THE MARRIAGE JUNGLE

“Clearing the Path to Great SEX”

Pastor Greg Henneman

June 8, 2003

Text:           Genesis 1:27-28, 31

Key Idea:    Sex is a beautiful gift from God.

Goal:           To encourage couples to intentionally improve their sex lives.

INTRODUCTION

Today we come to the end of our theme “The Marriage Jungle.” It’s been fun to see some of you getting into it, wearing jaguar pants and leopard ties to church.

Hopefully you’ve learned some things over the past couple of months that is helping your marriage become more like a garden than a jungle. You know that dangerous animals and quicksand and wrong paths will always be there to threaten us and tempt us, but with the presence of Christ at our side, we can find the right path and stay on it.

And today as we end this series I want to talk to you about sex. “Clearing the Path to Great Sex.”  We live in a culture (a jungle) where it’s all about sex. Sex is used to sell toothpaste and cars and eyeglasses.

You’ve seen these books on how men and women are different, haven’t you? How men need to understand women and women need to understand men? This is true especially in the area of sexuality. I came across a cute little piece about the differences between men and women. Here are 10 things that men think women ought to know about men. Here are 10 thoughts from the man’s point of view…

Men Think Women Should Know

1.     Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up put it down. We need it up. You need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down do you?

2.     Shopping is not a sport. And no we will never think it’s a sport.

3.     Just ask for you want. Be clear on this: hints do not work. Just say it!

4.     Most guys own three pairs of shoes, tops. What makes you think that we would be any good at choosing which pair out of the 30 pair that you own would look good with your dress? We don’t know!

5.     You come to us with a problem only if you want help solving the problem. That’s what we do; we solve problems. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

6.     A headache that lasts 17 months is a problem; go see a doctor.

7.     If you think you’re fat you probably are, don’t ask us. We refuse to answer that question.

8.     If something we said could be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

9.     Whenever possible please, say what you have to say during commercials.

10.                        If we ask “what is wrong” and you say nothing, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you’re lying but it’s just not worth the hassle.

Men and women are different. And this is especially true in the area of our sexuality. And what we need to do as Christians is redeem our sexuality. Jesus wants to save not only our souls so we go to heaven when we die, but he also wants to save and purify our sexual energy, so that we glorify him in the bedroom as well as in the sanctuary.

Some of us today have gotten off the path in the marriage jungle when it comes to our sexuality. And we need to clear the path. We need to recalibrate and find the right direction so that our sex lives will be what God intended them to be.

So I want to give you four major insights from God’s Word that will help you married couples clear the path to a great sex life. Did you hear that? I said “married couples.” I’ll talk to you singles and teens in a moment.

1. Sex is a gift from God.

It’s a tragedy that the church has oftentimes given the impression that sex is dirty or shameful. The fact is, sex is a gift from God! Look at…

Genesis 1:27-28, 31 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number… God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.”

God could have created us in a zillion different ways; but he created us “male and female.” So the whole idea of man and woman and love and sex are God’s idea! He made us this way! Notice God said, “Be fruitful and increase in number!” Now how are we going to obey that command! By having sex! Right? That’s the only command of God that mankind has obeyed perfectly!

Some of you, for whatever reasons, have thought that sex is “dirty” or “not appropriate” for really holy Christians. You may think that the more “holy” you become the less sexual you become. Think again! God created us “male and female.” The male body parts and the female body parts correspond perfectly to each other. The male psyche and the female psyche mesh beautifully together.

Could it be that the more “spiritual” we become, the more our spirituality will impact and purify and energize our sexuality? I think a good case could be made that the more spiritual a married couple becomes, the more vibrant their sex life will be! Assuming of course that they don’t have some physical illness or problem.

My point is: Don’t think that to be “spiritual” means that you deny your sexuality! God created us to be spiritual and sexual! Now…

2. Sex is dangerous outside of God’s design.

Sex is like fire. It’s a wonderful thing when used rightly, but it will destroy you if you’re not careful.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 "It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life."

Notice, Christ-followers are to “avoid sexual immorality.” What is sexual immorality? Sexual immorality is having sex with someone other than your married partner. Having sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend is sexual immorality.

You say, “But Greg, we love each other, and our God-given desires are white-hot and we’re probably going to get married anyway!” Look what God says, “each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God.”

If you’re a Christ-follower then the Spirit of Christ lives inside you! And the Spirit says that expressing your sexuality outside of the marriage covenant is NOT God’s will for you!

Single people and teenagers, your sexuality was given to you by God. God knows your sexual needs. God is not a mean, grouchy God who doesn’t want you to have any fun. When God tells you to control your sexual desires and not to express your sexual desires until your married, God is telling you that for your own benefit!

In the future you don’t want to be in bed with your spouse and comparing them to people you’ve had sex with before you were married. You don’t want to get hooked on pornography and internet sex that will rob you of sexual joy in your marriage years from now.

I want to say something to those of you who may have taken the wrong path sexually and you’re lost in the jungle now, and you’re all torn up and beat up. Listen: God still loves you. He can forgive you. Maybe somebody has used you and abused you and you feel like a dirty paper plate.

Listen: God won’t throw you into the garbage. God can clean you up and give you a fresh start. You are NOT a dirty paper plate. You are a valuable, gold-plated china plate in God’s eyes! Jesus died on the cross for you! He loves you!

Did you know that statistics tell us that 1 in 6 women have been sexually abused? That means that if our church is “average”, and it probably is, 1 in every six woman here this morning has been victimized sexually.

Sex can be a dangerous and horrible thing outside of God’s design. Now in this church we come together to embrace healing in Christ. And if you have experienced trauma and brokenness in your sexual history, you don’t have to carry that alone. Bring your brokenness to God because he desires your healing and your wholeness in this area of your life.

Sex is dangerous outside of God’s design; but it’s beautiful when expressed in a loving marriage covenant. Which leads us to #3…and this may surprise some of you…

3. Sex is a gift that you owe your spouse.

Did you know that? If you are married, one of your responsibilities to your partner is to make sure that they are sexually satisfied.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. [“duty” = debt or obligation] The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

Notice, husbands and wives, God says that once you are married you are now “one flesh.” Your body does not belong to you alone. Your body also belongs to your spouse. Do not deprive each other of the gift of sex; otherwise, Satan may tempt your partner to meet their needs elsewhere.

Here’s an assignment for you, if you have the courage to do it. Ask your spouse, “Honey, do I satisfy you sexually? Am I meeting your sexual needs?”

Illust: Now love says that you may have to compromise. One partner might want sex more often than the other, and you have to find an agreeable compromise. You may have heard about the couple who went to a counselor. The counselor interviewed the husband and wife separately. He asked the husband, “How often do you and your wife make love?” The husband said, “Oh, not very often! Twice a week.” Then he interviewed the wife. He said, “How often do you and your husband make love?” She said, “Oh, all the time! Twice a week!”

So it may be a matter of perspective, and you have to find some compromise that satisfies you both!

#4, if you really want to clear the path to a healthier sex life, you need to realize that…

4. Sexual enjoyment increases with intimacy.

Sex is NOT the end all of life! Although we are sexual beings and we have sexual needs, there is much more to life than sex! Sometimes people get all caught up in techniques and statistics and methods and comparisons, but the simple fact is, the marriage bed is basically a reflection of what’s going on the other 23 hours of the day!

If you enjoy intimacy in your marriage, if there is sensitivity and affirmation and gentleness and harmony in your relationship, chances are, the sexual satisfaction will automatically be there! Sex is like icing on the cake. Sex is a great dessert, but it can never be the main meal!

So if you want to improve your sex life, improve your life! Improve your relationship together, and the sexual satisfaction will follow!

Philippians 2:1-5 “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.”

You want a better sex life? Build intimacy in your relationship.

          How to Build Intimacy

·        Be more like Jesus.

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.” The more your attitude becomes more like Jesus, the more loving and kind and sensitive and gentle and strong you will be. And as you grow more like Jesus, your relationship will automatically become more intimate and satisfying, and as your relationship becomes more intimate and satisfying, the path will be cleared to a healthier sex life.

It’s like a triangle.  Here’s you and your spouse. The closer you get to Jesus, the closer you get to each other.

Another way to build intimacy in your marriage is to…

·        Simplify your life.

Illust: I am convinced that one of the main reasons for a less than satisfactory sex life for many married couples is that they are just way too busy! One woman said, “By the time I put the cat out, tuck the kids in, and turn off the telephone , who cares?!” (Dobson “Solid Answers” 412)

Good question. If you really want to build intimacy into your marriage, you’ve got to prioritize and plan for it! You can go for years working, working, working, doing everything else first and giving each other only “left over” time –which there never is “left over” time.

Don’t go month after month, hitting the pillow at 11:00 at night, exhausted. Looking at each other, “Sleep? Sex? Sleep? Sex? Sleeeeep!” That’s what will happen if you don’t prioritize your relationship! So start dating each other again! Write your date nights in on your calendar! And that will mean that you will have to give up some other things so that you can make time for each other.

Speaking of sleep…

·        Sleep more.

I got on the internet the other day and learned that we are a sleep-deprived society. Listen to this article…

“We’ve become a tired and chronically sleep-deprived generation. Why? Technology and the industrial revolution is one of the biggest factors. We live in a fast-paced, high-tech world that operates 24 hours a day. Supermarkets, banks, restaurants, hotels, airports, train and bus terminals and a myriad of other businesses and services are accessible around the clock. Policeman, doctors, nurses, fireman: these professionals are part of the 20% of today’s modern work force who are required to work rotating shifts. More and more people are starting their own businesses or working from home, often following no set work schedule. Television, radio and movie channels broadcast day and night. Cities are growing and so are the number of vehicles in them. Consequently it’s taking extra time to drive to and from work each day. We trade hours we should be sleeping to “catch up on some work from the office” or to pursue additional leisure activities like cruising the Net. It’s estimated that over the past century a person’s average nightly sleeping time has been reduced by 2 hours. Is it any wonder that so many of us are short on sleep?”

Another article said that the average person needs 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night, yet many people are trying to live on 5 to 6 hours of sleep. As a result they are having accidents at work and accidents on the highways.

So I am convinced that for many of us, if we’re going to clear the path to a better sex life, and to a better life in general, we’ve got to simplify our lives and sleep more!

That will give us more time to…

·        Spend time together.

·        Exercise.

·        Laugh.

Some of us are so serious! Some of us Christians act like we were baptized in prune juice! And we’re anxious and worried about everything. Lighten up! Take God more seriously and yourself less seriously! God commands us to be “joyful.” He wants us to be people of faith who trust him to care of us. And finally…

·        Resolve your frustrations.

It may take some good Christian counseling. You may have to face some painful truths in your relationships in order to clear the path to intimacy. But it will be worth it. God’s plan is for one man and one woman, married for life. Married for intimacy, expressing their oneness and their love through God’s gift of sexuality. LET’S PRAY.

Key Idea:       Sex is a beautiful gift from God.

Goal:              To encourage couples to intentionally improve their sex lives.

THE MARRIAGE JUNGLE

“Clearing the Path to Great SEX”

Pastor Greg Henneman

June 8, 2003

Text:           Genesis 1:27-28, 31

Sex is a beautiful gift from God. Yet statistics tell us that sex is a major source of frustration in many marriages. With God’s help, we can clear the path to great sex.

1. Sex is a _______________ from God.

Genesis 1:27-28, 31 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number… God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.”

2. Sex is _________________ outside of God’s design.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 "It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life."

3. Sex is a gift that you ______________ your spouse.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

4. Sexual enjoyment increases with _________________.

Philippians 2:1-5 “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.”

          How to Build Intimacy

·        Be more like Jesus.

·        Simplify your life.

·        Sleep more.

·        Spend time together.

·        Exercise.

·        Laugh.

·        Resolve your frustrations.