I Do
God Wrote Love • Sermon • Submitted
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· 5 viewsThe Ten Commandments say “do not commit adultery” and Jesus added that whoever lusts after someone in their heart has committed adultery. Whether it’s that second look at a scantily clad woman walking down the street, or viewing pornography, or an actual affair, we all know what adultery is. But in this series we’re turning around from looking at what the law prohibits to explore what the law enables. Fidelity, faithfulness, and loving families are the goal of this law. So, what does the Bible tell us about those things?
Notes
Transcript
Big Idea:
Big Idea:
God invites us to love like he does, with covenant faithfulness and steadfast love.
Introduction
Introduction
It was springtime, with the trees budding, the hillsides turning green, and kings making war. Well, other kings were making war. David was sitting back at home while his general headed up the war efforts. All of David’s mighty men and all of the soldiers of Israel were out of town. In fact, 2 Samuel 11:1 says, “all Israel” had gone to war, “but David remained in Jerusalem.”
You already know the story. It’s a story of lust and compromise. She says, “I’m pregnant.” And it becomes a story of schemes and finally murder.
2 Samuel 11:27 says, “the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.”
Why?
God said,
“You shall not commit adultery.
Along with murder, adultery is one of the most effective weapons against loving relationship. It severs ties of love in ways that can only be restored through a miracle of God—a resurrection of sorts.
We like to use euphemisms for adultery: we say someone has “stepped out” on their marriage. We call it “having an affair.” When the former governor of South Carolina committed adultery, his aid said that he was “off hiking the Appalachian trail.”
My preferred words for adultery are infidelity and unfaithfulness because both words imply a promise made and a promise broken. They are the exact opposite of the words used to describe what the marriage vow is intended for—fidelity and faithfulness.
A number of years ago my wife and I stood before God, our family and our friends and we made a covenant with each other. We said, “I do.”
Here’s a traditional Protestant marriage vow:
In the name of God, I, take you, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.
A Celtic wedding vow goes like this:
Ye are Blood of my Blood, and Bone of my Bone. I give ye my Body, that we two might be One. I give ye my Spirit, `til our Life shall be done.
These traditional wedding vows have their origin in the Book of Common Prayer by Thomas Cranmer from around 1549 AD. They are not exactly found in the Bible. There were certainly marriage ceremonies in the Bible, but no author ever gives us the details or words used in these covenants. Instead, the Bible gives us only the example of God and His covenant with His people.
We’re going to look at that covenant in a moment, but before we do, I’d like to remind you that we’re in a series called God Wrote Love which is exploring the Ten Commandments from a new perspective. Rather than defining what it prohibits, we’re exploring what it protects and empowers in our lives. Today, we’re looking at the command to not commit adultery. Many of us can say with certainty that we have not committed adultery. We’re about to turn to Ezekiel 16 and consider the special marriage relationship that God has with His church. Way down at the end of time God points to that relationship and says that we are like the Laodicean church that thought they were all good and didn’t have any needs. The problem with their complacency was that while they hadn’t sold themselves out to have relationships with other gods, they were not in a position to accept the love that God was offering them. As we look at the story in Ezekiel 16 and then go to Ephesians 5, I’d like you to look at your life with Christ, and your life with your spouse, and ask the question, have I become complacent? Am I missing a depth of relationship that I could have if I would only open myself up to receiving help and nurturing love?
God takes a bride (Ezek 16)
God takes a bride (Ezek 16)
During our engagement Joelle asked me, “why do you love me?” I could think of all kinds of reasons to love her — she’s beautiful, intelligent, kind, creative, etc—but what if she got into an accident and her body was disfigured, or what if she experienced early onset dementia and her mind stopped being as bright? Why would I love her then? All of this was going through my head and I blurted out, “because I choose to.” It probably wasn’t romantic to say that, but it was biblical. Look at the story of God when He chose a bride.
Give her this message from the Sovereign Lord: You are nothing but a Canaanite! Your father was an Amorite and your mother a Hittite. On the day you were born, no one cared about you. Your umbilical cord was not cut, and you were never washed, rubbed with salt, and wrapped in cloth. No one had the slightest interest in you; no one pitied you or cared for you. On the day you were born, you were unwanted, dumped in a field and left to die.
God doesn’t list off a bunch of fantastic characteristics that would draw his eye and make his heart pump harder. He didn’t say things like, “you are so beautiful I can’t take my eyes off you!” No, there’s something deeper going on:
“But I came by and saw you there, helplessly kicking about in your own blood. As you lay there, I said, ‘Live!’ And I helped you to thrive like a plant in the field. You grew up and became a beautiful jewel. Your breasts became full, and your body hair grew, but you were still naked. And when I passed by again, I saw that you were old enough for love. So I wrapped my cloak around you to cover your nakedness and declared my marriage vows. I made a covenant with you, says the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine.
I love the part where there story goes, “As you lay there, I said, ‘Live!’”
In this story God doesn’t lavish his love on someone with natural beauty and poise. He pours out his love on someone who is unwanted and left alone in great need. He loved her because he chose her.
In our marriage vows we say things like, “in sickness and health” and “for better and for worse” because we see this example of God actively loving someone without anything to offer him in return.
When God chose Israel as His bride he chose her for the long haul.
Read the book of Hosea and you’ll find that Israel stepped out on God. They chased after the gods of other nations, and God says that was a form of adultery—infidelity. They violated the covenant relationship they had with God. Isaiah and Jeremiah and Ezekiel are all full of language related to a covenant lawsuit — a divorce of sorts — where God says,
Hear the word of the Lord, O children of Israel, for the Lord has a controversy with the inhabitants of the land. There is no faithfulness or steadfast love, and no knowledge of God in the land; there is swearing, lying, murder, stealing, and committing adultery; they break all bounds, and bloodshed follows bloodshed.
Steadfast Love
Steadfast Love
The thing that God says is absent in Israel — steadfast love — is one of the characteristics that he claims is one of the most basic aspects of His character:
The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness,
One of the Psalm writers knew this characteristic of God and so he wrote a whole song about it.
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to him who alone does mighty miracles.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to him who made the heavens so skillfully.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to him who placed the earth among the waters.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to him who made the heavenly lights—
His faithful love endures forever.
the sun to rule the day,
His faithful love endures forever.
and the moon and stars to rule the night.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to him who killed the firstborn of Egypt.
His faithful love endures forever.
He brought Israel out of Egypt.
His faithful love endures forever.
He acted with a strong hand and powerful arm.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to him who parted the Red Sea.
His faithful love endures forever.
He led Israel safely through,
His faithful love endures forever.
but he hurled Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to him who led his people through the wilderness.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to him who struck down mighty kings.
His faithful love endures forever.
He killed powerful kings—
His faithful love endures forever.
Sihon king of the Amorites,
His faithful love endures forever.
and Og king of Bashan.
His faithful love endures forever.
God gave the land of these kings as an inheritance—
His faithful love endures forever.
a special possession to his servant Israel.
His faithful love endures forever.
He remembered us in our weakness.
His faithful love endures forever.
He saved us from our enemies.
His faithful love endures forever.
He gives food to every living thing.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His faithful love endures forever.
This song captures the concept of enduring love. It’s a love that will break the bonds, part the sea, give up treasure, provide for and nurture. It’s a love that will not give up.
One Flesh
One Flesh
It is this kind of enduring love that God designed us for and the reason that Adam said,
Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Open up your Bibles to Ephesians 5 and lets spend a little time in the last 10 or so verses.
Ephesians 4, 5 and 6 are Paul’s version of my God Wrote Love series. He’s contrasting disobedience to the law and what the law really intends for us to do. He contrasts “walking in darkness” like the gentiles do with what he calls walking in love. Towards the end of chapter 4 Paul tells us
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
In these three chapters Paul goes back and forth between the works of darkness and the works of light. Among other things he says that the works of darkness include crude joking, sexual immorality, and covetousness—all of which come from the spirit of adultery. He says,
Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light
and
Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.
Expose is an interesting word.
What does it mean to expose?
Back in the garden of eden, Adam and Eve were exposed. They were naked but they didn’t have anything to be ashamed of. When Paul talks about these works of darkness these are things people do in secret because they are shameful and evil. In verse 12 he says,
For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret.
Then in verse 13 he tells us the result of exposing these things:
But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
This is what it means to expose something. It’s not a shameful revelation, but turning on the light of Christ. When we expose the works of darkness to the light of Jesus and HIs law of love, these dark works are driven away and the result is something beautiful. That’s what Paul talks about next in verses 28 and following.
In 18 he ends the “don’t do this” section with an instead, “be filled with the spirit” statement, and then he goes on to describe the result of having the spirit—the light—living in you:
submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
In the context of a covenant relationship like the one Christ has made with us, Paul tells us to submit to one another. This is the naked but not ashamed experience of Adam and Eve—a mutual submission, or exposing oneself to the other. In a moment Paul is going to say to submit “in all things.” In other words, the unity God designs for marriage is complete—with no barriers or boundaries.
Let’s read Paul’s explanation of what it means to submit ourselves to each other. He starts with the wife’s side of the covenant:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
In order to understand this verse we need to shed the culturally tainted definitions that quickly jump to our minds. We read “submit,” and an image of a timid and obedient wife come to mind. These are images of codependence, not a picture of biblical unity. Also, we read the word “head” and think of a dominant personality who bosses others around. This is also not a biblical picture of leadership. Marriages that interpret this passage in that way tend to be unholy relationships where narcissism, bondage and evil take root.
To really understand Paul’s instruction to submit we need look back to the story of Ezekiel 16 where God sees a helpless baby and chooses to love it. What a wonderful life Israel would have had if they had only surrendered to the tender care of God. But they chose not to submit to the covenant God had invited them into. Instead, they were unfaithful and ran after other lovers to try to satisfy their lusts. God intended their best good, but they decided to go out and take what was good in their own eyes.
To submit to your husband in everything is not to disengage your mind or subject yourself to every whim of a sinful man, but to surrender your money, your time, your passion, and your dreams to this marriage relationship that you have chosen. And not just to any relationship, but to a covenant of mutual submission.
It is very difficult to have this kind of mutual submission in a relationship that isn’t on the same page spiritually. That’s why Paul tells Christians to “take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness” or in another place he says the same idea this way,
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
The in 2 Corinthians he uses the word yoke, but back Ephesians 5 he uses a word that requires your choice—submit. This is not a coercive manipulation that the woman is forced to endure, but a tender, nurturing love that she is invited to voluntarily submit to.
Paul qualifies this submission by saying, “as to the Lord”, and “as to Christ.” He’s not saying, “submit to your husband as though He is the Lord.” Rather he is asking you to submit to your husband in the same way that you and he both should be submitting to Christ. It’s a respectful response to a tender, selfless love.
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ass
You husbands, if you think your wife is suppose to be your servant, then you’ve got another thing coming because the next verses are all about REAL biblical headship.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
This is Paul’s explanation of “submitting to one another.” The wife surrenders her self in everything to the marriage covenant, and so does the husband. In fact, the husband is called to be the head of the home in the same was Christ is the head of the church and gave the ultimate sacrifice to bring healing and hope and wholeness.
Think back to the Ezekiel 16 where God saw this newborn child in the field—helpless, without hope, destined for death. It’s that picture that Paul wants you to have in your mind when he says to “love your wives as Christ loved the church...” The purpose of Christ’s love was to “sanctify and cleanse” the church. Christ’s model was acts of kindness and love towards an individual who could not repay them. That metaphor of a helpless baby in a field is a perfect description of you and me. The Bible says we are dead in our sins but Christ has made us a live.
He saw us in our brokenness and said to us, “live!”
This is the true result of the love of a husband. It is a selfless, thoughtful, empowering, ennobling love that builds the wife up, and draws her out. It’s a love that brings life and vitality and wholeness. And its a love that draws her to Jesus.
The point of Christ’s love and the point of mutually submitting to each other in our marriages is to present each other to God “without spot or blemish.” While Christ’s love covers our sins because he takes our place, the love of our spouses dispels the darkness and causes the light of Christ’s love to shine into our hearts.
Conclusion
Conclusion
Paul goes on to quote Genesis 2 in Ephesians 5:31-33:
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Paul calls this a profound mystery. And yet, one that we can experience.
I’d like to challenge you to take Ephesians 4 and 5 and study these chapters in your devotional time. Ask God what attitudes and behaviors in your heart and in your marriage are bringing darkness and shame and division. And then commit to “walking in love” and letting the light of Christ’s love shine through you.
Forgiving
Being honest
Letting go of bitterness and anger
Ceasing to speak maliciously toward your spouse
Being kind and tender
I don’t know the darkness that you have in your hearts—the areas of your life that you would be ashamed of if they were exposed—but I do know they need to be exposed. They need to have the light of truth and honesty and love shone right at those works of darkness.
Anything that comes between you and united, shameless, naked love for your spouse is a form of infidelity.
Maybe it’s a love of your work. A love that prevents you from submitting yourself to your spouse.
Maybe it’s lust that draws your eyes and your heart away from the intimacy of marriage.
Maybe it’s another person who you’ve let yourself develop an emotional bond with.
Maybe it’s a false sense of leadership that has caused you to love yourself more than your spouse.
Maybe it’s simply laziness that prevents you from stepping up to love your spouse in self-sacrificing ways.
Whatever darkness is in your life and marriage, face it. Own up to it. And by the grace of God, get it out of your life. Don’t be like the Israelites who prostituted themselves to other intimate relationships apart from God. Instead, submit yourselves to honor and prefer the spouse that you have chosen and made a covenant with.
When both partners do this, the result will be growth and life and companionship and joy. You will thrive together. And you will deepen your walk with Jesus, together.
There are five words that summarize our message today. Take them home with you and say them to your spouse often:
I… choose… you! I do.
I… choose… you! I do.
The story of this command to not commit adultery Is bigger than marriage. Some of you have been wondering when I’m going to talk to the unmarried People in the audience. Whether you have yet to be married or have been married before and experienced divorce or the death of a spouse, this message is still for you. Every command we have looked at so far has the gospel story right in the middle of it, and this command does too. God is inviting us to covenant faithfulness and fidelity to him as our Lord, and He is promising his enduring love and fidelity to us.
Do you ever feel like that newborn baby in Ezekiel 16, cast away in the field to die? Dirty, rejected, hopeless, and helpless? The good news is that Christ sees you just as you are, and He gave His life in exchange for yours. He loves you in all your filthiness and brokenness. And even now he is going about to create the environment for nurture and growth and a good life.
Maybe you’ve already been on the path of growth in Christ for some time, and like that young woman in Ezekiel 16, you’ve matured to the point that you are capable and ready to make a decision to accept God as your God and make a covenant through Baptism. If that is you, God says to you,
again he appoints a certain day, “Today,” saying through David so long afterward, in the words already quoted,
“Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts.”
Or maybe you’ve been in that covenant relationship with God for some time, but like the Laodicean church, you’ve become complacent in your walk with God. You haven’t left Him—He’s still your God—but you’re just going through the motions of church and prayer, feeling like you’re pretty good with God. God says to you that He wishes that you were either Hot—sumbitted to His loving care—or Cold—in the throws of spiritual adultery. This complacency is just as deadly to a thriving relationship as adultery is, but it’s arguably more dangerous because we think everything is fine. If you feel this complacency in your spiritual life, then God says this,
Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.
All we have to do is submit—open the door to God’s love. As soon as we do, we’re going to experience the warmth and intimacy of communion with God.
Don’t turn away in unfaithfulness, and don’t be satisfied In complacency, but submit yourself to His enduring love. Let him nurture you, and guide you, and teach you.
God is saying to you,
I choose you! I do.
I choose you! I do.