The Gospel According to Kids

John,

Maybe you can use some of these as "examples" in your sermon. I received this from Chris's mother----where she found them I don't know, but they sure show the innocence of our "little angels" and how their little minds work.  Truly one of God's great gifts to us.

This is funny. Hope you enjoy. Have a good weekend.

Nancy


The Gospel, According to Kids
The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.)

In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sadbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark

Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

Sampson slayed the Phillistines with the axe of the Apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread- Which is bread without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada.

Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought
with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone." It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

The people who followed the Lord were called the l2 decibels.

The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony,
which is another name for marriage.

A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.