Sermon Tone Analysis

Ephesians 6:4-6:4 \\ \\ 10 You know stuff about tanks.

\\ 9 You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

\\ 8 If someone forgets to invite you to something he can still be your friend.

\\ 7 You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

\\ 6 If another guy shows up at the same party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.

\\ 5 One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

\\ 4 There is always a game on somewhere.

\\ 3 Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, “So…notice anything different?”

\\ 2 If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

\\ 1 You can do your nails with a pocketknife.

We need to come back to a biblical theology of fatherhood.

God very clearly says that dads are to be difference-makers by leading and loving their wives and kids.

Fellow fathers, it’s my prayer that through our study of God’s Word together that we might experience a great awakening ­ in both our person and in our parenting!

\\ \\ Cultural Background \\ Our primary passage is a short one ­ but it packs a wallop!

Please turn in your Bibles to Ephesians 6:4: “And you Fathers, do not provoke your children to wraqth, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

Before we unpack this verse, I want to begin by giving some background.

In the first century, when this passage was written, families were presided over by fathers who could do whatever they pleased in their homes.

\\ \\ Rome had a law called patria potestas, which meant “the father’s power.”

Men who were Roman citizens were given absolute property rights over their families.

By law, the children and the wife were regarded as the patriarch’s personal chattel, and he could do with them what he wished.

A displeased father could disown his children, sell them into slavery, or even kill them if he wished.

\\ \\ When a child was born, the baby was placed between the father’s feet.

If the father picked up the baby, the child stayed in the home.

If he turned and walked away, the child was either left to die or sold at auction.

Seneca, a contemporary of the apostle Paul, described Roman policy with regard to unwanted animals: “We slaughter a fierce ox; we strangle a mad dog; we plunge a knife into a sick cow.

Children born weak or deformed we drown.”

\\ \\ Friends, things are not much better today, are they?

Millions of unwanted babies are aborted each year.

Children have become a disposable commodity in our society, just as they were in ancient Rome.

\\ \\ The Bible calls Christian fathers to a different standard.

Just as it was revolutionary for dads to lovingly lead their kids in the first century, faithful fathers today who do not exasperate their kids are counter-cultural.

Our kids are not property to own but image bearers of God who need to be managed and trained.

Dads, we are called to provide a proper nurturing environment where our kids can grow up to love and serve Christ.

Our primary responsibilities by which our fathering will be judged are set forth in Ephesians 6:4.

\\ Old Paradigm: Provide/Protect!

\\ I want you to notice the very first word of this verse: “Fathers.”

I think Paul addresses just dads here because he knows that we especially need to hear this.

He doesn’t say “parents” or “moms and dads.”

He uses the word, “Fathers.”

Most of us dads are sloppy in our fathering, not giving much thought to what we’re called to do.

This verse brings us up short by calling us to some pretty high standards.

\\ \\ In essence, Paul is challenging us to see the word “fathers” as a verb not just a noun.

It’s biologically easy to become a father, but biblically challenging to actually “father” our children.

The Bible very clearly challenges dads to become the point men in their homes because the ultimate responsibility for what a family becomes is the father’s.

In this passage, we’re given 4 “Dad Duties.”

One duty is something we should not do; the other three are what we are to do.

\\ \\ A. ­ Avoid Exasperation \\ \\ The first duty is negative ­ we are told to “not exasperate our children.”

This is a caution or warning designed to put us on guard against stirring up anger in our kids either deliberately or through careless provocations.

I think Paul started with a negative command because he knows that fathers, who are fallen creatures, are prone to abuse their authority in the home.

\\ \\ The Greek word translated “exasperate” means “to rouse to anger” or “to enrage.”

The present tense of the verb indicates that we are to stop doing something that is common and continuous.

This warning is calling us dads to avoid anything that will eventually break the sprit of our children.

Paul puts it this way in Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

When we exasperate our kids, they can become bitter and bummed out.

\\ \\ While there are times when kids become sinfully angry due to their own selfishness or immaturity, there are other times when dads are guilty of aggravating their kids.

We can do that by deliberately goading them, by callously neglecting them or by any number of other intentional or careless means that exasperate them.

When that happens, it is we dads who are sinning ­ and provoking our children to sin as well.

\\ \\ 1. Overprotection.

\\ You can anger your kids by fencing them in too much.

\\ Laban, an Old Testament dad, was an overprotective and domineering parent.

He dealt dishonestly with Jacob in order to get him to marry Leah, his eldest daughter, even though Jacob loved Rachel, the younger one.

In exchange for a promise to work for Laban for 7 years, Jacob was allowed to marry Rachel as well.

His controlling parenting cost his own daughters a healthy marriage.

\\ \\ Ironically, despite Laban’s overprotective interfering, the daughters’ assessment was that their father did not really care for them.

Listen to what they say about their dad in Genesis 31:15: “Are we not considered strangers by him?

For he has sold us, and also completely consumed our money.”

What their dad had thought of as an expression of parental protection came across as evidence that he did not really love them.

\\ \\ 2. Overindulgence.

\\ The flip side of overprotection is overindulgence.

Excessively permissive parents are as likely to stir their children’s wrath as much as those who stifle them.

Studies prove that children given too much freedom begin to feel insecure and unloved.

Because our society has fostered increasingly permissive attitudes toward children, we are now reaping the harvest of a whole generation of angry young people.

\\ \\ 3. Favoritism.

\\ A third way to exasperate kids is by showing favoritism.

Isaac favored Esau over Jacob, and Rebecca preferred Jacob over Esau.

That family experienced terrible agony and two brothers became bitter rivals.

If you want to destroy your child, just make him feel inferior to everyone else in the family.

\\ \\ 4. Unrealistic Goals.

\\ Dads, we can provoke our kids to wrath by constantly pushing achievement. 1 Thessalonians 2:11 shows us Paul’s fatherly concern for the church: “We exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children.”

Fathers, while it’s true that we’re called to exhort and charge our children, we’re also to comfort them.

\\ \\ 5. Discouragement.

\\ As Colossians 3:21 challenges us, we are not to provoke our children to anger or they will become discouraged.

Dads, let’s cut down on criticism and sarcasm in the home.

Let’s look for ways to celebrate and applaud.

Let’s give our approval spontaneously so our kids don’t have to earn it ­ or look for it in the arms of a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Let’s catch our kids doing things right instead of lashing out at them for what they do wrong.

\\ \\ Here’s a simple rule of thumb: For every time you have to point out something that your kids do wrong, try to equalize it with a word of encouragement.

\\ \\ Haim Ginott wrote this: “A child learns what he lives.

If he lives with criticism he does not learn responsibility.

He learns to condemn himself and to find fault with others.

He learns to doubt his own judgment, to disparage his own ability, and to distrust others.

And above all, he learns to live with the continual expectation of impending doom."

6. Neglect.

\\ Another way to exasperate your children is by neglecting them.

When we fail to show affection and act indifferently toward our kids, we can cause them to burn with anger.

We can neglect our kids by never being home; or we can do it by being home but not involved in their lives.

\\ \\ 7. Excessive Discipline.

\\ Too much punishment is another sure way to provoke a child to anger.

Dads, don’t ride your kids constantly.

The father who throws his weight around ­ whether physically or verbally ­ can be devastating to a child’s spirit.