4.8.35 7.26.2020 David: How to Be a Friend

Men and women make friends somewhat differently. One is not right and the other wrong. Each sex makes friends, cultivates friends, and keeps them differently.

Engage: We meet Jonathon the soldier in 1 Sam 13...

1 Samuel 13:2–3 ESV

2 Saul chose three thousand men of Israel. Two thousand were with Saul in Michmash and the hill country of Bethel, and a thousand were with Jonathan in Gibeah of Benjamin. The rest of the people he sent home, every man to his tent. 3 Jonathan defeated the garrison of the Philistines that was at Geba, and the Philistines heard of it. And Saul blew the trumpet throughout all the land, saying, “Let the Hebrews hear.”

Like David he was successful. Like David he got caught up in Saul's rash behavior and murderous rage.

Expand: The friendship between David and Jonathon is detailed in several chapters.

1 Samuel 18:1–4 ESV

1 As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 2 And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father’s house. 3 Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. 4 And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt.

Jonathon would normally have been thought of as the heir apparent. Clearly Saul thought that was the case, projecting his own jealous rage upon Jonathon-thinking that his son did not protect his own claims to the throne vigorously enough. Jonathon, like David, understood that it wasn’t really his throne. It was God’s and God had chosen David to succeed Saul.

1 Samuel 19:1–7 ESV

1 And Saul spoke to Jonathan his son and to all his servants, that they should kill David. But Jonathan, Saul’s son, delighted much in David. 2 And Jonathan told David, “Saul my father seeks to kill you. Therefore be on your guard in the morning. Stay in a secret place and hide yourself. 3 And I will go out and stand beside my father in the field where you are, and I will speak to my father about you. And if I learn anything I will tell you.” 4 And Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, “Let not the king sin against his servant David, because he has not sinned against you, and because his deeds have brought good to you. 5 For he took his life in his hand and he struck down the Philistine, and the Lord worked a great salvation for all Israel. You saw it, and rejoiced. Why then will you sin against innocent blood by killing David without cause?” 6 And Saul listened to the voice of Jonathan. Saul swore, “As the Lord lives, he shall not be put to death.” 7 And Jonathan called David, and Jonathan reported to him all these things. And Jonathan brought David to Saul, and he was in his presence as before.

Excite: Their friendship flourished despite Saul’s ongoing unstable behavior.

1 Samuel 20:1–17 ESV

1 Then David fled from Naioth in Ramah and came and said before Jonathan, “What have I done? What is my guilt? And what is my sin before your father, that he seeks my life?” 2 And he said to him, “Far from it! You shall not die. Behold, my father does nothing either great or small without disclosing it to me. And why should my father hide this from me? It is not so.” 3 But David vowed again, saying, “Your father knows well that I have found favor in your eyes, and he thinks, ‘Do not let Jonathan know this, lest he be grieved.’ But truly, as the Lord lives and as your soul lives, there is but a step between me and death.” 4 Then Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you say, I will do for you.” 5 David said to Jonathan, “Behold, tomorrow is the new moon, and I should not fail to sit at table with the king. But let me go, that I may hide myself in the field till the third day at evening. 6 If your father misses me at all, then say, ‘David earnestly asked leave of me to run to Bethlehem his city, for there is a yearly sacrifice there for all the clan.’ 7 If he says, ‘Good!’ it will be well with your servant, but if he is angry, then know that harm is determined by him. 8 Therefore deal kindly with your servant, for you have brought your servant into a covenant of the Lord with you. But if there is guilt in me, kill me yourself, for why should you bring me to your father?” 9 And Jonathan said, “Far be it from you! If I knew that it was determined by my father that harm should come to you, would I not tell you?” 10 Then David said to Jonathan, “Who will tell me if your father answers you roughly?” 11 And Jonathan said to David, “Come, let us go out into the field.” So they both went out into the field. 12 And Jonathan said to David, “The Lord, the God of Israel, be witness! When I have sounded out my father, about this time tomorrow, or the third day, behold, if he is well disposed toward David, shall I not then send and disclose it to you? 13 But should it please my father to do you harm, the Lord do so to Jonathan and more also if I do not disclose it to you and send you away, that you may go in safety. May the Lord be with you, as he has been with my father. 14 If I am still alive, show me the steadfast love of the Lord, that I may not die; 15 and do not cut off your steadfast love from my house forever, when the Lord cuts off every one of the enemies of David from the face of the earth.” 16 And Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the Lord take vengeance on David’s enemies.” 17 And Jonathan made David swear again by his love for him, for he loved him as he loved his own soul.

I have friends like that. We have shared education, growth in ministry. Family ups and downs. Yeah…even a few crazies (none as thorough as Saul’s, however) The tale of these friends is desperately important in the Social-Media Age. Tick-tock, facebook, text-message delude us into thinking we are developing deep relationships. When we share without risk and when our sole motivation is to be liked the chances are that what other's are liking is not the authentic you.

Ultimately transformative friendship changes, grows, and expands as the circumstances of life change.

1 Samuel 20:35–42 ESV

35 In the morning Jonathan went out into the field to the appointment with David, and with him a little boy. 36 And he said to his boy, “Run and find the arrows that I shoot.” As the boy ran, he shot an arrow beyond him. 37 And when the boy came to the place of the arrow that Jonathan had shot, Jonathan called after the boy and said, “Is not the arrow beyond you?” 38 And Jonathan called after the boy, “Hurry! Be quick! Do not stay!” So Jonathan’s boy gathered up the arrows and came to his master. 39 But the boy knew nothing. Only Jonathan and David knew the matter. 40 And Jonathan gave his weapons to his boy and said to him, “Go and carry them to the city.” 41 And as soon as the boy had gone, David rose from beside the stone heap and fell on his face to the ground and bowed three times. And they kissed one another and wept with one another, David weeping the most. 42 Then Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring, forever.’ ” And he rose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city.

Explore:

Deep, transformative friendships are challenging.

Explain: Jonathon and David model this for us. They remind us that sharing is never selfishv and it can be risky. Jonathon and David help define what it means to share a God-honoring deep friendship.

1. Shared Experience

WE spend way too much time focusing on the uniqueness of human experience and not merely enough celebrating the commonality of human experience.

1.1 Both were Soldiers.

1.2 Each Served Saul.

1.3 They had felt Saul’s rash anger.

2. Shared Faith.

2.1 Trust

(God's unfolding purpose from Bible to life)

2.2. Devotion

(Worshipping, Obeying, Growing)

2.3 Purpose

(God's desire for the community and individual)

3. Shared Vision

3.1 God’s Honor.

3.2 God’s Covenant.

Shut Down:

They were friends...closer than brothers

They challenged one another without competing.

They tried to solve problems rather than be subsumed by them.

They did not allow the anger of others to effect their attitude towards each other.

You needs friends like that. We all do. To be a "friend forever" begins with you.

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