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DTR

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Introduction- Nikki and my Define The Relationship Moment

Illustration: Jagged Edges 2000 Hit Song “Let’s Get Married
See first of all I know these so-called playas wouldn't tell you this But I'ma be real and say what's on my heart Let's take this chance and make this love feel relevant Didn't you know I loved you from the start, yeah
When I think about all these years we put in this relationship Who knew we'd make it this far? When I think about where we would I be if we were to just fall apart And I just can't stand the thought of leaving you
Meet me in the altar in your white dress We ain't getting no younger, we might as well do it Been feeling all the while girl I must confess Girl let's just get married I just wanna get married
That’s what you call a DTR moment
a let’s Define The Relationship moment
Old fashioned courtship
and the day Nikki’s Grandmother and brother asked me to define the relationship
But our current cultures attitude or disposition towards the institution of marriage summed up in Bruno Mars song “Marry You”.
Illustration: Loneliness of Singleness Vs. Boredom of Marriage
Chris Rock asks them question: Do you want to be Single & lonely or married and bored?
Many young adults believe these are the only options.
So some aim for something in the middle (a compromise): between marriage and mere sexual encounters. Cohabitation with a sexual partner.

Transition To Body

Body- Important Steps To DTR

Important Steps To DTR

First the, Mutuality of the Marriage Relationship- vv1-5

Introduce with the question they asked & us getting saved and thinking we so Holy that sex somehow dirties us up (in our marriage).
Have= possess or own as in under one’s control.

You belong to one another

You have authority (power) over one another

You have a duty to one another (obligation to please one another)

You keep one another from being tempted

Deprive= cause one another to suffer loss.
You can’t be about I got mine, now you get yours!
Get in where you fit in.
Have some mutuality in a marriage relationship
You must figure out what excites your spouse.
And they must do the same for you.
It’s not all about just you and your own intimacy.
Ecclesiastes 4:10–12 ESV
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Eccle“For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” - ESVNext the, Gift of the Marriage Relationship-vv6-9. Concession=permission. Gift (charisma)= special gift of non-material sort, bestowed through God’s generosity to individual Christians. Good=the purpose of someone or something. God has got to give you the gift of marriage. How do you know you have the gift? You don’t have self-control. Go back to Genesis chapter 2 if you want to know how to determine if God is in your selection of your spouse. If you want to determine whether or not God has brought you together. They must be a suitable help mate.And finally the, Charge of the Marriage Relationship- vv10-12, Charge= God given command, instructions, orders hence a Paul uses the LORD. v11- Believing Couples, v12-16- Unbelieving spouses. Note: more detail and explanation and clarification is provided regarding being married to unbelieving spouse prior to your conversion experience. When it comes to marriage, God has some bigger and grander purposes and plans in mind for the kingdom of God. It is not just about you and your own selfish lustful and sexual desires. There is a bigger picture or a bigger call on the marriage relationship. There is something greater at work. There are some over arching concerns and issues that God is seeking to address and remedy in the marriage relationship. There are kingdom matters at stake in the marriage relationship.. Illustrate: Bruno Mars song “marry me “ and the ease of getting a divorce and moving on to somebody else within our society today vs. Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together”

Next the, Gift of the Marriage Relationship-vv6-9

Concession=permission.
Gift (charisma)= special gift of non-material sort, bestowed through God’s generosity to individual Christians.
Good=the purpose of someone or something.
God has got to give you the gift of marriage.
How do you know you have the gift? You don’t have self-control.
Genesis 2:18 ESV
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Genesis 2:22 ESV
22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.
Go back to Genesis chapter 2 if you want to know how to determine if God is in your selection of your spouse. If you want to determine whether or not God has brought you together. They must be a suitable help mate.And finally the, Charge of the Marriage Relationship- vv10-12, Charge= God given command, instructions, orders hence a Paul uses the LORD. v11- Believing Couples, v12-16- Unbelieving spouses. Note: more detail and explanation and clarification is provided regarding being married to unbelieving spouse prior to your conversion experience. When it comes to marriage, God has some bigger and grander purposes and plans in mind for the kingdom of God. It is not just about you and your own selfish lustful and sexual desires. There is a bigger picture or a bigger call on the marriage relationship. There is something greater at work. There are some over arching concerns and issues that God is seeking to address and remedy in the marriage relationship. There are kingdom matters at stake in the marriage relationship.. Illustrate: Bruno Mars song “marry me “ and the ease of getting a divorce and moving on to somebody else within our society today vs. Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together”
Genesis 2:22
if you want to know how to determine if God is in your selection of your spouse. If you want to determine whether or not God has brought you together:
They must be a suitable help mate

And finally the, Charge of the Marriage Relationship- vv10-12

Charge= God given command, instructions, orders hence a Paul uses the LORD.
v11- Believing Couples
v12-16- Unbelieving spouses.
Note: more detail and explanation and clarification is provided regarding being married to unbelieving spouse prior to your conversion experience. When it comes to marriage, God has some bigger and grander purposes and plans in mind for the kingdom of God. It is not just about you and your own selfish lustful and sexual desires.
There is a bigger picture or a bigger call on the marriage relationship.
There is something greater at work.
There are some over arching concerns and issues that God is seeking to address and remedy in the marriage relationship. There are kingdom matters at stake in the marriage relationship..
Illustrate: Bruno Mars song “Marry Me “ and the ease of getting a divorce and moving on to somebody else within our society today vs. Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together”

Both are believers

Separate= to separate by departing from someone, leave, separate oneself.
You can be separated, living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed. You can check out mentally, emotionally, & spiritually.
Reconcile= act of God therefore it reflects Godliness.
Divorce= to dismiss or release someone or something from a place or one’s presence
(Do not let your wife go or dismiss your wife from your presence. Fight for your marriage (not with hands and fists or loud words but with sacrificial love)

Husband or wife is a believer and the other is nonbeliever

Don’t compromise your faith:
Unbelieving= without faith
Consent= be willing to stay married after you have come to believe in Jesus Christ as LORD and savior
Be holy at home:
Holy = set aside something or make it suitable for ritual purposes, consecrate, dedicate
Make a difference in your family- Holy people make a difference
Effect & impact of one saved spouse upon the entire household
Do not give up on your unsaved spouse
One holy husband or wife can make the difference in the entire family getting saved.
Spouse made holy
Children made holy
Enslaved= make someone subservient to one’s interests
Note this text is not saying justifying marrying an unbeliever after your conversion experience and the issues that singles experience in finding a suitable help mate
(remind them of:
“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."
And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.”
, ESV
https://www.bible.com/59/gen.2.18,22.esv
)
Do not be unequally yoked? What does this mean?
2 Corinthians 6:14–18 ESV
14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17 Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, 18 and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
2
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, "I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty."”
ESV
https://www.bible.com/59/2co.6.14-18.esv
To hear the words “you're the best thing that ever happened to me” is beyond magical. It tells a person that they're wanted and they're admired, it's what makes us happy as people.
Marriage is a ministry of reconciliation:
Mutuality- Who do you say I am? I no longer call you service but I call you friends..
Gift-
Charge- 2 Timothy
“But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?”
ESV
https://www.bible.com/59/1co.7.15-16.esv
“Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others. But what we are is known to God, and I hope it is known also to your conscience. We are not commending ourselves to you again but giving you cause to boast about us, so that you may be able to answer those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart. For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”
ESV
https://www.bible.com/59/2co.5.11-21.esv

Transition To Close

Illustration: You’re the Best thing I ever had by Gladys Knight and the pips. But it was remade did Jesus is the best thing I ever had
To hear the words “you're the best thing that ever happened to me” is beyond magical. It tells a person that they're wanted and they're admired, it's what makes us happy as people.

Close- The Christians DTR moment

1 Corinthians 7:15–16 ESV
15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Who do people say that I am?
To hear the words “you're the best thing that ever happened to me” is beyond magical. It tells a person that they're wanted and they're admired, it's what makes us happy as people.
Matthew 16:13–18 ESV
13 Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” 14 And they said, “Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” 15 He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” 16 Simon Peter replied, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” 17 And Jesus answered him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. 18 And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.
Marriage is a ministry of reconciliation:

Mutuality- Who do you say I am? I no longer call you service but I call you friends..

Matthew 10:33 ESV
33 but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.
Luke 9:23 ESV
23 And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
John 15:17 ESV
17 These things I command you, so that you will love one another.
John 15:15–17 ESV
15 No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. 17 These things I command you, so that you will love one another.
John 10:27–28 ESV
27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.
John 15

Gift

Romans 6:23 ESV
23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Charge

2 Timothy 4:1–5 ESV
1 I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: 2 preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. 3 For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, 4 and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. 5 As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.
2 Timothy 4:10
1 Timothy 5:21–22 ESV
21 In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of the elect angels I charge you to keep these rules without prejudging, doing nothing from partiality. 22 Do not be hasty in the laying on of hands, nor take part in the sins of others; keep yourself pure.
ESV
1 Timothy 6:13–14 ESV
13 I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who in his testimony before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, 14 to keep the commandment unstained and free from reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ,
1 timothy 6:13
1 Timothy 5:21

Ministry of Reconciliation

https://www.bible.com/59/1co.7.15-16.esv
2 Corinthians 5:16
2 Corinthians 5:16–21 ESV
16 From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
“Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others. But what we are is known to God, and I hope it is known also to your conscience. We are not commending ourselves to you again but giving you cause to boast about us, so that you may be able to answer those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart. For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the fle
ESV
2 Corinthians 5:11–21 ESV
11 Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others. But what we are is known to God, and I hope it is known also to your conscience. 12 We are not commending ourselves to you again but giving you cause to boast about us, so that you may be able to answer those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart. 13 For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. 14 For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; 15 and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. 16 From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
https://www.bible.com/59/2co.5.11-21.esv
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