Relationships in the Family

Relationships in the Family "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment." Malachi tells us that God cares about how men treat their wives. He also cares about how parents raise their children and how parents are respected. Some of our most important relationships are in our families. Today we will consider five principles for healthy and happy homes, starting in Malachi chapter 2. The principle stressed by Malachi is that marriage is sacred. Why does God hate divorce? Divorce violates a sacred covenant. Marriage is a covenant before God, not just a legal contract. Divorce violently tears apart the bonded souls of both individuals who had been made one in flesh and in spirit. Divorce causes harm, especially to the children but also to all of society. God intends for every marriage to endure until death do part. When Jesus was asked about divorce in Matthew 19, he said that God had allowed and regulated divorce in the law because of the hardness of human hearts. Matthew indicates that God allows divorce when one's spouse is unfaithful. There may be other exceptions, but there is no divorce without sin, either as the cause of the divorce or in the act of divorce itself. Note the human response to Jesus by his disciples, "It is better not to marry." (19:10) Jesus agreed that if both man and woman are not committed until death do part, it is better not to marry! Yet all sexual relationships outside of marriage are both sinful and destructive. The only alternative Jesus offers to marriage is celibacy. Let me note that a major key to effective parenting is a committed marriage. A married couple can support one another in training, loving, and raising godly offspring, a goal of God for marriage according to Malachi. A healthy marriage also serves as a model to children of responsible living. The other four principles are all found in Colossians 3:18-21. The first of these is: Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Humility is the foundation of submission. A proud person does not willingly submit. The Greek is a military term meaning "to rank under." This involves acceptance of positional authority but does not imply inferiority. All Christians are to submit to one another according to Ephesians 5:21. That would include husbands to wives! Submission is to be voluntary, not under compulsion. Husbands are not to demand submission from their wives. The wife is called to choose to allow the husband to lead. Submission is to the husband as the family leader. Husbands are supposed to take the lead, but not all do. The wife should support him when he attempts to lead, making it safe for him to try. In matters where the wife has superior ability, let her humbly offer and let him humbly receive her help. Submission is to be limited to what is fitting in the Lord. No one is to submit to sin or error. The wife should not submit to allowing the family to drift toward destruction. Next comes: Husbands, love you wives and do not be harsh with them. This principle is a command to love with God-like love (The Greek is agape). This is the love Jesus showed for us. This love gives: time, effort, himself (his thoughts, feelings, hopes, and fears). This love sacrifices: He puts her needs ahead of his own. This love is unconditional: He loves her even in her down times and bad days. The husband is never to be harsh with his wife. He should concentrate on his responsibility, not on authority. In Ephesians 5:33, Paul teaches us to combine this humble submission and mutual love. Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. It is easy for a humble woman to show respect to a loving husband. It is easy for a humble man to love a woman who shows him respect. When both are loving and humble, they will make the marriage work well. Next: Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. God is pleased with obedience. This should be a major goal in child rearing. Parents are to teach humility and obedient submission to authority by example. This requires parental disciple motivated by love. Children must learn to obey all valid authority beginning at home. Obedience is crucial for their success in life. The home is the place to learn with the parents as the primary teachers. Finally, Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Parents can embitter children in many ways: by being either overly strict or overly lenient, through physical or verbal abuse, by being absent from the home or just being emotionally absent, by overcautious constant supervision as helicopter parents, or by expecting the child to meet the needs of the parent for comfort, success, etc. The primary way to not embitter them is to give sacrificial and unconditional love. Instead of embittering, parents should seek to encourage their children to put faith in Jesus and then to grow in faith and godliness, to excel in all that they do for God's glory, and to develop their own healthy attitudes of love and humility. Relationships are not easy. The home is the ultimate test of our relationship skills. However, God is not a harsh Father waiting for the opportunity to knock you down and find fault. God wants you to live effectively in all relationships. God wants you to have a healthy family and home. God has given us these principles and then enables us to live by them. Jesus died and rose again to set you free to live in His love and humility. The Holy Spirit lives in you, if you believe in Jesus, to enable you to relate in love and humility. Let us trust in Jesus, welcome His Spirit, and live by His principles. Let us apply both love and humility in our homes to bring glory to Jesus.