It’s difficult to speak words to others when you don’t have them for yourself
I prayed for my mom every day, literally I had a reminder on my phone to do it.
As I would pray I would meditate on her life, how common it is to remember the negative but the positive is hilarious to me.
I remember one time there was a movie that came out and she promised to take me, I had been at home all day thinking about it and she came home from work and I made sure to bug her until she finally took me that evening. The movie was about gorillas that were protecting this massive diamonds in the Congo. While I watched my mom was knocked out, snoring loud enough to fill up the entire theater, I was so embarrassed but looking back I remember fondly of her commitment to her word.
My mom had her demons for sure, some of them robbed us of moments but they never robbed us of love.
I have often contemplated that love and how insurmountable it is. No matter how much trouble I got in as a kid mama was always there to defend me, provide for me, think the best of me.
She thought I was superman and she instilled in me a drive and aggression that gave me strength to overcome so much in life.
I realize now as a parent that what she deprived herself of she abundantly gave to me…love.
My mom had a lot of pain and where ever pain is it usually takes up space where love should be. So with the love she had, where pain hadn’t conquered, she used it to pour out on others. That’s amazing strength to me.
I don’t know my mom’s spiritual state and I’d be remiss to say that doesn’t bother me. However, one of the things that strikes me is that no matter what that state may have been God used her to show me His love.
What I find interesting in that is that she was the only vessle on thi s planet that could have accomplished that toward me.
She was the only one that could have held back the tidal wave of her past, fought off the legacy that she fled, and secured me in an environment to grow. And although it wasn’t perfect, she laid down her life for me.
In spite of it all she showed me how to love…to love deep…to love when it hurts…to love when you don’t know how to do it perfectly but to not do it isn’t even an option.
When I think about the man that I am today I have her to thank for that. It’s that love that I will remember…for a preacher of many words I find myself speaking a lot less these days and listening a lot more.
And when I listen…when I watch…it’s that love that I see that transcends all.
It transcended her pain…her fears…her faults.
It’s the love that I have only found in one other place and that’s Jesus.
And I need it now because I am in pain…I have fears…and I have faults....but if there’s been anything that my mama has shown me. It’s that love conquers all....
Love breaks through boundaries, through abuses, through wounds and failures.
Somehow through all of the pain that screamed in her heart she still heard the voice of love
If there ever was a message that was worth saying in a times like we face today it’s that while pain may rant and rave in your life, love is always present waiting to be heard…will you listen to it?
Will you hear it when you see your loved one, when you see the stranger on the street, when you behold someone else in pain?
Do you realize that in spite of the pain…Jesus heard love when he went to that cross for you?
Although every fiber of his being was writhing in agony he heard love when he watched all those who professed loyalty flee.
What do you hear today…I pray that in spite of all of my pain…in spite of all of my family’s grieving…that you hear love.
Love calling you to turn to Jesus, to trust in the reality that you need His love to overwhelm your sin.
Love telling you that Jesus rose from the grave for you, conquered this unnatural thing we call death, and that He’s waiting on you.
You see the Bible said it simply but powerful in three small words…God…is....love.