Godly Parenting
Notes
Transcript
“Now this is the commandment—the statutes and the rules—that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, that you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long. Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey.
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
“And when the Lord your God brings you into the land that he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give you—with great and good cities that you did not build, and houses full of all good things that you did not fill, and cisterns that you did not dig, and vineyards and olive trees that you did not plant—and when you eat and are full, then take care lest you forget the Lord, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. It is the Lord your God you shall fear. Him you shall serve and by his name you shall swear. You shall not go after other gods, the gods of the peoples who are around you— for the Lord your God in your midst is a jealous God—lest the anger of the Lord your God be kindled against you, and he destroy you from off the face of the earth.
“You shall not put the Lord your God to the test, as you tested him at Massah. You shall diligently keep the commandments of the Lord your God, and his testimonies and his statutes, which he has commanded you. And you shall do what is right and good in the sight of the Lord, that it may go well with you, and that you may go in and take possession of the good land that the Lord swore to give to your fathers by thrusting out all your enemies from before you, as the Lord has promised.
“When your son asks you in time to come, ‘What is the meaning of the testimonies and the statutes and the rules that the Lord our God has commanded you?’ then you shall say to your son, ‘We were Pharaoh’s slaves in Egypt. And the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. And the Lord showed signs and wonders, great and grievous, against Egypt and against Pharaoh and all his household, before our eyes. And he brought us out from there, that he might bring us in and give us the land that he swore to give to our fathers. And the Lord commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive, as we are this day. And it will be righteousness for us, if we are careful to do all this commandment before the Lord our God, as he has commanded us.’
With today being Mother’s Day and likely one that feels a bit different when it comes to our normal traditions, we’re looking at parenting. Next week, I plan to jump into our Acts series, but for today we’re in a book we’ve turned to a couple times in this last year. Deuteronomy is the account of how God spoke to the Israelites through Moses, preparing them for life in Canaan.
As I think about our congregation, Baldwin CRC has women at a lot of different life stages connected to parenting. Some are currently bringing up children from birth to age 18 or older young adults who are still living at home. Some have children who are in their 20s and 30s and have moved out of the house, but there’s still a strong pull to parent and teach. We also have a number of women who are grandmas, great-grandmas, and aunts, as well as young women who hope to be mothers one day. You think about all the things that motherhood connects to: childbearing, childrearing, discipline, love, nurture, comfort. Whether a mom works outside the home usually or stays at home with their family most of the day, this is a wonderful opportunity to celebrate moms for all that they do, which is often taken for granted.
Today can also be a difficult day: for women who’ve lost children or not been able to have children; for those whose mothers have passed away. Perhaps some of you have experienced estrangement from your mother, or you’re a mother who has experienced that from a child. So, while many celebrate this day, that’s not necessarily the case for all women, mothers, or children.
I want to be sensitive to the difficulties that might be linked with having and raising children, and also inclusive. So, titling this sermon, “Godly Parenting,” it’s meant to be a biblical message for women as well as men, which I believe our text intends for. The specific biological or adoptive roles of mother and father are wonderful gifts God put into his creation and into societies, but if we’re not in those roles, we can still come alongside parents and children.
Brothers and sisters in Christ, every Tuesday evening during this quarantine, Keith and Kristyn Getty, the husband and wife who are two of the songwriters for “Oh, How Good It Is,” have been leading a live family hymn sing on their Facebook page. It’s relatively short, about 20 minutes, with a mix of 6 or 7 of their songs, traditional hymns, and children’s songs, usually on a keyboard or a guitar. The Gettys have four daughters, ranging from around age two to age ten, and at least the three older ones are always with them for the first few songs and return for the last one.
As Christie and I watched this week, it was clear that the girls were wearing on their parents. It’s quite literally like my kids times two, one hanging onto dad’s neck or shoulders while he’s trying to play an instrument and sing, another begging for mom’s attention, another trying to be the star of the show as the 5 or 6 of them crowd into fit the webcam’s frame. We laughed because at the end Keith looked like he was either about to yell at the girls or scream in another room as soon as the camera shut off. I had my pick of unflattering pictures that I could have photoshopped from the video, but it seemed more gracious to just have you picture it in your minds.
As parents we know how it is. To see another family who dearly loves the Lord and who’s involved in ministry, struggling to get their children to calm down and get through what they wanted to accomplish, to not always be 100% put together was reassuring. Maybe some of you had or have perfect children that you never had to “Shh…” because they interrupted you or stop them from running around or doing something mischievous. Maybe your kid or kids never talked back to you or were defiant; you never had to carry them out of a worship service or another gathering with an expectation of quiet. Perhaps you never told God, “I think you were a little crazy when you decided I should be allowed to have and raise children,” or simply, “God, I don’t think I can do this.” But most parents experience all that at some points; some, like I expect it might be for us, that may last for decades.
We begin this morning with the truth: to do godly parenting well is not an easy task. What I mean by godly parenting is to raise a child or children—that’s what all parents do and it’s difficult enough—but then also to teach, train, and disciple them in the faith, is not an easy task. All of us who find ourselves in or who take up this calling, whether in our families or a classroom setting or anywhere else we might have children under our care need this reminder.
It’s not an easy task, and yet often it feels like people put on rose-colored glasses when it comes to children. We talk from an emotional perspective about how perfect and precious and innocent they are. Certain passages can point us that way. Psalm 127 verses 3 and 5 says, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him…Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them…” Psalm 139 verses 13 and 14, “For you,” God, “created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” Matthew 19 tells us about people bringing their children “to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them…Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’” Just a chapter before, having a child stand among his disciples and himself, Jesus said, “…‘I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven…’”
What we hear is that children are and parenting is precious. These little people are and this calling is a gift from God. A commitment to parenting is a weighty and important thing; it demands our focus. Kids are good. Parenting is good. But it’s not always easy.
The last few weeks, we’ve been reminded that COVID-19 is not just a random bad thing that we can’t fathom where it came from. No, it’s an effect of the fall. Maybe we don’t like to think this way, but the struggles of parenting fit into that as well. When God handed down the curse to Eve, the name given “because she would become the mother of all the living,” God said, “…‘I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children...’” There’s pain that only mothers can experience right from the get-go.
Thinking, too, of the Ten Commandments, the fifth commandment is very straightforward: “Honor your father and your mother.” Maybe we think, “Because I’m a Christian and I take my family to church and we even try to do regular devotions, my children will automatically honor me, their father or mother.” Yet from the days of Cain and Abel, children of these first parents, we know that one generation honoring the one who gave birth to them, the one who raised them and fed them and provided for them, was not and is not automatic.
To do godly parenting well is wonderful, but it isn’t easy. Thus, our second point, godly parents and their children require God’s instructions. Throughout Deuteronomy, Israel’s reminded that what God set before them was not only for them, then and there. It wasn’t just for that group, that generation. God also intended it for their offspring or descendants. Moses said, “the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe…so that you, your children, and their children after them may fear the Lord as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands…”
About 40 years prior, God had given his commands to his people at Mt. Sinai. They didn’t trust God, and so the Promised Land was put on hold until their children. The same commands were in play, and among them were some basic commands pertaining to family relationships. We’ve heard, “Honor your father and your mother,” Yet God went a step further. Boys and girls, young people, and adults, too, there are multiple passages in the Old Testament warning that, “Anyone who curses their father or mother must be put to death.” That was a command from God to his covenant people Israel. What God desires for families of his followers is for there to be honor—listening and obedience and love—from children to parents; that is part of how and what he created us to be and do.
Some of this continues into the New Testament period. Paul told the Christians in Ephesus and in Colossae that children were to “Obey [their] parents in the Lord, for this is right” and “this pleases the Lord.” There were also commands for fathers, which likely can also be applied to mothers. Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Colossians 3:21, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
These basic commands had already been put in place. But when God talked about the law with his people, we have to remember he’s talking about the whole covenant relationship that he offered them. When Moses told the people, as parents, “Impress [these commandments] on your children. Talk about them…at home and…along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes…and on your gates,” he was calling for them to have their whole lives oriented to who God is, what God had done for them, and what God promised them. Not just their lives, though, but take that into their families.
For Israel that meant teaching all the rules that God had set in place over their lives, parents were to tell their children what God wanted of all of them. It also meant as we heard and read at the end of chapter 6, they had to keep on telling the story of how God had freed them and blessed them in bringing them from Egypt. He would continue to prosper them if they walked with him. They were who they were wholly because God had done this. Godly Israelite parents were raising their children not just to act right but to know the truth and to love God.
Brothers and sisters, that is our task as well. Whether we’re parents or grandparents, teachers or babysitters, guardians or helpers, we are to raise our children in a way that encourages them and disciplines them to do what is right as opposed to wrong, and to know God’s truth, and to love God in light of Jesus. When we think about the term “God’s instructions,” we’re referring to the Bible. You and I are not God. So, we shouldn’t try to refigure God in our imaginations according to what we wish he would be like and what we wish he would do, and teach that to our kids. We aren’t to look at the sins we don’t like or find difficult and delete them or make up new ones. God, our Creator and Redeemer, knows the best way for our lives. He’s told us his will and how we can be redeemed. The only unfailing hope we can have is by faith in his Son Jesus Christ.
There are many good lessons mothers and fathers can teach their children: the value of hard work, respecting others, managing money well, how to cook and clean or fix certain things. But in teaching those lessons and skills, do not overlook the value of teaching children the most important things, faith things. Don’t restrict the Bible and Jesus to the church’s work or a Christian school’s work or GEMS or youth group’s work. God intends that to be a family commitment first. Moms and dads have the calling to be spiritual leaders at home. We cannot force our kids into faith. We can’t determine their salvation, but our calling is to pass on who and what we love most.
Godly parenting is hard. Godly parenting relies on God’s instructions in his Word and ought to be a commitment of every believing mom and dad in their homes. Finally, godly parenting involves repenting and needing Jesus’ redemption. I want to be clear that what I’ve been saying this morning is a sermon, it is not Dan’s parenting advice. What I mean by that is I need all these reminders, all these encouragements, and all these rebukes, too. As both a son and a dad, I feel like in the past and most days still that I fall miserably short. I’m not the person you should come to for advice if you want well-behaved kids and perfectly attentive, never self-absorbed parenting. My patience runs out too quick. My temper flares. I think I’ve learned the only way God can possibly put up with sinners who he adopts as his children is by the perfect obedience of Jesus and grace beyond measure.
Godly parenting requires parents who are seeking God themselves. We can’t just give kids Christian rules or tell them stories or principles. We must be willing to visibly live out our faith, devotion, and love for God. The Words of Hope daily devotional for Friday, written by a woman named Laura Sweet, began, “Every parent knows that the best way to teach a child is by one’s own example. Mere words can only go so far; children learn what they see modeled—whether good or bad. And that’s true of all of us! We learn best when we first see something demonstrated.”
What do your children or other people you care for or who look up to you see? Do they see someone who spends time in God’s word and prayer? Are you someone who loves them and your spouse? Do they see you serving others, sharing about Jesus, being stewardly with your resources? Do you pursue holiness and righteousness? It’s amazing what our kids catch. Every parent has probably had those times when they think their kid didn’t see something or hear something or understand what was happening—whether good or bad, yet they tell us later. Kids might forget after that, but for that short period of time, what we did or what we said meant something; it shaped them. Are we setting godly examples for our children and in what areas do we need to repent and have Jesus continue to redeem and sanctify us?
All of us have days and stretches of time when we’re worn out in parenting or worn out by other people—maybe it’s our work, maybe it’s the news or politics, maybe it’s our spouse. In those times, we are reminded that we can’t get through this life, we can’t fulfill all our roles or callings on our own. When we fail as parents, when we let our kids down, when they don’t act like we think they should, when they don’t live out faith and honor us or God as we think they should, godly parents must seek God.
You think about Israel’s history in the Promised Land—it was littered with sin, with shortcomings, with rejection of God, with a failure to appropriately parent and lead future generations. We can’t argue that they didn’t deserve punishment. Yet despite their sin, God in his covenant love and mercy was always there, willing to accept their genuine repentance, and uphold them. Knowing the One who provides perfect hope and salvation, the one who was obedient to God by even dying on the cross, we can have the same hope of a God who is patient and caring for us as parents. We will fall short as we do in all parts of our lives. We and our kids will fall short of God’s righteousness and likely of our own standards. The truth remains that in those times, we’re not to dig deeper into resentment or wallowing in self-pity, but let us seek the mercy of God in our homes and families, and not forget that God shows grace to those he loves. Amen.