Sermon Tone Analysis

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As I prepare to preach a message on how God says a husband should relate to his wife, I am keenly aware of how short I fall as a husband.
Misty knows that I fail often.
But, my success is very important to my home.
*The story is told of a passenger ship that went down a number of years ago.
One of the survivors was a young boy that was washed into a large boulder jutting up out of the ocean.
He was able to cling to that boulder all night long before a rescue ship saved his life the next morning.
After his rescue a journalist asked asked the boy, “How is it that you were able to cling to that rock all night long, in the freezing cold with waves washing up against you?
Didn’t you get scared.”
The boy responded, “Ma’am, I trembled all night long.
But the rock didn’t.”
Men, our wives are looking to us to provide the kind of love that stabilizes our home that they can rest securely in.
That being the case, we better be looking to our rock, Jesus Christ.
His stabilizing love to us is what we draw upon and reflect to our wives.
That’s the only way that our marriage can be what God created them to be.
Paul is telling us while marriage has many wonderful purposes, the primary purpose of God that makes all those other purposes possible is that marriage is to be a running illustration of Christ’s eternal marriage of his bride, the church.
While our marriage will dissolve at our death, we realize that our marriages have an eternal and divine purpose.
Christian marriage provides millions of illustrations of Christ’s love for his church and how his bride follows him.
Husbands, in this illustration, you play the role of Christ.
Wives play the role of the church.
In v.22, the primary way the wife relates to her husband is to submit to or follow their godly leadership.
Loving their husbands is implied in their submission.
The reason for this submission is based on the godly headship that he provides.
Since Christ is the head of the church, the church submits to Christ’s leadership.
The husband love our wives like Christ loves the church, and the wife submits joyfully to her husband’s godly leadership.
What’s interesting is that when it comes to directing husbands on how to relate to their wives, he does not say, “Be head over your wife.”
If ‘submission’ is the primary description of how the wife relates to her husband, what is the primary description of how the husband is to relate to his wife.
v.22 says, “Wives, submit.”
v. 25 says, “Husbands, love.”
Headship looks like love.
6 times in v. 25-33 Paul uses the word love to describe how Christ relates to the church and how husbands are to relate to their wife.
3 times (v.
25, 28, 22) husbands are commanded to love their wives.
The husband displays the fact that he is the head of the home through how he loves his wife.
That’s the way Christ displays is headship to us; he loves us.
Eph.
5:2 “And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”
So Christ has a bride, the church.
And we have a bride, our wives.
And the only way we can display what in our marriages of what Christ love for his people looks like is to study how Christ loves his church and then apply that type of love to our wives.
Someone may say, v. 20 says that the husband and wife are to submit “to one another.”
That is true.
The husband submits to his wife by loving her in a very specific manner—the way Christ loved the church.
But what does that mean?
What does Christ example of loving the church teach us about how we are to love our wives?
A. A Sacrificial Love (v.25)
First of all it teaches us that our love for our wives should be sacrificial.
Eph.
5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Scripture is clear that Christ most clearly displayed his love for us in his sacrifice in leaving heaven and coming to earth to be our propitiation.
He died on the cross and incurred the wrath of God for our sins.
So if our marriages are to be the picture of Christ’s marriage to his church, we are going to have to love our wives sacrificially.
We are going to have to give ourselves for our wives.
The first thing that the husband usually thinks of is that he we must love our wives so much that we would die for them.
That’s true.
We must love them so much that we would die for them.
*We are told in one of the Greek histories that the wife of one of the generals of Cyrus, the ruler of Persia, was accused of treason and was condemned to die.
At first her husband did not know what was taking place.
But as soon as he heard about it he rushed to the palace and burst into the throne room.
He threw himself on the floor before the king and cried out, “Oh, my Lord Cyrus, take my life instead of hers.
Let me die in her place.”
Cyrus, who by all historical accounts was a noble and extremely sensitive man, was touched by this offer.
He said, “Love like that must not be spoiled by death.”
Then he gave the husband and wife back to each other and let the wife go free.
As they walked away happily the husband said to his wife, “Did you notice how kindly the king looked at us when he gave you the pardon?”
The wife replied, “I had no eyes for the king.
I saw only the man who was willing to die in my place.”
(J.
Boice, Ephesians).
Now, husbands we need to be careful here.
What he are called to is not simply to be willing to die for our wives if ever the need arises.
But, Jesus actually died for the church.
Loving our wives like Jesus loves the church means we love her with a sacrificial type of love.
*One wife rightly told her husband, “Dear, I know that you are willing to die for me; you have told me that many times.
But while you are waiting to die, could you just fill in some of the time helping me dry the dishes?”
(J.
Boice, Ephesians).
B. A Beneficial Love (v.
25)
Sacrificial love is a beneficial love.
“for her.”
This is pretty obvious, but Christ died to benefit his bride.
Therefore, we are to love in wives so that we seek their benefit.
This is clearly seen in the word for “love” that is used here.
There are four different words used in Greek.
All of them certainly apply in some degree to the way a husband loves his wife.
1) ‘Eros’-a love of passion;
2) ‘phileo’- a love of fondness and affection
3) ‘Stergo’-a love of contentment and satisfaction.
None of these are used here.
They all get swallowed up by the word for love used here.
4)’Agapao’- which is a love that love sacrificially finding one’s joy in someone else.
This is the word used of Christ and the command for the husband.
Christ died because he found great joy in obeying his Father and great joy in saving his Bride.
This means husbands are to love in such a way that we find great joy in benefiting our wives.
*I like the way one writer described this type of love.
He wrote:
“Let me try to tell you what it really should mean if a fellow says to a girl, ‘I love you.’
It means: You, you, you.
You alone.
You shall reign in my heart.
You are the one whom I have longed for, without you I am incomplete.
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