Joseph

It was the summer before my freshman year of high school. My brother, Derrick, was a few years ahead of me and picked up this crazy sport, called pole vaulting. Before school began, he got me out on the track and taught me. From that day on, I couldn’t get enough.

In high school, I was a goalie, a wrestler and a pole vaulter. By the end of my sophomore year I knew I had to give up wrestling. I had a goal to break the school record of 14′ 6″. To do it, I would need to train during the winter so I could perform in the spring.

And train I did. I hired a strength coach to make sure I was strong enough. I ate a strict diet to make sure my body was ready. I did vaulting exercises every day after school to make movements a habit. I attended a pole vaulters camp at the University of Kansas, home to some of the best vaulters.

I loved everything about the sport, and I gave everything I had to reach my goals.

Fast forward to my senior year. I was making good progress, but the season was coming to an end. At this point everyone knew what I was trying to do, even the local newspapers.

I was fortunate enough to win the last meet going into the State finals. This was going the be the last track meet of my career. It was the last chance I would have to break the record.

I was confident going into the meet. I cleared 14′ 6″ in practice, but never in an official meet.

It came time for me to jump. The weather was gloomy and wet. There was a wind blowing right into us as we ran down the track. I made the decision to start jumping around 13′ so I could conserve my energy and clear 14′ 6″.

I started down the track, slid the pole into the box, lifted off and knocked the cross bar down. Fault #1. On my second attempt, everything felt good. I repeated the same process, had good form and got the same result. Fault #2. On my third attempt, I knew I had to clear it or I was out of the competition. I put my head down, sprinted towards my target, flew through the air and landed with a thud.

Fault #3. Game over. I was out of the competition, without clearing my opening vault. No state medal. No school record.

The look of disappointment

I remember walking to the car with everyone looking at me, wondering what to say. I spoke first. The one thing I remember saying was, “If this is the worst thing that ever happens to me in life, I will be OK.”

Disappointments happen to all of us as some point in time. Sometime it’s a longed for goal that simply never happens. Disappointment can also come when our expectations are not met - whether it’s a meal, an event, a sermon, a text message....

How we respond to disappointment can make a huge difference.

Today, as we continue looking at various characters that are part of the Christmas story, we get to Joseph - a man of few words and great disappointments.

If you have your Bible, please open it to Matthew 1:18 as we look at Joseph and how he dealt with disappointment.

Matthew 1:18–25 ESV

Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet:

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,

and they shall call his name Immanuel”

(which means, God with us). When Joseph woke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him: he took his wife, but knew her not until she had given birth to a son. And he called his name Jesus.

Before we really dissect Joseph’s response to the disappointments that he faced, I think it would be good to begin by...

Understanding Marriage in the Middle East

For years I’ve read the story of Joseph and Mary as being one of love - teenagers who were rapt in love. But I think I read and thought about this wrong. There may have been some love and some passion, but there was also business. In the Middle East during this time, many marriages would have been arranged. Parents of the groom and the bride would have had an agreement. The groom would pay a price for the bride, commencing the betrothal period. Often, he would go off to prepare the home for them. During this time, they were considered husband and wife, but were not allowed to sleep together. This was a time of testing to ensure that she did not get pregnant. It was a time for them to prove their fidelity to each other.

Unlike our modern engagements which are quite easy legally to break apart - a betrothal could only be severed by a divorce.

After the home was prepared, a multiple day marriage celebration would take place to complete the betrothal and start the marriage officially.

So as we look at this scenario, we see Joseph - likely preparing a home for his bride-to-be when he learns that she is pregnant.

What a disappointment!

At this point, he has several options before him.

There are a few things that Joseph does in this little scene that we can learn from. He did not always to what was in his power to do, but consistently chose another way.

First of all, we see that Joseph chose...

Mercy over Justice

In verse 19, Matthew refers to Joseph as a just man. What does this mean?

According to OT law - Joseph would have had every right to have Mary put to death - that would be just. The law dictated a sure punishment for this kind of supposed infidelity, and yet Joseph did not choose that. The Bible says that he resolved to divorce her quietly. But is that just?

Kenneth Bailey suggests that there could be a couple of ways to consider justice.

Justice could be thought of as “retributive justice” - which is essentially getting back at someone for harming you. This kind of justice would likely have cost Mary her life.

Another way of thinking about justice could be an “equal application of law” - in this case there is an expectation that the law would apply equally to everyone. “I pay my taxes, you must pay yours.”

Joseph seems to end up with a different solution. For Joseph, justice seems to mean “compassion for the weak and exhausted.” (Bailey, 44).

Instead of choosing to put her to death, or even to put her to shame, Joseph’s mercifully just choice is to put her out quietly. I think he knows that life would be hard for her, but in their honor/shame culture, he did not want to make the departure worse than it needed to be. For Joseph, this solution was the merciful solution.

The ESV Study Bible notes:

Joseph intended to maintain his personal righteousness, yet he desired to show compassion even though Mary appeared to be an adulteress.

So Joseph was just, but he did so by showing mercy.

In addition to choosing mercy over justice, Joseph chose...

Obedience over Expedience

So the Bible says that when Joseph heard that Mary was pregnant, that he decided to divorce her quietly. Then it says

Matthew 1:20 ESV

But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.

Kenneth Bailey, author of the book Jesus through Middle Eastern Eyes, does a great job helping his readers understand middle eastern cultural elements that may get passed western readers. In commenting on the life of Joseph - Bailey focused on the word that is translated “considered.” The Greek word ( “ἐνθυμέομαι ĕnthumĕŏmai”)

translated here is actually a combination of two words:

• en - meaning in

• thumos - meaning passion, fierceness, indignation, wrath

Often times it’s translated as “consider” or “ponder.” Bailey suggests that another translation might be “fuming” - “as he fumed over these things.”

Joseph had every right to be angry. Everything that he had been building had just crashed down around him. To say he was facing a disappointment might be an understatement.

There are times when we read scripture that we fail to remember just how human these people in scripture are. We almost seem to endow them with characteristics of perfection - when they were real people with real emotions.

How do you deal with disappointment or frustration?

One of the beautiful things here in the life of Joseph, is that he did not seem to hide his frustration as he “fumed” over the scenario - but when he was confronted with new facts, he responded obediently.

There are three times when an Angel communicates with Joseph (1:20; 2:13; 2:19). I’m not sure why God used an angel. Maybe that was the only being that Joseph would listen to. Each time, Joseph acted in obedience rather than expedience.

It would have been expedient for him to divorce Mary - but he acted in obedience and took her as his wife.

It would have been expedient for him to leave her in Nazareth (where she might have faced ridicule and shame), but he took the multiple day journey to Bethlehem with her.

It would have been expedient for him to simply return to Nazareth - to his home, his clients, his comfort zone, but he acted in obedience and took Mary and Jesus to Egypt.

When you and I are faced with opportunities to obey (especially in light of disappointment) - will we do the difficult task that God has placed before us? Or, will we take the expedient option - the easy way out?

When someone gets the promotion that you wanted and are probably more qualified for?

When the Spirit calls us to serve our neighbors by inviting them over for a meal, knowing they might not be the most lovely people to be around....

When we have an opportunity to pray for the person who is serving our table at a restaurant

When setting up our monthly budget - when it would be expedient to leave out the tithe and spend every penny we have on ourselves

When there is a need to serve in the children’s ministry or somewhere else in the church

...

(possibly talk about FBC transition)

We we’ve seen that Joseph chose mercy over justice and obedience over expedience. Finally, Joseph chose...

Selflessness over Selfishness

We don’t really get to know Joseph very well through the gospels. In fact we learn most about him in Matthew’s account - and yet - even here, Joseph never speaks. Maybe he is the strong silent type.

There is some assumption that Joseph may have died some time before Jesus’ public ministry began.

We do get to learn that Joseph and Mary had a few more children (James, Jude, Joses and some sisters - Mark 6:3).

Mark 6:3 ESV

Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary and brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon? And are not his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him.

Rather than choosing to have his own selfish pity party, Joseph seemed to decide to be selfless - he took Mary as his wife. He cared for her enough to build a bigger family with her.

In acting in mercy and obedience, he took on himself the shame that she may have experienced.

Her shame became his.

Her child became his.

He laid down his life for her.

On this topic of marriage, have you ever noticed how God has wired us differently as husbands and wives? Even in scripture, God points to things and commands us to do things differently.

Turn in your Bibles over to Ephesians 5.

The Apostle Paul begins by talking to women:

Ephesians 5:22–24 ESV

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Now, to our modern ears, there are so many things that can get us bent out of shape. - Submit? husband is the head? like Christ? - whoah.

But in the verse right before this, Paul writes:

Ephesians 5:21 ESV

submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

The NLT - when it gets to the specifics of submitting to one another actually says: “for wives, this means...” and then in verse 25 gets to husbands:

Ephesians 5:25–32 NLT

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.

Paul then summarizes everything he has just said with this one final comment:

Ephesians 5:33 ESV

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Why would he say things this way? Is it just the way of the their culture? Is it something in how men and women are wired differently?

I think it’s the latter. Sure, that society was male dominated. In many ways, Christianity became a liberating movement for women as Jesus, in his ministry, seemed to elevate women and treated them with dignity. Even here in talking about marriage, Paul was urging husbands to avoid the infidelity that was almost expected in society.

Here on this matter of marriage - Paul is basically telling wives - respect your husbands - because that is what they need - they need respect - this does not mean that husbands are always right - because we are wrong a lot. It simply means that more than the emotional elements of love, we need to know that we are respected.

He’s telling husbands - love your wives sacrificially - because that is what she needs. Women need the security that comes with sacrificial love. In loving sacrificially, husbands, we’re going to place the needs of our wives above our own needs/wants. Loving sacrificially might mean giving up some convenience for the sake of communion with your wife and family.

Emmerson Eggerichs talks about how husbands and wives can get on a crazy cycle. Husbands don’t feel respected to they withhold love from their wives. Wives don’t feel loved so they choose not to respect their husbands. And around and around they go. Imagine what would happen if even just one would change the cycle? Husbands, what would happen in the midst of a season of disagreement that you sacrificed your pride and said - “honey, I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ve been very loving to you. Can we go out, just the two of us to restart?”...

If you’d like to read a bit more about this, let me encourage you to grab the book “Love and Respect” by Emmerson Eggerichs. I am working on getting some for the Book Nook.

Beyond just considering a marriage application, there are so many ways that we can choose to live selflessly. At school, this might mean inviting that new student to sit with you at lunch or choosing to sit with him or her. It might mean choosing to give up on a video game in order to connect with people personally.

What do you think living selflessly would look like for you?

Closing Thoughts

Joseph is quite a guy. He was thrust into a situation that he did not choose. He made difficult choices, even in the face of his disappointments. As we’ve seen, Joseph chose to show mercy to Mary when justice would have been expected. He chose the difficult and inconvenient road of obedience over the expedient. As much as we can see, in all of these things, Joseph seemed to choose selflessness over selfishness.

Like His step-father, Jesus embodied these same attributes in His life and in His death.

He chose to show us mercy by willingly taking the punishment that we justly deserve.

Jesus chose obedience to His Heavenly Father when it would have been expedient for him to call down a legion of angels to save him from the torment of the cross. He could have let the wrath of God pass from him, but instead, He “bore our iniquities.”

Jesus selflessly gave up His glory and humbly served humanity.

Friend, if you’re not yet a follower of Christ; if you’ve not yet put your faith and trust in Him, maybe today is the day you do that. When we celebrate His birth, we do more than celebrate the miracle of His life and the specialness of that, we celebrate all that Jesus ushered in. He came, not to be celebrated, but to be sacrificed - for you and for me.

Beloved - as we consider Joseph’s life - there are so many ways that we can relate to him. He was very human, and yet by the grace of God, he chose to live rightly. I pray that we will too.

Benediction: Hebrews 13:20-21

Now may the God of peace—

who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus,

the great Shepherd of the sheep,

and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood—

21 may he equip you with all you need

for doing his will.

May he produce in you,

through the power of Jesus Christ,

every good thing that is pleasing to him.

All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.

Tyndale House Publishers. Holy Bible: New Living Translation. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2015. Print.

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