Get Healthy
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Handout
Intro
We are talking about relationships. some of us have had good relationships… others not so good… some have had really bad relationships.
Does anyone wish you could have taken a course when you were young on relationships? It might have saved some heartbreak.
Wouldn’t it be nice to take a class in relationships?
Wouldn’t it be nice to take a class in relationships?
The fact is
We all took a class in relationships from our families while we grew up
We all took a class in relationships from our families while we grew up
You learn more from your family of origin than anywhere else… for good or bad.
However, it would have been nice to take a course… maybe one like Relationships 101
Imagne you go up in the attic of your home and you discover a file cabinet and you find all the files of courses you took growing up…
Learn from class… files…
How to keep family ties from pulling strings…
Feelings we don’t talk about in this family
Advanced blame shifting and how to do it
How to fall in love and not lose your mind… people lose their minds when they fall in love
How to break up an stay in one peice…
friendship… imagine life w/o friends
friends of the road - temp friends
friends of the heart - no matter where you are you stay in touch… how do we develop more of these.
What do you do when a friend fails? We all have our personal Judas. Friends will fail you at some point. They let Jesus down… they will let you down.
Gender gap - guys, you could have taken a class on understanding women… doesn’t exist. Men from Mars… Women from Venus
In his class Relationships 101, he makes this statement…
“If you try to build intimacy with another person before you have gotten whole on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself.” Dr Les Parrott
“If you try to build intimacy with another person before you have gotten whole on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself.” Dr Les Parrott
… and they will fall flat. Why, because no one was designed to complete you. Yet we constantly try to find completeness in other people.
Listen,
No one can complete you
No one can complete you
Other people can help, but we have to take responsibility for our own health.
I know this is difficult because of he romance movies we grow up watching.
Jerry McGuire…
“Show me the money”
“Show me the money”
“You complete me”
“You had me at hello...”
“You had me at hello...”
He walks into his house and its a support group of women talking about how bad men are. He launches into a great speech
“You complete me”
“You complete me”
When he said that, all the romantics went crazy.
If you depend someone else to complete you, you will be disappointed
If you depend someone else to complete you, you will be disappointed
If you depend on someone to complete you, you will be disappointed, because that is for a vertical relationship between us and God.
The only relationship that can complete you is your relationship with God through Jesus.
The only relationship that can complete you is your relationship with God through Jesus.
A Frame Relationships
A Frame Relationships
- do the demo
Two people are leaning in to each other and when one stumbles, it cause the relationship to crumble. When one stumbles… it messes both up. It results in Enmeshed relationship. They let you down and you begin to pound on them. It’s not their responsibility to complete you…
That is your heavenly father’s job...
Your compulsion for completion is only met in a relationship with your heavenly father.
Your compulsion for completion is only met in a relationship with your heavenly father.
Why is so important to get ourselves healthy?
Why is so important to get ourselves healthy?
Your relationships can only be as healthy as you are
Your relationships can only be as healthy as you are
Neil Warren (E - Harmony) - Number 1 advice for couples looking to marry… get yourself healthy first.
Get yourself Healthy before you get married. Neil Warren (Founder of E Harmony)
Get yourself Healthy before you get married. Neil Warren (Founder of E Harmony)
It all comes down to a promise.
Three Promises we have to make to get healthy.
Three Promises we have to make to get healthy.
I have to embrace my
1. Embrace my Profound significance to God
1. Embrace my Profound significance to God
You have to know how significant you are because of God’s love for you… It has to go past your mind down into your bones.
We all need to experience God’s grace.
If you are struggling with how important you are to God, you need to check out your SELF-TALK.
Self Talk
Self Talk
Is your self talk more positive or negative. If you could tabulate all of your self talk for the last 24 hours… what would that reveal? 78% of people’s self talk is negative.
The person who embraces their profound significance to God doesn’t have the same self talk.
16 I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—17 that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, 18 you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! 19 Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.
That’s completeness…
You have to buy into…
2. Commit to Unwavering Authenticity
2. Commit to Unwavering Authenticity
This is about making promises to yourself. You have to be true to you. It’s easy to struggle with the disease to please… mom and dad… kids… spouse… workers...
Get rid of disease to please
Get rid of disease to please
It’s tough to choose your own path against all that other people are trying to get you to do. Remember the Purpose Driven Life? It was so successful because everyone wants to know why are we here?
The beauty of this book (Bible) is that everyone wants purpose.
1 In light of all this, here’s what I want you to do. While I’m locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don’t want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don’t want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. 2 And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love,
3. Love others with Self-Giving Love
3. Love others with Self-Giving Love
This is the Jesus kind of love. Now you begin to notice that other people have needs.
What’s the #1 goal of every teen? Who am I? when you are consumed with who you are, you are always looking in the mirror… when you walk into a room, you wonder what everyone is thinking about you… This is good for teens, but we need to get to a stage where we mature and we walk into a social setting and wonder how they are doing… not what they think of me.
Then we can put into practice, the practice empathy.
Practice Empathy
Practice Empathy
You can’t do this until you know how profoundly God loves you and find your purpose...
Then you can look at what others need. You can begin to put into practice one of the greatest relationship sermons ever preached…
Sermon on the Mount - a great message on relationships.
Don’t just walk one mile, walk two miles with them. Roman law required kids to carry a soldier’s back pack 1 mile so he could rest. Kids would place a stake 1 mile away from their house so they would know exactly where to stop… Jesus used this as a sermon illustration.
You want to do something radical… go the extra mile. You begin to give yourself away and transcend your own boundaries.
Go the Extra Mile
Go the Extra Mile
2 And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, 3 alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.
This is all about walking the extra mile… You will have the opportunity to walk the extra mile in many ways every day… some will be big and others are little.
As you go about your week, and as you make this promise to God to seek to know His Profound love… to see yourself as he sees you. I want to discover the path that you have for me. When I am around other people, I will try to see things from their perspective.
Profound significance… Unwavering Authenticity… self giving love
When you try to build intimacy with another person before you have gotten whole on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself
When you try to build intimacy with another person before you have gotten whole on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself
You will fall flat…
Wrap Up - Altar time
Profound Significance - maybe you have never heard of the significance you have in God’s eyes. Today can be your day… or maybe you would say, I knew that… I used to be close to God, you can turn back today. It’s doesn’t matter how far you have drifted away, you are just one step away.
This is important because if you don’t the the vertical relationship with God right, you will never get your relationships with others right and healthy.