Marriage
Notes
Transcript
Intro
Intro
Welcome to Chi Alpha. I’m sure I have met many of you, but if you have not met me before or if this is your first time, whether in person or by stream, my name is Joey and I am the director here for Chi Alpha. I’m glad you have chosen to be with us tonight.
Tonight we will continue our sexuality series tonight by speaking to the concept of marriage. Tonight we will look at what the Scriptures have to say to us about marriage, what marriage is not, and how that any of that relates to all us in our romantic relationships now.
But before we jump into the Scriptures and see what God has to say, I want us to look at a few statistics to help us set up the stage. When it comes to marriage, I’m sure we all have a variety of experiences, opinions, and concerns. For some of us, we have generally positive examples of marriage. Perhaps you come from an upbringing where you parents were stable and helped raise you well. If that is the case, you probably have a pretty good impression about marriage.
However, many of us have experienced the hardship of divorce or unfaithfulness in our family. Some of us may have grown up primarily with one parent, or maybe you had both parents in the pictures, but you aren’t really sure you have experienced what a healthy marriage looks like.
Statistically speaking as of 2019, on average, marriages aren’t knocking it out of the park in American.
Divorce rates in America are among one of the highest in the world, clocking in at about 750,000 divorces every year.
The average length of a marriage in the U.S. currently is about 7-8 years.
Close to 50% of all marriages end up in divorce
Those stats are from 2019, and I would imagine those have changed a little, for the the last few decades those numbers have held up pretty consistently.
So in light of that, you may be asking “What is the point of getting married if half of marriage end up divorced?” And I think that is a great question for us to ask and come up with some kind of response.
It seems like plenty of people understand what marriage is. I think we can get around the concept of choosing a husband or wife for life. However, with the rates of divorce being so high, I wonder if the problem is that we have an unclear picture what marriage is for.
I want to frame tonight in three movements: What Marriage is for, what it is not for, and how does that affect us in the here and now.
Let’s Pray
What Marriage is For
What Marriage is For
One of the first stories we see in opening pages of Genesis is a wedding. In the 2nd chapter of the Bible, we see that it was God’s idea to create marriage. It is not a modern concept that we humans made up over time. According to Scripture this was God’s idea from the very beginning.
Covenant Partner:
Covenant Partner:
“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him.” - Genesis 2:18
So here we have Adam in the beginning with God and God said “it is not good for the man to be alone”. Sometimes we hear in songs or writings, or prayers phrases like “All I need is God” or “I only need Jesus in my life!”. I understand that sentiment, but here we see Adam in the garden WITH ONLY GOD, and God said, “No, this isn’t good”.
So God says I will make “a helper corresponding to him”, or some translations say “a suitable helper”. Now that phrase has been misused and abused over the years, but that is not a term or title of subordinate. God is not giving a lesser status or role to the woman by calling her a “suitable helper”. Many scholars point out that:
“The description of Eve as a “suitable” helper for Adam (Gen 2:18, 20), where the Hebrew word kenegdo (“suitable,” or “like opposite”) captures both similarity (Eve’s a human) and dissimilarity (Eve’s a female). Eve’s femaleness, and not just her humanity, qualified her as a legitimate spouse for Adam.”
In Genesis 2, we see God being the ultimate match maker for Adam and this what follows:
“Then the Lord God made the rib he had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man.(U) 23 And the man said:
This one, at last, is bone of my bone
and flesh of my flesh;
this one will be called “woman,”
for she was taken from man.(V)
24 This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.(W) 25 Both the man and his wife were naked, yet felt no shame.” - Genesis 2:22-25
Notice the phrase used in Scripture “they become one flesh”. The word in Hebrew for One is “echad”. It is a weighty word that when combined with the word flesh means something like “bonded at the deepest level”. This is the same word used in the Hebrew Scriptures to say God is one. On a mysterious level and at its best, marriage gives glimpses into the kind of oneness that God has within the trinity.
Jesus goes on to say in Matthew 19:5-6 to echo God’s plan for marriage between a male and female :
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that he who created them in the beginning made them male and female,5 and he also said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?” Matt 19:5
and then adds
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matt 19:6)
So marriage is intended to be a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman. And within that commitment and covenant to an exclusive, marriage relationship, there is meant to be safety and intimacy. It is only in the safety of commitment that you can find intimacy. That is true of most any relationship, but it is especially true in a marriage context.
Humble Service:
Humble Service:
Number 2, Marriage is about humbly serving your spouse. I want us to look at a passage of Scripture, which again, comes under a lot of heat and is often misunderstood.
“22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.”
Not I know that many of us maybe just checked out when we heard “wives submit to your husbands”. And I can understand if you want to check out because that has been abused by men and people of power a lot over history, even in the church. But stick with me, as we read the rest of this.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Husbands are to love their wives like Christ loved the church. Christ died for the church! We laid down his life. He left eternity to become human for the Church. That is the call for men. And the call to women is submit under that kind of love just like we as Christians submit to Christ.
What we see here in Ephesians in not a call for men to walk all over their wives and for woman to just lay down and take it. There is a reciprocal cycle explained here in this passage. As men love as Christ loves the church, it will be easy for women to love men by submitting to their leadership.
Think of a dance partner. Someone in a dance has to take the lead. It doesn’t mean the partner is inferior or worse, it just means that someone has to take the lead.
So marriage is meant to be a life long, humble serving to one another. The new testament commands all believers to “out do each other in love”. How much more true is that for the person you choose to be your life long covenant partner. Marriage is meant to look like bowing down and serving one another over and over and over again.
Advancing God’s Image:
Advancing God’s Image:
“So God created man
in his own image;
he created him in the image of God;
he created them male and female.(S)
28 God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth,(T) and subdue it” Genesis 1:27-28
This is actually the first command in all of the Bible! “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it”.
That means have babies! Fill the earth! But within the context of marriage, because of the commitment and safety if provides for a family. This is why the Bible does not condone sexual relations outside of marriage. Because sex is meant to not only be recreation, but procreation. Bringing more image bearers into the world to fill the earth with image of God. The bible has a very high and positive view of sex. A sacred and holy view of sex even. The Bible sees sex so special and good that it is worth reserving for the one person you will choose to partner with for life.
Sex is about commitment. Often culture throws sex around like it is just a casual, ordinary thing that is just a release of chemicals in the brain that is no big deal. But that is not the view of Scripture. God takes it very seriously and the health of a family very seriously. We could unpack a ton of stats that we don’t have time for, but the stats show without doubt that family with commited parents living together just do better than without.
But fill the earth is not just “have lots of babies”. A married couple’s mission is to partner with God to fill the earth not only with kids, but a better revelation of who God is. So as we choose a life long, covenant partner to serve with our lives, and create a family with, we do so with the mission of God to be a blessing to all of the earth.
A marriage, centered on the things and heart of God, helps accomplish God’s vision to bring all of creation into the rule and reign of God.
What Marriage is Not For
What Marriage is Not For
Let’s tackle a few misconceptions about marriage so we can have right expectations about marriage.
The Myth of “The One”
We have grown up in a Disney and Hallmark saturated world where we have books, movies, and songs all centered on finding “the one”. I don’t know about you, but I grew up with anxiety about this. I was so concerned about finding “ the one”. If I missed out, I’d be single the rest of my life and I’d miss my chance at a wife! Oh no!
However, the concept of the “one” really isn’t even Biblical. In fact is is based on Greek Mythology. Greek myth teaches that humanity was “androgynous” meaning we had two sets of arms, legs, faces, genitalia (male/female). They were a threat to the gods, but the gods didn't’ want to destroy them. So Zeus separated and split the humans into “males and females” and then we’ve been on a search to find our “missing half” that will “complete us”. Look it up! I’m not making it up. Search the Symposium by Plato and its all in there.
The truth is that there are hundreds of people on this earth we could have a meaningful, healthy, life giving marriage with. You will not “miss the one” if you don’t find a spouse in college, or in your twenties, or anything like that.
I’m not kidding. Look it up. It’s from the work the Symposium by Plato.
It is not about happiness
First of all, marriage is not about happiness. You should not get married if you think it is going to make you happy for the rest of you life. Marriage will bring you happiness, until it doesn’t. In fact this is the number one reason people wind up ending a marriage: they weren’t happy any more. “I deserve to be happy” or “I just wasn’t feeling it”.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a TON of happiness to be found in marriage. Marriage brings out the best in you. It is a wonderful adventure that God has created for us.
However, marriage also exposes our rough edges. It is hard work at times. There will be moments that are not full of happiness. Times where you have a huge argument or fight that ends in tears. You realize something about your spouse you never knew or thought they would change over time but haven’t.
The problem with putting our expectation in happiness is that it puts way too much pressure on us to be perfect. We are all broken people in some shape or another. Marriage is two broken people coming together to make a life. 1 broken person plus 1 broken person doesn’t equal happiness. It is messy, and hard.
But God intends to use a husband and wife to help refine, restore, and call us into who God is making us to be.
It is not about sex
Another reason you shouldn’t get married is sex. Yes, sex is a very good gift from God. The Bible teaches us that sex is meant for the context of marriage. But if it is the primary reason, or only reason you get married you will be supremely disappointed.
Why? Because sex is not God. Sex, like humans, is a created thing. The Bible defines idolatry as elevating created things over the creator. If we view sex too highly, we will actually miss the blessing that it intends to bring in our marriage.
What Does This Mean For Us Now?
What Does This Mean For Us Now?