Glorifying God In Marriage
Adam Roe
Thriving In Deployment • Sermon • Submitted • 42:45
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· 789 viewsMarriage is meant to glorify God by commitment toward pleasing our spouse. This is accomplished principally through commitment to affection and admiration for our spouses. Only then can we deal with conflict, all while remembering that God's love and respect toward us is our goal toward one another.
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However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Me
Me
Divorced and Remarried
During first marriage and in divorce, collapse was “former wife’s fault.”
Sure, I had some issues too, but mostly “it was her.”
Not going to lie...Deep inside, I’d still like to beleve that…
Then I met Jerianne
NOW everything was going to align…Perfect!
Then we started having some arguments...
Noticed that my emotions and my responses had similar patterns as the arguments I’d had w/first wife
One Common Denominator…Me
We
We
When we are going through marriage difficulties, the pattern is similar...
Both feel that they are more victim than victimizer.
Waiting for the other person to change.
BLAME
Can anyone else relate to this?
Well sure I have some problems, but the real problem is YOU!
Interesting thing...
If they divorce, patterns don’t often change, and the same problems they had are problems they carry with them into the next marriage.
Problem is that a lot of us have accepted Christian marriage advice that is looking for the wrong result
IF you do this, then your spouse will respond THIS way.
I lived 19 years like that in my first marriage.
If I’m loving, respectful, and Godly, my spouse will necessarily be compelled to do the same.
Not necessarily.
Problem…It’s focused the wrong way and it won’t work because it’s just MANIPULATION
It’s wanting something for yourself rather than ultimately wanting what’s best for your spouse.
It also assumes that my motives and perspectives are primarily true
My spouse is just seeing it wrong
I just need to do some things to get him/her to see the light!
What Does God’s Word Say?
What Does God’s Word Say?
Three Keys To Biblical Marriage
Three Keys To Biblical Marriage
FIRST KEY TO BIBLICAL MARRIAGE: COMMIT TO GLORIFYING GOD
FIRST KEY TO BIBLICAL MARRIAGE: COMMIT TO GLORIFYING GOD
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
Whatever you do…including marriage…do all to the glory of God.
Our biggest problem in marriage is that we are focusing on marriage rather than glorifying God in marriage!
Marriage can become an idol, just like anything else.
All to often the idol is us!
What I can get, how I can be served, why my spouse should care about my needs, why my spouse should be proud of me...
Even the glory Jesus received was the glory of the Father, not merely His own…
I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed.
And Jesus does receive glory in the same manner that we are someday promised glory...
When our work on earth is done and our glorification of the Father on Earth is ended.
Jesus glorified God through his life, his death, and his resurrection.
The WAY we glorify God in marriage...
The WAY we glorify God in marriage...
Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God, just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved.
We glorify God in marriage when we serve and please our spouse as response to all that God has done for us.
Why? Paul pleased others “that they may be saved.”
If your spouse knows you’re serving and pleasing as a way for God to be glorified, it’s going to affect their vision of God in a positive way?
It’s going to take your spouse from a “God, why do I have to suffer this man or woman,” to...
God, thank you for the blessing and the gift of this man or this woman.
Most of us never get that far because we are more concerned with our spouses serving and pleasing us!
That’s not God’s way...
but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
God loves sinners first. We tend to go the opposite way.
“Well, become a better person and then I’ll give you what you want!”
That’s not what Jesus did for YOU!
Christ died for you while you were yet a sinner.
As we read last week in Romans 2:4, it’s the kindness of God that led YOU to repentance
Does your spouse deserve less?
There’s never a bad time to do the right thing.
There will never be a perfect version of your spouse.
Your role is to glorify God by pleasing your spouse
SECOND KEY TO BIBLICAL MARRIAGE: COMMIT TO AFFECTION AND ADMIRATION
SECOND KEY TO BIBLICAL MARRIAGE: COMMIT TO AFFECTION AND ADMIRATION
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Love - “Affection expressed in actions and words that please my spouse to the glory of God.”
Gary Chapman - True love, the kind of love that keeps a couple together for a lifetime, is not a feeling but an attitude. It says, With the help of God, I’m going to do everything I can to enhance the life of my spouse.
Attitude, Not feeling
An attitude is a settled way of thinking on an issue
A feeling is based on the emotion of a moment
Attitudes are decisive
Feelings can change in a moment
We have traded the Biblical ATTITUDE of love, for a weak, undetermined, feckless, powerless emotion
Now, it’s important to note, that love implies AFFECTION!
It’s not a cold, stoic, determination
Jesus didn’t die for us in a stoic, cold, unemotional way
His attitude included great affection and concern for the world he was dying for!
That meant giving the world what it needed rather than doing what he wanted.
And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
The attitude of love is one in which we are commited…rock solid…to affectionate actions and words that please our spouses.
And unless it’s illegal or Biblically immoral, it means your spouse has the say on what those needs are…not you.
How many couples have I spoken with...
I show affection like this, and this, and this, and this…but he/she just wants this, and this, and this, and this...
OK, well your spouse isn’t you.
S/he isn’t pleased by what pleases you.
S/he doesn’t respond to those things the way you would.
Example: "All she ever wants is for me to spend time with her! Doesn’t she realize I have a million other commitments!”
You’re complaining that your wife is most pleased when you spend time with her?
Example: “All he cares about his sex!”
You’re complaining that he seeks love making with you more than any other woman?
What pleases your spouse may not please you, but you weren’t in it for yourself anyway if you were doing it God’s way.
Love Languages
Love Languages
When you please your spouse with a hug or a kiss, you’ve glorified God.
When you please your spouse by doing dishes, you’ve glorified God.
When you please your spouse by buying a gift, you’ve glorified God.
When you please your spouse through praise, you’ve glorified God.
When you please your spouse by giving them undivided attention, you’ve glorified God.
I mentioned respecting your spouse
Paul links the two together in Ephesians 5, so lets go back to it
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Respect
“Attitude of admiration in actions and words that meet meet my spouse’s needs."
Love = Commitment to Affectionate Action
Respect = Commitment to expressing admiration toward your spouse
Baby, I just really admire the way you are able to manage
THIRD KEY TO BIBLICAL MARRIAGE: LOVING, RESPECTFUL RESOLUTION OF CONFLICT
THIRD KEY TO BIBLICAL MARRIAGE: LOVING, RESPECTFUL RESOLUTION OF CONFLICT
Should affection and admiration change when dealing with conflict?
No
Your spouse is your spouse…conflict is the conflict
Don’t confuse the two
We tend in conflict to begin identifying our spouse as the problem.
First make sure you’re glorifying God by pleasing your spouse
It’s harder when deployed, but get creative, and then continue when you return home.
Secondly, don’t make the conflict worse by being unloving and disrespectful
Gottman...Four things will always make conflict worse: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling
Some of you lead with criticism and contempt.
Some of you get defensive when criticized.
Some of you just shut down.
Well, stop it...
Figure out what you both want, and then work to get there…TOGETHER...
Secondly, put long-standing conflict on hold until you get home.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, you almost definitely won’t figure it out on deployment.
Too much distance, too little opportunity to communicate
When you get home, get help...
Counseling, trusted objective friend, etc...
Most Important Thing To Remember
Most Important Thing To Remember
You and your spouse will not be perfect at any of this
Is your salvation based on your ability to be a PERFECT spouse?
Does God change His opinion of you when you screw up?
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,
That’s true for you. That’s true for your spouse.
As people who have received the gifts of grace and faith, you now get to be a Godly gift to your spouse.
You get to be a gift that glorifies God by pleasing your spouse.
You get to be a gift that commits to pleasing through affection
You get to be a gift that commits to pleasing through admiration
You get to be the hands, the feet, the love, the forgiveness, and the joy of Jesus Christ for your spouse.
Even while deployed, and all to the glory of God.
Amen