The Ten Commandments of Healthy Homes: Respect Your Heritage (5)
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Habit 5: Respect Your Heritage
Exodus 20:12 (NLT) 12 Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God will give you.
Ex. 20 gives us the 10 Commandments
1. No other god besides Me - Examine Your Priorities
2. Do not make idols - Avoid The Counterfeit
3. You shall not take the name of the Lord in vain - Take God Seriously
4. Remember to keep the Sabbath - Renew Your Relationships
5. Honor your father and mother - Respect your Heritage
6. You shall not murder.
7. You shall not commit adultery.
8. You shall not steal.
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
10. You shall no covet
Not long ago, cable TV mogul Ted Turner declared the Ten Commandments obsolete: “We’re living with outmoded rules. The rules we’re living under are the Ten Commandments, and I bet nobody here even pays much attention to them, because they are too old. When Moses went up on the mountain, there were no nuclear weapons, there was no poverty. Today, the Ten Commandments wouldn’t go over. Nobody around likes to be commanded. Commandments are out.”
While Turner is right that “nobody likes to be commanded,” he is dead wrong in calling the Ten Commandments “outmoded rules.” In fact, God’s Ten Habits of Healthy Homes couldn’t be more relevant!
Today, we begin the second portion of the Ten Commandments.
The first four commandments have to do with our VERTICAL relationship with God.
Examine Your Priorities
Avoid the Counterfeits
Take God Seriously
Renew Your Relationships
The last six commandments have to do with our HORIZONTAL relationships with each other.
These are the ones that get right down to where “the rubber meets the road” in building a healthy home.
It is impossible to properly obey the last six commands until you have obeyed the first four.
That’s why unchurched people who seek counseling for family problems find it so hard to make changes – they have no inner spiritual relationship with God to help them with their family relationships!
In God’s plan, the family plays an enormously important role.
It is to offer unconditional love and lifelong companionship to its members.
It is to be the first church, the first school, the first hospital, and the first government!
It is where children learn about
their male and female roles
how to communicate their ideas and feelings
how to enjoy life and endure pain
Family life provides the safest parameters in which to discover acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
In short, the home is the principal place for spiritual, emotional and moral training.
Our parents are our first teachers – and they deserve honor!
Before we discuss how to honor our parents, we need to more completely identify just who we are talking about, especially today when so many children are raised outside of a two-parent, opposite sex, married model.
It is possible for ALL of us to honor our parents, no matter what their condition, behavior, or our relationship to them.
Where there is God’s will, there is always a way to obey it!
Parents can be defined as three kinds of people in our lives:
Biological parents
Legal parents
Nurturing parents
WHY DID GOD GIVE THIS COMMANDMENT?
1. Respect begins in the home.
The home is the birthplace of a child’s ...
Self-esteem (their view of themselves)
Respect for authority (their view of others)
Values (their view of God and life in general)
God gave us the fifth commandment because He knew how easy it would be for us to develop a disrespectful attitude toward our parents.
As children, we’re basically selfish, wanting everything to go our way.
As teenagers, we think our parents are hopelessly outdated and behind the times.
As young adults, we become consumed with the responsibilities of work and marriage.
And as middle-aged adults, we view the needs of our aged parents as wearisome burdens that infringe on our hard-earned freedom.
But if we want to have a right relationship with God, we need to have a right relationship with our parents!
The Bible says to love God, the stranger and our neighbor, but nowhere does it specifically command us to LOVE our parents.
Instead, the command is to HONOR our parents.
God, strangers and neighbors do not put the same demands on us that parents do – just ask any 60-year-old who always feels like a child in the presence of his parent!
We are commanded to honor our parents because it is the best way to compensate for the tension-filled parent-child relation, in which “love” may sometimes take a beating.
The word honor is “kaw-bad” in Hebrew, which means “to add weight,”
Taken from the ancient concept that something heavy was thought to have greater VALUE.
The fifth command tells us to VALUE our parents.
The Jewish rabbis taught that parents are to be honored because they are partners with God; He is the author of life, but they cooperate with Him by bringing a child into the world.
2. There are no perfect parents.
Parents may mess up everything after our birth, but they are still worthy of honor as the earthly source of our lives.
It is possible to honor unworthy parents, not only because God commands it, but for our own personal well-being.
Not every family will succeed in providing a child with self-esteem, respect for authority and values
Some will utterly fail in these tasks.
But the fifth commandment remains true, and we must obey it.
We must honor our parents, even if they fall severely short of God’s intention for their role in our lives.
This commandment does NOT mean:
Honor only if your parent is deserving.
Honor only if your parent honors you in return.
Honor only if your siblings also show honor.
Honor only if you feel good about doing it.
Only God is a perfect parent!
The rest of us have weaknesses, faults, and inconsistencies.
Even the best parents have made mistakes and sinned – and every child has sinned as well.
As a result, we’re all warped!
As the title of Wendy Kaminer’s book says, “I’m Dysfunctional, You’re Dysfunctional.”
One thing you find out in counseling is that those who never come in for counseling are usually naively causing the problems of those who do come in!
What if my parents were abusive, manipulative, neglectful, and unworthy of honor?
Am I supposed to ignore the pain and pretend everything is great?
No, but God does say that we must honor the POSITION of parenthood, regardless of the PERSONALITY behind it.
3. How I relate to my parents will affect every other relationship.
How you relate to your parents is the major forming factor in your life.
Your style of relating to others is set while you live at home.
Surveys have shown that people who get along with their parents have far less stress in their lives.
The cure for many family problems is found in the fifth command God gave: RESPECT YOUR HERITAGE!
HOW SHOULD I HONOR MY PARENTS?
It depends on what stage of life you’re in, because you apply this command a bit differently in each stage.
As a child, I honor my parents by obeying and respecting them.
BUMPER STICKERS:
“Be nice to your children, they pick your nursing home.”
“Humor thy father and thy mother, they haven’t written their wills yet.”
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
The Bible teaches that as long as your parents are providing for you, you’re to obey them
Do what they say willfully, pleasantly and immediately.
Regardless of your age, that does not change until you’re out on your own.
One part of the loving obligation of a parent is DISCIPLINE.
What is Biblical Discipline?
More than beat them until you feel better!
Fact: discipline has nothing to do with how you feel!
Don’t discipline them because the brat embarrassed you…
BUT because they did wrong!
Biblical discipline requires correction (punishment), instruction, reinforcement.
Biblical discipline is much harder on you than it is the child!
What can seem to be a moment of pain and displeasure in a child translates to weeks and months of instruction, reinforcement and punishment for the parent!
Not just punishment in the wrong-doing but affirmation in the right-doing!
The Bible teaches that the key to good parenting is “loving discipline.”
Every child must learn two things:
Disobedience brings pain.
Obedience brings freedom.
Even when children don’t like their parents’ discipline, they are to obey!
He that spareth his rod hateth his son:
But he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Proverbs 13:24 (NLT) If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don’t love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them.
Chasten thy son while there is hope,
And let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Proverbs 19:18 (NLT) Discipline your children while there is hope. If you don’t, you will ruin their lives.
A fool despiseth his father’s instruction:
But he that regardeth reproof is prudent.
Proverbs 15:5 (NLT) Only a fool despises a parent’s discipline; whoever learns from correction is wise.
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child;
But the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Proverbs 22:15 (NLT) A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness, but discipline will drive it away.
As a young person, I honor my parents by accepting and appreciating them.
The older you get, the more you start to see the faults of your parents. It becomes important for you to accept them in spite of their weaknesses.
Difference between a son and a bastard?
A son covers is fathers faults - not covers up rather protects
ie: Ham laughed at Noah, Shem and Japheth covered Noah
Why should I accept them?
First, you’re stuck with each other!
Second, you have faults too!
Acceptance does not mean pretending they were perfect, ignoring their mistakes, or even agreeing with all they did.
Acceptance is:
Appreciating that God used my parents to bring me into the world.
Realizing that (regardless of their parenting skills) they gave me something nobody else could give me – the gift of a life!
Proverbs 19:26 (LB) A son who mistreats his father or mother is a public disgrace.
Listening to what my parents have to say.
Not rejecting their advice even when I reach an age where I’m no longer bound by it. Disagreeing without being disagreeable.
Proverbs 23:22 (NLT) Listen to your father, who gave you life, and don’t despise your mother’s experience when she is old.
Forgiving my parents for the times they may have hurt me.
Knowing that it is a fact of life that we often hurt those we love the most – both intentionally and unintentionally.
Proverbs 20:20 (GN) If you curse your parents, your life will end like a lamp that goes out in the dark.
Today it’s not as popular to honor your parents as it is to go lie on a psychiatrist’s couch and blame them for all your problems.
But bitterness is self-destructive – it always hurts you more than the person you’re bitter against.
Regardless of who your parents are, and what they did or didn’t do, you can at least appreciate their effort and sacrifice.
Parenting is a difficult, time-demanding, energy-draining job.
Have you ever considered how much easier your parents’ life would have been if they hadn’t had you?
Parenting is also expensive.
When a couple chooses to have kids, they are choosing to do without some other things.
In 2017, it was been estimated that it will cost the average parents nearly $233,600 to raise one child from infancy to 17 years of age!
Its no wonder one dad, having family pictures, said: “Why don’t you have my sons put their hands in my pockets so it will look natural?”
There are four stages in a man’s life:
He believes in Santa Claus
He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus
He is Santa Claus
He looks like Santa Claus!
Appreciate him in all four stages.
Proverbs 23:22 (GN) When your mother is old, show her your appreciation.
3. As an adult, I honor my parents by affirming and not abandoning them.
For many parents, the older they get the less respect they get.
All of their affirming friends start to die off; they are no longer wanted in the marketplace for their skills and wisdom; their grown children are busy with their own families; they lead lonely lives.
Most children have to grow to adulthood before they realize that their parents had and have dreams too!
Your parents have a desperate need to know that they made a positive contribution to your life.
They need affirmation, and God says that He wants you to affirm them for the rest of your life.
All the flowers in the world at their funeral won’t do them any good – affirm your parents now!
Proverbs 3:27 (NLT) Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them.
You affirm your parents by ...
staying in touch with them
sharing the details of your life with them
seeking their counsel on major decisions
It is a shameful tragedy in our society that busy families are abandoning the aged to die all alone.
Your parents cared for you when you were dependent, and caring for them at the other end of the cycle of life is YOUR responsibility.
The Bible teaches that the way you treat your elderly parents is a demonstration of your true faith.
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
1 Timothy 5:8 (LB) Anyone who won’t care for his own relatives when they need help, especially his own family, has no right to say he is a Christian. Such a person is worse than the heathen.
But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.
1 Timothy 5:4 (NLT) Their first responsibility is to show godliness at home and repay their parents by taking care of them. This is something that pleases God very much.
Jesus made arrangements for the care of his aged mother as He hung dying for the whole world on the cross!
A WORD TO PARENTS
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4 (LB) And now a word to you parents. Don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather, bring them up with the loving discipline the Lord himself approves, with suggestions and godly advice.
Parents, if you want to be honored, you must be honorable!
Don’t drive your kids nuts by being unreasonable.
Don’t try to make your child into another you (one is enough!).
The Bible teaches that the key to good parenting is “loving discipline.”
Every child must learn two things:
Disobedience brings pain.
Obedience brings freedom.
As a Christian parent, your number one goal should be to insure that your kids come to know the Lord as soon as they are old enough to understand.
Don’t rest until all of your family is serving God!
A WORD TO YOU
For some of you, this may be a very painful message.
It is easy to honor your parents if they have been good, godly people.
But some of you had parents that hurt you deeply and devastated your life. The Bible says that there is severe judgment for child abuse and neglect.
But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
HOW DO I HONOR A PARENT WHO WAS DISHONORABLE TO ME?
Don’t fake it, face it!
Don’t gloss it over or deny the pain.
Don’t repress it or make excuses for your parents’ wrongs.
Many of you are still carrying unfinished business with your parents.
Just the thought of it can bring tears to your eyes and a pain in your heart.
You’re still reacting to your parents, maybe venting your anger on your family or friends because you’ve never resolved it.
If you’re still angry with a parent years later, you’re still letting them control your life.
It takes a courageous decision to face the issue, but you cannot get on with your life until you release the anger and get over this.
Make the wrongs right while there’s still time to attempt a reconciliation.
If you can’t talk to your parents because of death, chemical dependency, mental illness, etc. at least talk it over with a Christian friend and get partial relief from it.
Stop the cycle
God knows the pain you feel and He can help you overcome it – He can even bring some good out of it if you will let Him!
If your parents abandoned you, you are a special person to God, for the Bible says that God assumes responsibility for abandoned children!
When my father and my mother forsake me,
Then the Lord will take me up.
Psalm 27:10 (GN) My father and mother may abandon me, but the Lord will take care of me.
The church is a family that will last longer than your physical family.
In terms of eternity, it’s far more important.
If you have hurts in your life because of your upbringing, get involved in the family of God here at TLC!
You can be part of a family that’s stable, secure and loving!