The Christian and Marriage

1 Peter 3:1-7 The Christian and Marriage Introduction: I Started reading a book called: The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert (an English professor’s journey into christian faith). The story is about Rosaria Champagne Butterfield. She was a a feminist, lesbian english Professor, who came to faith in Jesus Christ partly because of a 70 yr old Christian Pastor who lovingly, and graciously walked with her for a 3 yr journey of doubt, criticism, and resistance to the gospel of Jesus Christ; all the while challenging her preconceived prejudices of the scripture and to Jesus. Asking questions like, “how do you know that you are right? How did you arrive at your interpretations? Do you believe in God? Etc. Something that was so attractive to her about this minister and his wife is that they weren’t judging her. They accepted her, though they didn’t approve of her sin. Her view of Christianity was had been: “The lesbian community was accepting and welcoming while the Christian community appeared (and too often is) exclusive, judgmental, scornful, and afraid of diversity.” Also she says, “Christians always seemed like bad thinkers to me. It seemed that they could maintain their worldview only because they were sheltered from the world’s real problems, like the material structures of poverty and violence and racism.” But her new found Christian friends were not this way. They had thought long and hard about these issues like her and wrestled with God’s word to have an answer.... What Rosaria came to see is that her feminism and he lesbianism was a case of mistaken identity and misplaced affection. This pastor should be an example to all of us, he was a christian that did not allow someone else’s extremely strong world view keep him from loving her, listening to her, and graciously answering her questions, and posing new ones to her. I think that this is the exact model that Peter is encouraging us to follow. We are to live in the world, to be in the culture, we are to rub elbows and dialogue with people in every walk of life, and we are to show by our character and by our good works, by our understanding of God’s plan and his grace that everyone is a case of mistaken identity, and misplaced affection, and we are to show to point to the fact that each person can only find peace and rest in the person of Jesus Christ. That is why this section of 1 Peter is so vital for all Christians (not just married people), to understand where the chauvinist is coming from, where the feminist is coming from, the mistakes that the church and society have made, and the mistakes we have made. Meeting with them where they are politically, spiritually, mentally, physically, sexually...We need to clear these things up for ourselves, but not only for us, but so we can clearly share the gospel with individuals who have a wrong view of the teachings of the Bible, those who have wrongly reacted to the Bible because of preconceived ideas...it is our call that our ordered lives would confess the beauty of his peace, and the freedom that we have in Christ Jesus. Marriage is a hotly debated issue in our day. We often talk about the attack on marriage today from the forces of secular humanism, which is true in regard to marriage as an institution, but the more immediate problems in marriage have little or nothing to do with secular humanism, but much more to do with the indifference, neglect, un-forgiveness, abuse and infidelity going on right in the hearts and homes of Christian couples, many of whom go to church regularly, but beyond that refuse to apply God’s word to themselves practically. In our society any idea of roles or submission or self sacrifice seem to imply inequality or inferiority. The Biblical teaching on roles in the marriage relationship has suffered much from the abuse of Chauvinism as much as through the reaction of feminism. As a result we see the Bible as totally outdated or else completely chauvinistic in its view on marriage, and roles of men and women. 1. A History of Male Dominance and Chauvinism a. Because of the dominance of men in the Church and the Patriarchal-hierarchical nature of culture in the greater part of the world, we must admit the great abuses have taken place and have led many to see in this passage some kind of moral subjugation of women by men. While I do not pretend that submission did not mean some kind of respectful deference to authority, neither can we go to the other extreme and think that this text says nothing about the relationship of wives to husbands. b. Peter’s context: i. Achtemeier summarizes well the view of women held by the Greco-Roman world: “Dominant among the elite was the notion that the woman was by nature inferior to the man. Because she lacked the capacity for reason that the male had, she was ruled rather by her emotions, and was as a result given to poor judgment, immorality, intemperance, wickedness, avarice; she was untrustworthy, contentious, and as a result, it was her place to obey.” ii. Also Jewish beliefs and practices about women - not the teaching of the Old Testament, weren’t much better. 1. First of all whatever abuses we get from these text are because we have brought a viewpoint to the text that is not biblical. No where does Peter or the rest of the NT teach that women are inferior to men, or that they are intellectually substandard, or that they are more prone to wickedness. a. Example: “I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.” i. Some would say that women are not to hold the place of Elder in the church because she was deceived... Therefore implying that woman are less perceptive and easily deceived....less than or inferior. b. Peter emphasizes that wives are co-heirs with their husbands of eternal life, implying the fundamental equality of men and women. c. Paul teaches the equality of the sexes in Galatians 3:28 “There is neither Jew nor greek, nor slave nor free, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” d. Therefore, the New Testament was countercultural in it’s teaching. Indeed, Jesus’ treatment of women was revolutionary in that he treated them with dignity and respect, and hence his stance toward women was the model for the early church. 2. Biblical Submission in Marriage a. Look at where this text lies within the context of Peter. i. In 1 Peter 2:13-17, Peter admonishes us all to be subject, for the Lord’s sake, to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as set by him. In other words, keep the speed limits, pay your taxes, and be respectful toward policemen and senators, etc. ii. Then in 2:18-25, Peter addresses the household servants in the church and admonishes them to be submissive to their masters with all respect, both to the kind and to the unjust. iii. Then, in 3:1–6, Peter instructs the wives to be submissive to their husbands, including the husbands who are unbelieving. This is the part we are focusing on. iv. Then, in verse 7, he instructs husbands to live considerately with their wives as fellow heirs of the grace of life. v. Finally, in 3:8-12, Peter tells the whole church to have unity and sympathy, brotherly love and tenderheartedness and humility toward one another, and not to return evil for evil. vi. In other words, submit to each other and serve each other. So, also we see in Ephesians 5, submission is a wider Christian virtue for all of us to pursue, and it has its unique and fitting expressions in various relationships. Today we are focusing on the relationship of a wife to her husband. What does submission look like there? b. Submission is Biblical i. “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands.” ii. Some like to say that this teaching from 1 Peter is based upon Peter’s context alone, and submission is taught as a missionary effort (to win the husbands to faith). The problem with that is Paul also teaches the submission of the wife to the husband and roots it’s basis upon Christ and the Church. Making it a theological issue and not just a missional attempt. iii. “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” c. Why does the wife submit? 1. Both Paul and Peter say, the wife’s submission is done out of reverence or honor for the Lord. 2. The wife honors the Lord by honoring his word. Genesis 2 clearly teaches that the man was made first. The creation order is important to our understanding of marriage. 3. “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” “For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.” - 1 Corinthians 11:3,8-9 a. Man and woman are made in the image of the Trinitarian Godhead - where there is perfect equality, yet submission in roles. 4. Not only is the man (Adam)created first but he is also given his job/commission from God, apart from the woman. 5. The woman is later created out of the man (literally comes from his side) to help the man as they rule over God’s creation together. 6. Also we clearly from Ephesians 5 that marriage is also a picture of Christ and the Church. Christ loves the church, he gave himself for his church and he shepherds over his church, he is called the head. The Church submits to Christ by willingly following and obeying his word. a. "Wives do not submit in order to satisfy a husband's vanity or to promote his reputation. Neither do they submit to show how godly they are, nor to avoid conflict, nor to impress neighbors, nor to manipulate their husbands, and not even because she thinks she is wise. She submits because of her relationship with and trust in God" -Slaughter d. How does the wife submit? 1. Submission does not mean agreeing with everything your husband says. 2. Submission does not mean leaving your brain or your will at the wedding altar. 3. Submission does not mean avoiding every effort to change a husband. 4. Submission does not mean putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ. 5. Submission does not mean that a wife gets her personal, spiritual strength primarily through her husband. 6. Finally submission does not mean that a wife is to act out of fear. 7. “Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts. It’s the disposition to follow a husband’s authority and an inclination to yield to his leadership. It is an attitude that says, “I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don’t flourish in the relationship when you are passive and I have to make sure the family works.” -Piper e. What about the Husbands? i. The husbands role is to graciously, understandingly love his wife in a self sacrificial way - always seeking her benefit above his own. ii. His example is Christ love for the church. -Christ gave himself!! 1. Husbands you don’t get to judge whether you are doing this or not, your wife does. 3. Biblical Marriage is Complimentary. a. We the Church should recognize that both chauvinism and feminism are extremes that ought to be avoided in the church and society. b. The Bible does not teach chauvinism, nor does it teach feminism. The Biblical teaching is that men and women are equal, yet with distinct callings and functions that compliment each other within the marriage relationship. c. Equal - made of the same stuff. d. Taken from his side, same flesh, same bone, but different sex. e. She is a helper fit for him in contrast to the animals just named by the man. f. A helper is one who supplies strength in the area that is lacking in “the helped.” The term does not imply that the helper is either stronger or weaker than the one helped. g. “Fit for him” or “matching him” is not the same as “like him”: a wife is not her husband's clone but complements him. h. The Biblical model for marriage is that of loving complementarity, where the husband and the wife are partners who value and respect each other and where the husband’s loving leadership is met with the wife’s willing submissive intelligent response. Conclusion: Both husband and wife have the opportunity to be like Jesus... Husbands love and lead their wives like Jesus does the Church. Wives willingly submit to their husbands like Jesus does the Father. Both are called to follow Christ example. This is the Bible’s view of submission -it works, it’s beautiful, it’s true and it’s liberating! Let us, by God’s grace, properly represent his character and his plan for marriage through our words and actions