The Beatitudes

Then Jesus took his disciples up on the mountain and taught them, saying:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, Blessed are the meek, Blessed are the merciful, Blessed are you who thirst for justice, Blessed are you who are persecuted, Blessed are the peacemakers . . ."

And Simon Peter said, "Do we have to write this stuff down?"

And Phillip said, "Will this be on the test?"

And John said, "I'm sorry. Would you mind repeating that?"

And Andrew said, "John the Baptist's disciples don't have to learn this stuff!"

And Matthew said, "Huh?"

And Judas said, "What does this have to do with real life?"

Then, one of the Pharisees, an expert in the law, said, "I don't see any of this in your syllabus. Do you have a lesson plan? Is there a summary? Where is the student guide? Will there be any follow-up assignments? How will this affect the low achievers?"

And Thomas, who had missed the sermon, came to Jesus privately and said, "Did we do anything important yesterday?"

And Jesus wept.