Gifts Relating to Marriage
Notes
Transcript
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
Marriage is an enormous part of our lives. It’s so important that it’s mentioned in the very first chapter of the Bible, where God created man, male and female, and gave them instructions to populate the earth for the glory of God. The second chapter gives even more detail.
Think about it. Most of us marry fairly young, i.e., in our twenties or thirties, and we remain married for several decades. There are no pauses or breaks in marriage, even when husbands and wives take separate vacations. They might be on opposite sides of the world, but they’re still married and all the principles of marriage apply. Marriage is a 24/7 proposition in which each spouse has a duty to seek the other’s good.
It’s no wonder, then, that the Bible says so much about this sacred institution, even presenting it as a glorious picture of the relationship between Christ and his church. It exalts marriage as a positive good. But for unbelievers it’s often nothing more than a necessary evil, perhaps the worst evil of all. They joke about bossy wives, incompetent husbands and shackles. Yet, often the joke’s on them because their families are upside down in a world of sin and they don’t even know it.
The passage that we’re considering tonight is one of the Bible’s many passages dealing with marriage. It speaks forthrightly concerning the most intimate part of marriage and does so with incredible dignity.
Paul’s Concern
Paul’s Concern
Paul’s discussion of marriage begins with verse 1. He wrote, Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. But before we consider what this says about marriage, there are two other points that need to be made.
Note first of all that Paul specifically said that he was responding to a matter that the Corinthians had brought to his attention in a letter. Everything that he had addressed thus far had been reported to him orally by Chloe’s people. In the first chapter he wrote, For it hath been declared unto me of you, my brethren, by them which are of the house of Chloe, that there are contentions among you. But from chapter 7 on the subjects addressed were raised by the Corinthians themselves. They wanted help.
Note secondly that Paul was very careful to specify throughout the remaining chapters what these subjects were. There are six of them altogether. Each one is introduced with the words now concerning (περί δὲ). The first subject is marriage. The second is celibacy in verse 25 of our present chapter. The third is meat offered to idols. This begins with the first verse of chapter 8. The fourth is spiritual gifts, starting in chapter 12. The fifth is the collection for the church in Jerusalem in chapter 16 (vv. 1–4). And the sixth is Apollos’ ministry, which we also find in chapter 16 (v. 12).
Curiously, though, Paul’s lengthy discussion of the resurrection in chapter 15 does not begin with the same introductory phrase. This makes it unclear to us where this topic came from.
In any case, my point is that the first verse of chapter 7 marks a major transition. The subject is no longer immorality, as it had been in the preceding two chapters, but marriage. Along with that, I would suggested that the word touch (ἅπτεσθαι) would be better translated according to its older meaning as “bind” or “be bound by.” That is, it is good for a man not to be bound to a woman, i.e., it’s better not to be married.
But would Paul, who speaks so highly of marriage elsewhere, say such a thing? Would he contradict the Lord who, upon establishing the marriage covenant, said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him (Gen. 2:18)? Didn’t Paul himself later write in 1 Timothy 4:1–3 that those who prohibit marriage have departed from the faith, have given heed to seducing spirits, and promote demonic teachings? In fact, in this very letter he insisted that he and the other apostles have a right to be married. He wrote, Have we not power to lead about a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas? (ch. 9:5).
We can even go so far as Calvin and say that a man without a wife is “but half a man” and that his wife is “the completing of the man.” Of course, Calvin wasn’t talking about man’s humanity as such, but about the special gifts and fulfillment that comes from entering into marriage and becoming one flesh with another.
So, any thought that Paul was laying down the principle that celibacy is universally better than marriage must be thrown out at once. Rather, he was responding to a question from the Corinthians regarding their specific circumstances. He described those circumstances in verse 26 as a present distress. Perhaps he had an expectation of imminent and severe persecution. In times such as these it is better not to be married. Think about it. How often have ungodly men used a threat of harm against one spouse to coerce a denial of Christ from the other? How much more difficult is it for a married couple to flee and hide than two single people separately?
But let me emphasize again that the situation in Corinth was an exception, not the rule. The general rule is that men and women should marry for their own sake.
There is, however, one important exception to Paul’s exception. We find it in verse 2. Paul wrote, Nevertheless, to avoid fornication [better, fornications], let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
There are many nobler reasons for getting married than the one given here. Better reasons would include a desire to glorify God, the fulfillment of the individuals who marry and the propagation of the human race. Those reasons are assumed here. But even though the present distress of the Corinthians would discourage marriage, there is one particularly strong reason for marrying anyway. If a person struggles with a desire for intimacy, he should satisfy his desire by getting married rather than seeking a prostitute. It’s not a sin to be persecuted. It’s not a sin for a husband and wife to bear affliction together. But it is a sin to satisfy our desires in any way that God forbids.
Paul’s solution for those who desire intimacy is heterosexual monogamy. Each man or woman should have only one spouse, and each person’s spouse must be of the opposite gender.
The Duties of Marriage
The Duties of Marriage
Having introduced the subject of monogamous marriage, Paul went on to make sure that the Corinthians understood what he meant. To do this, he made the same point three different ways.
First, Paul laid down the principle in verse 2. Each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. Since he introduced this as the answer to sexual immorality, it’s clear that having a wife or husband refers specifically to physical intimacy.
Second, Paul repeated the same principle in verse 3, emphasizing here the obligation that each spouse has toward the other. He wrote, Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The word translated benevolence (εὔνοιαν) literally means affection. In other words, the duty that husbands and wives have toward each other goes far beyond the marital bed. It’s a responsibility to be kind, warm and loving toward each other all the time.
Here we see how the Lord turns things upside down. Our natural tendency being sinners, and the reason many marriages crumble into dust, is that we would rather demand things from our spouses than give to them. Worldlings ask, “What can I get from my spouse?” But in Jesus Christ we learn to put our spouses before our own desires. Yes, the glory of God must be our chief responsibility and joy. But second to that is the care and nurture of the one with whom we have entered a lifelong covenant of love and labor. Everything else, including our children, comes after that.
And third, Paul reaffirmed the same principle specifically in regard to intimacy in verse 4. The wife, he said, hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Power here is authority, not physical force. Paul had argued in the previous chapter that our bodies are not ours to do with as we please. They belong to the Lord, who dwells in us and uses them as his temple. Here we find that there is yet another who has greater authority over our bodies than we do — our spouses. Therefore we must devote ourselves to satisfying our spouses’ needs.
Now, in case you missed it there’s an assumption hidden underneath what I just said that shouldn’t be overlooked. In other passages of Scripture (Ephesians 5 for example), the Word of God asserts emphatically that the husband is the head of his wife. That is, he has a responsibility as the covenant head of the home to lead and guide his wife, often making decisions that affect her. And he will have to answer to God for his headship. But when it comes to sex, there is complete equality. The husband cannot refuse his wife, claiming that he has greater authority than she does. To the contrary, the wife has just as much authority over her husband’s body as he has over hers.
If you’re wondering how serious Paul was about this, just look at the first six words of verse 5. He wrote, Defraud ye not one the other. This is an extremely powerful statement. The word translated defraud (ἀποστερεῖτε) literally means to rob or steal. Paul used the same word in verses 7 and 8 of the previous chapter: Why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded? Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren. A refusal to satisfy the needs of one’s spouse is robbing that spouse of what is rightfully his or hers. It is theft. According to Exodus 21:10, habitually depriving a wife of the duty of marriage is grounds for divorce.
Sex within marriage should never be looked at as something the Bible tolerates, as if it were unfit for the saints of God. It’s not something that the Bible permits under protest. Rather, it’s commanded by God himself. It’s good and right because God says it is, and for no other reason. This means that a marriage without sex is sin.
The interesting thing about the first six words of verse 5, though, is that the Greek strongly suggests that there were couples in the church that were depriving each other of their natural rights. Perhaps they were over-reacting to the licentiousness of Corinthian culture. Maybe they entertained a wrongheaded notion that the sole purpose of intimacy is procreation. The reason really doesn’t matter. Paul commanded them to stop robbing each other. And on the authority of God’s Word, I say this: if there are any here now who are not fulfilling their marital covenant, you need to stop. Has the Lord Jesus Christ ever stopped fellowshipping with you? Of course not. If marriage is a picture of his relationship with the church, how then can you not fellowship with your marital partner?
Earlier we saw that there was one exception to Paul’s advice regarding celibacy. There’s an exception here as well. Look again at verse 5 with me: Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. In the next verse Paul calls this exception a permission or concession, but not a command.
In order for this exception to work, three conditions have to be met. First, both spouses must mutually agree upon a time of abstinence. Neither one has the right to impose it on the other. Second, it must be for a set time. Each spouse knows his or her limits. The length of the abstinence must be the shortest of the two. And third, the goal must be for both spouses to devote their energies to intense prayer and fasting. Perhaps this suggests that the reason for the temporary abstinence is an unusual or extreme crisis.
Then, once the set time has passed, the married couple must come back together again. Otherwise it opens the door for Satan, a real person who works through other wicked creatures, to propose alternatives, which after an excessive abstinence can look very attractive, even to believers.
In conclusion this evening, I want you to consider verse 7 with me. The apostle Paul wrote that he would like every one of us to be like him, i.e., single.
It’s almost certain that Paul had been married before he became a Christian; otherwise, he couldn’t have been a member of the Sanhedrin and consented to Stephen’s death (Acts 22:20). We have no idea what happened to his wife. Perhaps she died. It’s also possible that she refused to live with him after he turned to the Lord. That’s often the cost of becoming a Christian. It was to the Jews, who considered conversion to Christ a form of abandonment and thus grounds for divorce.
In any case, when Paul wrote to the Corinthians, he was single. His singleness gave him tremendous freedom to travel, to preach and to suffer in the name of Jesus Christ. He didn’t have to worry about providing for a wife or meeting her needs. That worked for him. We might even say that it was perfect for him. If every Christian could devote himself wholly to the direct service of Jesus, just imagine how wonderful that would be! That’s what Paul would have liked.
On the other hand, Paul was also realistic. Most of us — men and women — need companionship, completion and intimacy. As much as we might wish to be free from other responsibilities to serve the Lord, we know that the Lord created us with needs. We can’t get around that. We shouldn’t try to get around it. Why? Because even our needs somehow serve the interests of his kingdom.
Not all of us have the same gifts. Marriage is a gift to most of us. Singleness is a gift for a few. Do you want to know if you have the gift of singleness? I can tell you how to figure that out very easily. You just have to ask yourself one question. That question is, Do you have any sexual desires? If you long for companionship and children, you don’t have the gift of singleness. My advice to you is that when you find a potential spouse who loves the Lord and has the qualities that you believe would complement your character, don’t be bashful about it. It might just be that the Lord put that person there just for you.
You know, the wonderful thing about this is that God is glorified both by marriage and by singleness. He’s never bound by our circumstances. To the contrary, he created us and our circumstances to maximize his glory and fame. And as long as we live according to the precepts of his Word, our lives testify to the greatness of his love and mercy in Jesus Christ. Amen.