Boy-Girl Relationship: the Biblical Perspective
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Intro
Intro
Text - Ecclesiastes 3.1-11
1 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:
2 A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;
3 A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away;
7 A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;
8 A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace.
9 What profit has the worker from that in which he labors?
10 I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied.
11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.
Title - Boy-Girl Relationship: The Biblical Perspective
There is a worldly way to get into relationships.
There is a godly, Christian, biblical, way of getting into a relationship with the opposite sex.
Common Issues among young men and women
Common Issues among young men and women
the purpose of, or reason for, getting into a relationship
Why are you pursuing courtship?
to be popular; peer pressure; challenge accepted;
to fill up a loss (previous breakup, somebody died, etc.)
to run away from other problems
the proper reason
you want to raise a family
you are looking for a lifetime partner
the right timing of getting into a relationship
When is the right time to get into a relationship?
teenagers? (you should be studying)
young adult? (are financially stable)
late age? (it is may not be good for women)
Are you ready as a person to get into relationships?
spiritual readiness
emotional readiness
financial readiness
ways of getting into a relationship
How do you court a girl, or entertain a suiter?
dating (American/western way of getting close to a girl/boy, the go out and spend time together)
proper courtship at home
the boy asks permission from the girl’s parents
the girls meets the boy at home
asking for the hand in marriage (pamamanhikan)
Biblical Principles to apply
Biblical Principles to apply
1.) There is a time for every thing under the sun.
1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
know the seasons of life
time to learn - teen years
time to establish a trade - twenties
time to settle - thirties
get ready for the seasons of life
one season of life prepares you for the next
Benefit of this principle
11 He has made everything beautiful in its time; also he has put eternity into man’s mind, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.
Everything is beautiful at the right time
2.) The goal of getting into a relationship is lifetime, exclusive partnership.
God designed relationship between a man and a woman to be for a lifetime.
Obviously, teenage relationship don’t have marriage in mind. The result is breakups and heartaches.
too many breakups can make us loose the sacredness of love, trust, commitment, etc.
18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name.
20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.
21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.
22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
seek a partner with the end in mind
what kind of life do I want to have as I grow old?
what kind of person do I want to live with for life?
Benefit of this principle
You have exclusive enjoyment together
15 Drink water from your own cistern, And running water from your own well.
16 Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be only your own, And not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love.
20 For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?
21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, And He ponders all his paths.
22 His own iniquities entrap the wicked man, And he is caught in the cords of his sin.
23 He shall die for lack of instruction, And in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.
3.) Romance is not the only reason for getting into relationship.
It is hard to find a by-girl relationship in the Bible that started with romantic feelings.
Most began with practical reasons in mind -
Adam and Eve - there had no other choice
Isaac and rebekah -
Jacob and Rachel and Leah -
Ruth and Boaz -
Joseph and Mary
Purpose-driven relationships is the right way.
most relationships do not continue because they begin with feelings/emotions
emotions don’t last
Romance is best developed with the relationship.
when affections are based on character, they last longer.
affections based outward qualities don’t last.
4.) Relationship is family.
The purpose of getting into relationship is to build a family.
unlike your natural birth, you can choose the kind of family you will live with, when getting into a relationship.
Getting into relationship does to set you free from your family, instead it expands your family circle.
The Ideal Way of Getting into Relationship
The Ideal Way of Getting into Relationship
Begin with the end in mind
am I ready for a lifetime of relationship?
do I see myself married or not?
what are the things i want in marriage?
financial stability?
romantic lover?
godly Christian?
what kind of life do a see myself in?
homebound?
missionary life?
what type of person am looking for?
godly Christian or worldly?
romantic lover or practical?
funny guy or serious?
hardworking partner or one day millionaire?
plain housewife or career woman?
make as many friends of the opposite sex
get to know as many persons as you can
a way to get to know the person from a safe distance
prepare yourself
for both
seek wisdom from God and spiritual men and women
know your priorities as a Christian
define your boundaries and stick to them
the boy
establish your spiritual life
establish your finances
understand the purpose of getting into relationship
understand the pros and cons
the girl
learn a trade or two
Courtship
courtship stage begins from the time the boy expresses his intent to court a girl to the day the girl accepts his offer of love
[for the boy]
seek the parents’ permission - it is better to inform the parents first regarding your intent to court a girl
begin the courtship stage only when you are ready emotionally, spiritually, financially
court the girl at home
[for the girl]
refuse to be courted outside of your home
do not confine yourself to one boy
take time to get to know the boy
his passions
his dreams
his character
his abilities and disabilities
once you have determined to accept a boy’s offer, if you have other suiters, begin to excuse yourselves from them one by one
dating at this stage should be under the strict supervision of the parents of the girl
In a relationship
this stage begins from the time the girls accepts the boy’s offer to the day of their wedding
ideally, this stage should not take too long
[for the girl] Enter into relationship only when -
you understand the boy’s goal in mind and you agree to it
you know the boy’s character and they are within your personal preferences
you are aware of the boy’s capabilities and incapabilities
you are willing to submit to his interests and plans
[for the boy]
do not make this stage longer than necessary
begin planning for your wedding and life together
introduce each other to your respective families
dating at this stage should be minimal and in groups, and only because there is valid for you to go together. this helps minimize the chance of falling into unnecessary problems
Conclusion
Conclusion
Trust God’s ways
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil.
8 It will be health to your flesh, And strength to your bones.
Enjoy your life with God!