Follow the Leader Into Real Life
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Snowed-in Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s is one of those cultural traditions that can be absolutely wonderful or completely awful.
I’d say being snowed in this year moves the needle toward “less than wonderful” for many.
We’ve had this “ideal” circumstance built up in our minds of what makes both a great Valentine’s experience. We tend to do the same to all of our relationships, but particularly marriage.
We look for that ideal mate who can every need we have without having to be told. For life to be like every Disney movie - they live happily ever after but they never get around to describing what that “ever after” looks like.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the reality that most of us experience. It’s just possible in this old world.
Life is a series of ups and downs, victories and disappointments.
The good news for Christians is that we’re not supposed to be perfect but we are called grow in our relationships.
So we start in a place that might feel too comfortable, but it’s necessary to facilitate healthy relationships.
We Are Flawed, But Redeemed
We Are Flawed, But Redeemed
6 When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. 7 Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. 8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. 9 And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation. 10 For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son. 11 So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.
As Christians, we know that God’s Word gives human beings their true value and character.
Scripture is where we find out how God sees us, and his all-knowing view gives married believers a great starting place for seeing and accepting each other.
From the Bible, we get a mixed view of ourselves. People are good, because they are created by God in his image (Genesis 1–2).
Yet, not one human being has measured up to God’s holy standard (Romans 3:10–12, 23).
Fortunately, God redeemed us through Christ’s death, putting the righteousness of Jesus on every believer. So, without deserving it at all, we have been made worthy of friendship with God.
Who we are before God is reality, and truthfulness about our flaws and forgiveness for each other form a basis for real, lasting unity in marriage.
[Q] From understanding God’s holiness and high standard, what do you know about your position of need before God?
[Q] If you have trusted Christ’s work on the Cross to save you, how does God see you now? Your spouse?
[Q] If you and your spouse both acknowledge your sin, how can that help clear away any pretensions of perfection in your married life?
[Q] How does having been forgiven yourself help you to extend grace and forgiveness to your spouse?
Also, let me offer this encouragement.
God makes everything beautiful in its time.
God makes everything beautiful in its time.
1 For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. 2 A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. 3 A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. 4 A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. 5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. 6 A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. 7 A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. 8 A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. 9 What do people really get for all their hard work? 10 I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. 11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. 12 So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. 13 And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God. 14 And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him.
God is not laboring under any delusions about what life is like for us.
He knows we’re flawed, and he knows our world is a fallen and difficult place.
In this passage from Ecclesiastes, the writer (possibly King Solomon) creates a poetic list that encompasses nearly all of human experience, including moments of devastating loss as well as triumphant exuberance.
Then he says with bedrock confidence in God’s sovereign goodness, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”
If we believe that God is in perfect control of our life and times—no matter how hectic, frenzied, or pressured the days may seem to us—we know that we can trust him.
We know that we don’t have, and won’t have, perfect control of our daily lives.
An old song says we “trust and obey, for there’s no other way.”
In this fallen world, where our days fluctuate widely between joy and suffering, God is in control, working “all things together for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28).
[Q] If you could rewrite the poem from Ecclesiastes 3, which “times” would you just as soon leave off the list?
[Q] Which of the “times” in this Scripture poem have you and your spouse already experienced in your life together?
[Q] What do verses 11 and 14 say about the sovereignty of God? Does this aspect of God frustrate you or comfort you?
11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.
14 And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him.
[Q] When are you tempted to trust in your own “control,” rather than realizing that God is really ordaining and redeeming the events of your life?
Optional Activity: Write your own poetic list of “times” you’ve shared as a couple, adding in your feelings about God and/or your feelings about how far you’ve come together.
God made us for relationships.
God made us for relationships.
9 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. 11 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
God is three-in-one: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in perfect relational unity (John 10:30), and human beings are created “in the image of God” (Genesis 1:27).
So our human capacities to love, empathize, nurture, encourage, and forgive all derive directly from God’s character.
God provided this excellent inheritance on purpose, so that we would enjoy the magnificent blessing of fellowship—camaraderie and teamwork in this life.
One of the most meaningful ways that Christians understand and receive God’s love is through accepting the love and friendship of others.
You were made for relationship. You glorify God and his character—and make the most of his gifts—as you live your life in productive and effective teamwork, with the comfort of each other.
[Q] The partners in this passage aren’t living a trouble-free, ideal life. What challenges do they face together?
[Q] What aspects of relationship are valued in this short passage?
[Q] How do the relationship virtues that come out of these verses compare to Trujillo’s description of the Christian subculture’s marital ideals?
[Q] How has your own marriage weathered times of toil, falling down, coldness, or outside attack?
Optional Activity: Write a paragraph about your own marriage, beginning with the words, “Two are better than one because …”
God provides relationship ideals that really work.
God provides relationship ideals that really work.
1 Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. 2 Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. 3 For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.
12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. 16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. 17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.
God’s relationship parameters prove that he understands that Christians need equipment for dealing with each other’s imperfections, weaknesses, and failures.
Verses 12–17 encourage believers to “put on” compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and—above all—love. These relationship “ideals” bear little resemblance to the perfect married people depicted by Kelli Trujillo in her tongue-in-cheek description of the ultimate Christian married couple. The relationship ideals of Colossians 3 come into play in the real, everyday, rubber-meets-the-road, nitty-gritty of your life.
[Q] The first four verses of Colossians 3 stipulate that Christians are different from other people because they can set their minds on things above. What do you think the “things above” might be, and how would it help your marriage to keep thinking about those things?
[Q] What do you think a marriage being done “in the name of the Lord Jesus” (v. 17) would look like? How is this different from the “ideal” relationships we tend to expect of Christian marriages?
[Q] Try to identify a time in the last week when your spouse needed your compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, or patience. How did you show it?
Ø Can you remember an occasion when your spouse showed you one of these same attributes?
[Q] How do the imperfections of your life together provide an opportunity for you to “put on” the virtues listed in Colossians 3?
Apply Your Findings
Apply Your Findings
God is well aware of our human weaknesses and needs; he “remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:14). He also knows about the challenges and crises we face from day to day. He remains in perfect control, no matter how fast or wild our rollercoaster ups and downs seem to be getting, and he is capably making all things beautiful, in his time. So when God put you in relationship with your spouse, it wasn’t so you could pretend to be the perfect Christian couple. He made you a team to bless and help and comfort one another as you meet the challenges of each day, with the purpose of glorifying him and trusting him together. God’s instructions about how to handle relationships are grounded in nitty-gritty realities: the everyday need for gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and overarching love.