Restoring a Broken Friendship

Notes
Transcript
The different responses to breaking something:
Quick hide the evidence.
Just throw it away
Just slap some glue on it
What! That was the last one I had
The different responses reveal the value of what was broken

Need: In restoring broken friendships we often forget the value of friendship.

If friendship is valued rightly, we will seek restoration with courage, care, and anticipation

What does restoration of friendship look like?

Restoration of a friendship may require stepping away from the friendship

Why must the friendship be broken?

Deuteronomy 13:1–9 NKJV
1 “If there arises among you a prophet or a dreamer of dreams, and he gives you a sign or a wonder, 2 and the sign or the wonder comes to pass, of which he spoke to you, saying, ‘Let us go after other gods’—which you have not known—‘and let us serve them,’ 3 you shall not listen to the words of that prophet or that dreamer of dreams, for the Lord your God is testing you to know whether you love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul. 4 You shall walk after the Lord your God and fear Him, and keep His commandments and obey His voice; you shall serve Him and hold fast to Him. 5 But that prophet or that dreamer of dreams shall be put to death, because he has spoken in order to turn you away from the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt and redeemed you from the house of bondage, to entice you from the way in which the Lord your God commanded you to walk. So you shall put away the evil from your midst. 6 “If your brother, the son of your mother, your son or your daughter, the wife of your bosom, or your friend who is as your own soul, secretly entices you, saying, ‘Let us go and serve other gods,’ which you have not known, neither you nor your fathers, 7 of the gods of the people which are all around you, near to you or far off from you, from one end of the earth to the other end of the earth, 8 you shall not consent to him or listen to him, nor shall your eye pity him, nor shall you spare him or conceal him; 9 but you shall surely kill him; your hand shall be first against him to put him to death, and afterward the hand of all the people.
Turning from allegiance to God is detrimental to your own soul and the body of believers
No other god speaks more plainly about his expectations and ends. A false friend uses impressive means to lead you away from the true God. (Proverbs 1)
No other god has dealt and will deal in faithfulness with you
The closeness of a friend can make temptation harder to resist.
The close friend may feel he has less to fear in getting someone close to do what he/she wants
In summary who you walk with has influence on you. (Pr. 13:20)
Specific application: Take note of one who appeals for you to do something contrary to God’s Word based upon his status as friend, or her ability with sweet words, or the premise that no one will know.

How should the breaking off take place?

1 Corinthians 5:5 NKJV
5 deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.
2 Thessalonians 3:6 NKJV
6 But we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you withdraw from every brother who walks disorderly and not according to the tradition which he received from us.
2 Thessalonians 3:14–15 NKJV
14 And if anyone does not obey our word in this epistle, note that person and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed. 15 Yet do not count him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.
This will vary based upon the circumstance
A key attitude for breaking off a friendship is humility/repentance. To put blame on someone else for your sinful choices will not deal with the root problem of idolizing someone else above God. Leaving the friendship will be more about serving yourself.
Seeking wise help can be an expression of humility and your need of help. If you try to face the idolized friend alone you may give in to their pressure or you may do it unwisely.
The encounter with the friend would cover such things:
The ownership and repentance of your idolatry in friendship
Your clarity in not walking in the sinful ways
Your concern for his well-being
The separation would consider such things:
The longevity of the sinful behavior
The amount of truthful encounters that you have had.
The nature of the relationship (unbelieving spouse, Church member, fellow -worker)
Separation may look like less time, not sharing your soul, spending time only in a group.
Walking with unbelievers is an association we should have in order to see them come to Christ. You are on a different quest. Separating from friendships that are harmful for the quest is for the purpose of seeing that friend ultimately restored.
Illustration of repairing mildew drywall in basement. It is easy to slap paint on it without fixing it
We often want broken things fixed quickly, but quick fixes can bring about bigger damage. Set up the picture of a walled city

Restoration of friendship is a caring process

Restoration assesses the damage

Walking on the quest with broken people will result in hurt
Hurt should not be a haphazard matter
Proverbs 18:19 NKJV
19 A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a castle.
Enduring love is necessary in walking with broken people. Offenses will need to be overlooked and forgiven.
However, there is a temptation that comes with familiarity. The closeness of the friendship can come with temptations to take advantage of one another.
Fighting- that’s what siblings do. They really do love each other.
They fight it out and then everything is good.
The struggle only made them stronger.
Conflict will happen in this world, but it should no be dealt with lightly. Conflict can reflect what is going on in the heart. However, quarreling does not build friendship. A brother offended is not easily won back
So if you have sown selfishness in the friendship, the restoration process must be more than an apology that does not give weight to the hurt and mistrust you have contributed.

Restoration assesses the cost of forgiveness

Forgiveness is not small and forgiveness is not cheap
Matthew 18:27 NKJV
27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.
Luke 7:47 NKJV
47 Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”
If you have contributed to the brokenness in the friendship, saying something like: “I can’t imagine the hurt this has brought in your heart,” would be appropriate. Seeking understanding of how it affected them would be appropriate as well.
If you have been cut off by the other. The bigness of God’s forgiveness toward you should make love big toward the other
Because of Jesus, you can always act in love toward restoring a friendship. In humility you can always have forgiveness with God and seek forgiveness from a brother. You can always forgive while waiting for God’s work in the life of your friend
This process has an effect on the heart.
“Hatred is contagious as love is. The have an effect on the whole character, and are not confined to the single incident which causes the love or hate To hate a single one of God’s creatures is to harden the heart to some extent against all.”
Even if the friend does not respond to your plea for restoration the humbling work of God in your own heart is not in vain. Pursuing reconciliation is better than a cowardice that shrinks away from the problem.
Such renewing of love, done with high motive, will indeed bring an added joy, as the poets have declared. The very pain will give zest to the pleasure. We will take the great gift of friendship with a new sense of its beauty and sacredness. We will walk more softly because of the experience, and more than ever we will tremble lest we lose it.- Hugh Black

Full Restoration of friendship takes place in eternity

Illustration of Easy Fix

Full understanding of a friend’s joys and sorrows cannot be known or shared in this life.

Proverbs 14:10 NKJV
10 The heart knows its own bitterness, And a stranger does not share its joy.
This does not exclude genuine Christ-filled effort to know, understand, or share.
This guards against the bold claim of completely understanding what is taking place in a friend.
This leads one to Christ who knows you more than you know yourself.

Friendship prepares for eternity; it does not replace eternity

Raised with Christ means that we are in someway we have already secured unbroken fellowship with God and those in Christ forever.
In one way or another, we enter our friendships as eternity amnesiacs, forgetting the life that is to come and loading all our hopes and dreams into the here and now. Day after day, we subtly and not so subtly ask our friends to deliver paradise to us. When we forget eternity, we look to people to give us what only God can provide.
God uses friendship to do the sanctifying work that prepares us for eternity.
Conclusion:
So if you face rejection because of an endeavor to be a true loving friend, this does not diminish the unbroken friendship you have in eternity. If you keep growing in your knowledge of the reconciling work of what Christ did for you in the gospel, you will patiently invest in the process. You will anticipate the work God is going to complete in your friends rather than demand it happen in your timing.
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