Love and Friendship (Part 2)
Notes
Transcript
Handout
Handout
Good Morning, We have just started our series Love wins.. We have three Community groups going on --- Richvale and Gridley and a group in Oroville on Wednesday nights…we have the opportunity to go deeper in discussion… and encourage you be part of a group..
Last week was valentines Day and the next day there was this really cool news story about this calf that was born somewhere in PA on with a perfect shaped heart on its forehead… Isn’t that amazing… These kids just fell in love with this baby calf... lots of love there… We are going to be talking about Love… next several weeks..
In case you missed last weekend…we talked about the nature of love --- That God himself is Love… It is His eternal nature.... and it is His love that we have experienced…
God has loved us through Through His son Jesus… …and we are recipients of his love… John describes Gods eternal and unconditional love....”In this love” or Agapao love- and it is “in this love” we have been born again... fully regenerated… fully forgiven…we stand complete in Him in peace.... Because through this transaction that the Bible calls propitiation… Jesus has fully satisfied every demand of the law and it’s requirements so that we might enjoy all the benefits of Perfect love… John turns to us who have received the love of God and gives us this command this imperative..
let us love… we ought to love…
Let us love with this love...… (1 John 4ff)
This morning we are going to talk about love and friendship… .
When it comes to friendship there are various types and levels of friendships....
There are...
1. acquaintances
2. Casual Friendship
3. Close Friends
4. Intimate friendships
(https://iblp.org/questions/what-are-four-levels-friendship)
Jesus had his three closest disciples Peter, James and John… then the 12... there were other friendships outside of the 12 Lazarus, Mary and Martha… then form there circle gets wider… to the crowd...
It interesting that the Dunbar study that was conducted in the 90’s discovered that humans brain and attention span can can only maintain 5 close/ intimate relationships… and 150 acquaintances/Casual friendships...
What we going to talk about this morning are those 5 friends in your life.. Close intimate relationships..
Studies show that as we come out of adolescence and as we get married and have children that there is a tendency to drift from friendship.
The result is that many of us have fewer and fewer people we consider close friends...
There was study that came out last month... Cigna insurance…which reported that Loneliness is up 7% to 61% in 2019 from 54% in 2018...
More than 3 out of 5 Americans say reporting that they feel like they are being left out, poorly understood and are lacking in companionship…
These social scientists tell us that the cause of this phenomena is related to…
Not enough social support
Too few meaningful social interactions
Poor physical and mental health
Poor Physical and Mental health, coupled with anxiety and depression issues...
So in other words there is a Friendship crisis around us....
What is a friendship?
Here are some working Definitions of friendship.
" known and being known."
Accepting and being accepted;
loving and being loved;
Serving and being served;
Celebrating and being celebrated.
Who wouldn’t want to experience this kind of friendships? Our lives would be all the richer if we surround our lives with these kind of people.
You see in a true friendship, you move beyond pretending to be someone that you’re not. You take off your mask, and you say to the other person, “Here’s who I really am.”
And it’s reciprocal. A true friend accepts you as you are and says in return, “Here’s who I really am too —without my mask.” And within in this circle of trust.... You are accepted, and you accept that person…
Now, You can’t do that with everyone… but remember we are talking about those five trusted friendships..
We should put a high value on Friendship…
t/S There are three things we should consider when choosing friends...
1.TheImportance of friendships.
1.TheImportance of friendships.
The importance of friendships goes back to ancient civilizations.... I came across early piece of Egyptian "wisdom literature" meant to instruct young men
Listen to this piece of advice..
"Don’t be mean toward your friends, They are one’s watered field, And greater then one’s riches, For what belongs to one belongs to another." (The Instruction of Ptahhotep,)
"friendship" was highly valued … from the earliest of times..
It was considered to be greater than ones wealth....
We are going to turn to 1 Samuel 17-18 and see what makes a good..friendship…
One of the great stories of friendship in the Bible is between David and Jonathan…
The strength relationship are often found in our diversity and not our sameness.…It is true in marriage… in many way Pam and I very different.. but our differences complement each other...
The God head is perfect example of the power of Unity with in Diversity… I think one of the mistakes with friendship… is we are looking for sameness..
a. God friendships come with Diversity.
David and Jonathan were different…
There was the obvious difference between David and Jonathan…
The first being Status and social-economic differences.. David shepherd boy and Jonathan the son of King Saul destined for the Throne of Israel
There is also the age gap of some 20 years between David and Jonathan..
Then there was the Threat of David to Sauls future...
The last time Jonathan was mentioned was after he defeated the Philistines.. Jonathan starting to gain popularity and favor with people… then here comes David from nowhere and eclipse any fame Jonathan had enjoyed.... You would expect David to be his biggest rivalry
What this relationship implies is that Friendship… does not mean sameness.
One of my best friends is Rico Amico… He is the Italian Stallion… He is a master Brick layer… lives in Rhode Island… He has been in my life over two decades… We just hit it off… I love being around him… We both love being together when we can… We get excited about Italian bbq, coffee and Canole’s ---
I think that’ the connection...
When we think about those five friends..... We shouldn’t discount differences… because... Good friendships don’t necessary come with sameness..
David and Jonathan’s Friendship begins on the Battle Field...
One of the most compelling stories in the Bible is this unforgettable Epic of David and Goliath…
Jesse (David Father) sends his to the front lines with grain, bread and cheese for his brothers…
little did Jesse know that that day David would go the battle field a boy and come back a might warrior...
David’s success of defeating Goliath made David a household name … a kind rock-star in Israel.
David was quickly promoted to a commander in Saul’s army and God gave David tremendous success in battle...
On the Day of Goliath’s defeat Abner the the commander and chief of Saul’s Army brings David before King Saul and there is this official introduction to Saul…and Jonathan is in the room.
lets read our text.
58 And Saul said to him, “Whose son are you, young man?” And David answered, “I am the son of your servant Jesse the Bethlehemite.”
1 As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.
2 And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father’s house.
This is the moment when this amazing friendship develops…and it is instantaneous...
The first thing we learn about this relationship is that they shared a very close bond...Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan..
Another Quality of Great Friendships
b. The Right Chemistry!
David was knitted to Jonathan.. something clicked between them and there was this incredible friendship that was birthed.
The Hebrew word “knit” means to
join together or tie together...
Like most of these kinds of relationships… there is not too much deal of thought and analysis… needed…there just this connection that is present
We need to understand that ...
“Friendship is more of a gift than something to be development.
There was something in the chemistry of how they saw each other, the way they related to each other, the ease with which they communicated that created the soil in which their friendship could grow and develop.
C. Share Same Values...
There was not only Chemistry and their was Common Faith..
Jonathan recognized in David someone who lived out his faith in the work of God’s Kingdom.
Jonathan found in David a kindred spirit and a real “soul mate” in the struggle against the Philistines.
Remember, Jonathan had also won a single-handed victory over the Philistines (ch 14), and on that occasion he had said to his armor bearer, “Nothing can hinder the Lord. He can win a battle whether he has many warriors or only a few!
So Jonathan’s friendship with David was rooted in a common faith
But friendships cannot survive on just the right chemistry ... Relationships require commitment
D. Great Friendship are Equally Committed..
When Pam and I were receiving Engagement counseling years ago… I’ll never forget the advice that marriage is not a 50/50 proposition… but rather it’s a 100/100… It takes both parties contributing to the health of the relationship....
The Bible pictures David and Jonathan as making a conscious commitment to each other, a solemn compact, “a covenant
3 Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.
4 And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt.
5 And David went out and was successful wherever Saul sent him, so that Saul set him over the men of war. And this was good in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul’s servants.
David and Jonathan join in this covenant relationship... they bonded together as brothers… they took their friendship to the next level --- made a covenant together… that they would always honor and protect their friendship....
Jonathan takes off his royal robes his armor and his sword and belt… and hands them over to David… makes this exchange... This exchange was symbolic of Jonathan handing over to David the right of succession. Jonathan’s clothes were reserved for the rightful heir of the throne of Saul…Jonanthan knew that David was destined for the throne and was willing to surrender to the Divine plan...
Jonanthan recognized David’s worth, and he was willing to give his all, even his right to the throne, for ‘he loved him as himself.
“Jonathan loved David as his own soul”
The Hebrew word here speaks of a deep loyal love… the love that existed between family members — for example between Abraham and Isaac… and Isaac and Esau.. Genesis 44:30 tells us that Jacobs soul was knit with his youngest son. Benjamin.
love existed within covenant..
"Covenant…was out sign of inward reality...
Today Covenant is one of those words that is not really understood or taken to heart… We see this in the most sacred of relationships …. We talk about marriage vows...when we make vows before God — and exchange rings.. this covenant language… but marriages continue to fail…because we don’t fully understand what it means to live in a covenant relationship..
Jonathan’s friendship was the most precious gift David was ever given, because the gift was followed by loyalty.....
faithfulness, unselfishness, and sacrifice.
As we think about the qualities of those five friends…loyal love is part of the equation.
t/S There are three things we should consider when choosing friends...
1. TheImportance of friendships.
2. The Power of friendship
2. The Power of friendship
In Zimbabwe the Shona word for Friend is the word Shamwari… which means… One who is attached to another by feelings of personal regard or preference..
Shamwari’s are BFF’s you often see two men holding hands… walking down the street…totolly normal… Because In Africa it is about the Journey… you normally going somewhere together with your friend...
What about your journey… Who is going with you?
The reason we need to be selective in close friends is because these kinds friendships have tremendous influence they hold over our lives.
We often make many decisions based on the counsel of friends, and through friendship, we can significantly impact the lives of others.
Andy Stanley --
Therefore it is critical to follow God’s guidance in establishing friendships..
The way that we can see the power of friendships… look at a friendship that didn’t work out… friendships that had negative impacts...
The Bible tells us
33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
Not all relationships are good for us and we need to be aware toxic relationships..
Around the same time when David and Jonathan become covenant partners a wedge is being driven between Saul and David…
David becomes part of Sauls military machinery… He is effective leader and commander defeating the philistines…Every-time the soldiers came back from battles against the Philistines… the woman would come out from all the cities.. singing and dancing to meet King Saul.. The song that they sang was designed to celebrate Sauls reign and their collective victory.... they would sing
Saul has slain his thousands,And David his ten thousands.”
7 And the women sang to one another as they celebrated, “Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands.”
These words went straight to Sauls heart like an arrow… . King Saul became extremely jealous of David. . The Scripture says that from that moment on Saul kept his eye on him.. For the first time, Saul begins to think of David, not as a faithful aide, but as a rival for the throne..
Once Saul’s fear of David took control, almost all his dealings with David were designed to destroy him. On several occasions in a rage of passion of Jealousy Saul picked up his spear and tried to pierce David to the wall… We this happened twice… in this chapter.
And Saul hurled the spear, for he thought, “I will pin David to the wall.” But David evaded him twice.
Saul was afraid of David because the Lord was with him but had departed from Saul.
Saul brings David into the Royal Palace.. but with promotion is the beginning of all sorts of challenges…Saul is disconnect from God and has been rejected as King… and for the better part of his life…He spends trying to kill David...
David always deals with King Saul in a godly manner and even though he had opportunities of a few occasions to take him out.. He refrained from doing so… because he considered Saul to the Lords anointed king…
There is a powerful lesson when it come to toxic relationships...
We should be friendly to everyone and look for the interests of others...
Jesus gave the command to practice unlimited love...
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
Jesus said love and Pray.... for your enemies…
One of the benefits of praying for our enemies is that it changes us. It is impossible to go on praying for another without loving him or her..
However, this story teaches us that there are some relationships which are toxic…
These relationships will kill us spiritually, morally and possibly even physically if we don't flee from them.
King Saul and David had a toxic of a relationship - It is kind of cat and mouse kind of relationship.. Where David is desperately trying to win the approval of King Saul, but King Saul is so self absorbed that he doesn't see what kind of friend David is trying to be..
So you get this unhealthy kind of Dance -- Where David is trying to Fix Saul and mend the relationship and Saul is hurling Spears.
The fact that it says David had the javelin thrown at him more than once kind of speaks into this kind of disfunction..
Eugene Peterson gives the advice…
To never learn or master the art of spear throwing...
stay out of the company of all spear throwers.
Invest in the right kinds of friends...
Instead of Dodging Spears… find the Jonathan variety of friends...
David had a good friend in Jonathan, and in my mind is a real Hero in this story. He had the perception to see that David was being called to the Throne of Israel. Jonathan was willing to live up to the covenant relationship even if it meant that he might loose his very life.
This is the kind of friend that proverbs 17:17 talk about..
17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
There are three things to consider when making friends...
1. TheImportance of friendships.
2. The Power of friendship
3. The making of friendships
3. The making of friendships
We live in a world that encourages us to develop network in the market place, there’s what you call a consumer/vendor relationship.
If you are a consumer or user, you have a relationship with the vendor as long as that vendor meets your needs at an acceptable cost to you.
A consumer or user relates to the vendor as long as the vendor meets your needs at an acceptable cost to you.
The model of the marketplace, the model of the user relationship, has spread out and actually become the basis for conducting all relationships.
So the family relationships and friend relationships and civic relationships and religious relationships and friendship relationships are all done on a market basis. They’re all done on a cost benefit analysis. “If I am getting my needs met, I’m happy to stay in this relationship. If I’m not, I’m out of here.” (Tim Keller)
What we learn from David is that friends are there in the good days and the difficult days… It is not a Vender consume relationship..
17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
Charles Spurgeon said...
“Friendship is one of the sweetest joys of life. Many might have failed beneath the bitterness of their trial had they not found a friend.”
In 1 Samuel 20...
Kings Saul is about to throw a dinner party to celebrate the New moon festival The invites have gone out… the tables have been set.... David name is on the guest list among other in Sauls household....
But…things have not been quite right around the palace… David has a bad feeling about what Saul’s intentions.. and so Jonathan and David decide that they need to determine how safe things are before David comes to the festivities...
This festival went on for a few days...
On the the first day of festivities David missing from was nothing uncommon and Saul assumed that David must be getting cleansed.
However, on the second night
it was painfully obvious that something wrong because Davids place mat was still empty. Saul confronts the issue of Davids absence and asks where is the son of Jesse...
27 But on the second day, the day after the new moon, David’s place was empty. And Saul said to Jonathan his son, “Why has not the son of Jesse come to the meal, either yesterday or today?”
Saul seems to intentionally avoid using Davids name, maybe it was a put down -- bringing up Davids upbringing and family a humble shepherd.
I imagine there is silence for a few seconds and Jonathan Davids covenant partner and friend explains,
28 Jonathan answered Saul, “David earnestly asked leave of me to go to Bethlehem.
Jonanthan makes an excuse for Davids absence... but Saul sees through the deception and he becomes angry....with Jonathan… Until this point Jonathan never saw King Saul as a real threat…Even though Saul had talked about killing David and even threw a couple of spears… that was labeled as mental illness… Saul suffers from anxiety and depression… But, here Jonathan sees Sauls true colors..and real danger against David..
30 Then Saul’s anger was kindled against Jonathan, and he said to him, “You son of a perverse, rebellious woman, do I not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame, and to the shame of your mother’s nakedness?
31 For as long as the son of Jesse lives on the earth, neither you nor your kingdom shall be established. Therefore send and bring him to me, for he shall surely die.”
32 Then Jonathan answered Saul his father, “Why should he be put to death? What has he done?”
33 But Saul hurled his spear at him to strike him. So Jonathan knew that his father was determined to put David to death.
34 And Jonathan rose from the table in fierce anger and ate no food the second day of the month, for he was grieved for David, because his father had disgraced him.
Everything that was hidden comes to the surface… Until this point Jonathan thought that it was impossible that his father Saul would want to kill David… but now… Everything is in plain sight…
Saul is no longer hiding his intentions he says bring David to me so I can Kill him.
Saul brings up the loss of his Position and Dynasty… but that doesn’t concern Jonathan… Jonathan has put David before himself…
1. Jonathan was willing to risk a great deal to protect his friend.
The king had absolute power over his subjects, and to help one whom the king considered to be his enemy was a treasonable act.
Jonathan took a great risk to defend David.. What has he done to you that you want to kill him? He has done nothing.
We learn from Jonathan.... than....
A friend is not only a friend when that person is in front of you. It is coming to their defence when they are also absent."
2. The second thing that Jonathan did was to plead with his father on David’s behalf (vv. 4–5).
It took courage to challenged their judgment and those who question their decisions are apt to be accused of disloyalty
But Jonathan was a loyal person.. He never turned against his father Saul, never left him, and died beside him in battle.
At the same time being loyal to David… and renewed his covenant with David… and they both wept…
Jonathan loved David as his own soul..
Jonathan is not a fare whether kind of friend..
He was Proverbs 18 frined...
24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
How many of would like a friend like Jonathan!
CONCLUSION
You may find your self in a couple of places this morning —
First of all maybe there are some friendships that are toxic that instead building you up.... the tearing down… l
Perhaps you are in need of 5 friends… the Jonathan kind of relationships — that are supportive...
and maybe you have a Jonathan kind of relationship.. .
So how do we develop these kind of friendships.
EMBRACE DIVERSITY
ACKNOWLEDGE CHEMISTRY
FIND COMMON FAITH
BE COMMITTED — Be loyal..