\ \\ Strife and confusion sap your energy and drain your creativity.
They take your focus off what God has for you.
\\ \\ *• /People Who Knew You “Back When.”/*
One of the most dangerous relationships is the one that holds you to your past.
The Bible tells us that when Jesus went to his “own country,” He taught, and the people were astonished, but they were also “offended” at Him because they kept saying, “Isn’t this the carpenter’s son?
Isn’t this the son of Mary and the brother of James, Joses, Simon, and Judas?
He can’t possibly have all this wisdom and do these mighty works.
We know Him.
He’s just one of us.”
And Jesus could do no miracles there “because of their unbelief.”
It wasn’t that Jesus had lost any power in Himself.
He wasn’t any less of who He was in his home country.
It was because of /their/, unbelief that He could not manifest the fullness of Himself (see Matthew 13:53–58).
\\ \\ The associations of your past can drag you down and hold you back.
They can keep you from fulfilling your potential.
\\ \\ I’m not talking, of course, of relationships that you have entered into with a covenant or relationships that God has ordained for your life.
You can’t just casually walk away from a father or mother or spouse or child.
I’m talking about friendships and business associations and casual acquaintances and distant relatives who remind you continually of what people /used/ to think of you.
Those old opinions that were not God’s opinions are opinions that do not relate to your tomorrow.
They relate only to your yesterday.
*• /Violators of the Heart/.*
These are relationships that prey on your heart and rob you of control over your life.
Don’t give power to any person to manipulate you and control you.
Nobody deserves that power but God!
No person can make you lose your joy, your mind, your temper, or /any/ other aspect unless you give that person the power.
Don’t do it!
\\ \\ The most dangerous violator of the heart is the person who tells you what you want to hear.
It is the person who strokes your ego and tells you words of affection that you are desperate to hear, all in an effort to get what /they/ want from you.
Violators take advantage of the “needs” in your life, especially the needs to be loved and accepted.
They aren’t concerned about /your/ blessings or your destiny.
They are concerned only about what they want.
They are takers, not givers.
\\ \\ Never lose your identity for another person’s sake.
\\ \\ Never compromise your character for anyone.
\\ \\ You must continually take inventory of whether a person is drawing more from you than the person is giving to you.
A healthy relationship is a relationship in which there is balance in giving and taking . . .
where there is mutual appreciation and a building up . . .
where there are honest words of appreciation without any taint of manipulation.
\\ \\ *The Steps to Cutting off an Unhealthy Relationship* \\ \\ So what are the steps you must take to cut unhealthy relationships out of your life?
First, you must identify and accept the reality of an out-of-balance relationship.
At times, you need to take stock of the situation and admit to yourself that a relationship just isn’t working.
All of your efforts at helping or rehabilitating a person have failed.
It is at that point that you need to give that person over to God.
Notice that I didn’t say that you give up on the person.
To give up is to walk away and say, "I don't care what happens to you."
To give a person “over to God” is to walk away as you say, "I have done all that I can do.
I’m entrusting you to God from this point on."
\\ \\ When you give a person over to Almighty God, you are releasing that person from your own heart to One who truly can heal the person, who will never fail the person, and who is totally qualified to counsel and guide and help the person.
How many times can you tell a person the same things over and over and over again?
Some people have been prayed for with the laying on of your hands so often that your handprints are indelibly printed on them!
\\ \\ If you allow yourself to be drained and distracted by someone you truly cannot help because that person does not truly /want/ your help—only your association—then you will not be in position to help those who truly want your help more than they want your association.
\\ \\ Second, don't try to be God to another person.
There's a huge difference between helping a person and carrying a person.
You aren’t the Holy Spirit.
Don't enter into an enabling relationship in which you come to feel totally responsible for a person's success or failure.
\\ \\ Third, become comfortable with criticism.
If you do have to end a relationship, not everybody is going to be happy with your decision.
For that matter, not everybody is going to be happy with you at /any point/ or regarding /anything/!
There’s always going to be somebody who wants you to do something other than what God is leading you to do.
Nobody can please all people all the time, everywhere.
\\ \\ Luke 6:26 tells us, "Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for so did their fathers to the false prophets."
Occasionally you need to recognize that hurting people sometimes /hurt/ people, and you need to be brave enough and godly enough to say, "This relationship isn't helping you or me.
This relationship isn't healthy.
We need to put an end to this."
Trust God to help you recognize when a relationship is becoming detrimental to your business, your ministry, or the health of your family life.
Trust God to give you the courage to end the relationship, and then trust Him to give you broad enough shoulders and thick enough skin to take the criticism that you may face for ending the relationship.
\\ \\ Fourth, progressively end unhealthy relationships.
It takes emotional energy to end a relationship, and if you cut every unhealthy relationship out of your life at one time, you are likely to be overwhelmed by the loss.
Cut unhealthy relationships out of your life one at a time until you can look around you and say, “All of my relationships are ones that are pleasing to God.
All of my relationships are ones in which there is a mutual give-and-take, a mutual blessing, a mutual edification.
I am on the same wavelength with those who are close to me when it comes to values, beliefs, and goals.”
Fifth, don't burn bridges.
When you dissolve a relationship, don’t do so in anger or bitterness.
There is a way to walk away from a relationship without words of hatred or criticism or the placing of blame.
At the same time, walk away from an unhealthy relationship with the full intent that you will not revisit that relationship in the future.
God may lead you to have a relationship with that person down the line, but /you/ should not have the intent to come back to the relationship.
Make a clean break.
Make a definitive break.