Sermon Tone Analysis

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic:               Only one.

Hands already in the air.

Pentecostal:               Ten.

One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of  darkness.

Presbyterian:             None.

Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Catholics:                  None.

Candles only.

Baptist:                      At least 15.

One to change the light bulb, and three committees to  approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalian:             Three.

One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.

Mormon: Five.

One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Methodist:                  Undetermined.

Whether your light is bright, dull or completely burned out, you are loved.

You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb.

Church-wide               l lighting service is planned for Sunday.

Bring the bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene:                    Six.

One woman to replace the bulb while five men review the church lighting policy.

Lutheran:                    None.

Lutherans don't believe in change.

Church of Christ:        They do not use light bulbs because there is no evidence of their use in the New Testament.

Unitarian:                   We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb.

However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine.

You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your bulb for next Sunday's service, during which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Amish:                                    What's a light bulb?