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Comprehending Engineers

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Yeah, some of the're oldies, but they're a good primer on how engineers think!  Enjoy...


>>> Jonathan Ernst 04/11/01 01:59PM >>>

just for fun...

Comprehending Engineers - Take One


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"  The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.  She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."  The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two


To the optimist, the glass is half full.  To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. 

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Three


A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.  The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys?  We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" 

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.  Let's have a word with him."  "Hey George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us?  They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free."  The group was silent for a moment.  The pastor said, "That's so sad.  I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea.  And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Four


There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical.  After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily  retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail.  In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.  The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.  He spent a day studying the huge machine.  At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your

problem is".  The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.  The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.  They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly:

     One chalk mark..........................................$1.00

     Knowing where to put it.....................$49,999.00

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Five


What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons.  Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Six


The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven


"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.  Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

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