Husbands: Appraise Her Highly!

If you follow the marriage advice of Johnny and Chachi, you’re well on your way to winning the worst husband award. Instead, let’s listen to what scripture has to say, honing in on Peter’s words in our study in the apostle’s first letter.

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

PRAY

This lesson, about how husbands ought to treat their wives by appraising their high value in God’s sight and in their own relationship, is something that we ought to apply in all our relationships. Consider husbands first. Here a couple of simple verses from the wisdom of Proverbs to remind a man of the preciousness of his bride:

Proverbs 18:22 ESV

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 31:10 ESV

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.

If you aren’t married, the principle still stands as a means of dealing with others whom you live with and whom you serve:

Romans 12:10 ESV

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Philippians 2:3 ESV

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Do you recognize the priceless treasure that God has given you? (in your helpmeet, in your teammate in ministry… whatever it is) - Not being picky, not pandering (to cater to someone vices, base passions), but to rightly esteem that which is precious.

Let’s begin first with the transition from the previous verses to this one:

A Husband’s Submissive Spirit

“Husbands, likewise” - similarly, also… - ***

While submission in the sense of placing oneself under the authority of another is not what is meant here, there is indeed a submissive spirit that is expected of leaders that is consistent with the attitude and sacrificial leadership of Christ.

So when the scripture says…

Ephesians 5:21 ESV

submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

It does not play out in exactly the same way, but it does indicate the importance of the submissive and sacrificial spirit modeled by our Savior. In a marriage relationship, men are called to place the best interests of their wives (and children if they have them) above their own. - The Christian leader does not seek to be honored but to show honor, particularly to those who might be less honored. The Christian leader does not seek to be served but to serve. The Christian leader does not ask others to makes sacrifices for them, but rather gives their lives as an ongoing sacrifice for the good of others. (And such a Christian leader who follows the heart of Christ’s leadership can expect to be in close communion with God.)

(The text continues) Live together with [them… wives, just spoken of in the preceding verses]…

According to Knowledge

“in an understanding way”

J.H. Jowett - “Dwell with your wives according to knowledge.” [Verse 7] How shall we describe the characteristic? [...] We may grasp its content by proclaiming its opposite: “Dwell with your wives according to ignorance. Just walk in blindness. Don’t look beyond your own desires. Let your vision be entirely introspective and microscopic. Never exercise your eyes in clear and comprehensive outlook. Dwell in ignorance!” No, says the apostle, “dwell according to knowledge.” Keep your eyes open. Let reason be alert and active. Let all your behaviour be governed by a sweet reasonableness. Don’t let appetite determine a doing. Don’t let [your] personal wish have the first and last word. […] Be thoughtful and unceasingly considerate.

2 ways to look at this, perhaps both are intended:

Knowledge of God’s will for your marriage

The New American Commentary: 1, 2 Peter, Jude (4) Husbands, Live Knowledgeably with Your Wives (3:7)

Husbands, then, should live together with wives informed by the knowledge of God’s will, of what he demands them to do.

Knowledge of your spouse

1 Peter: An Introduction and Commentary 2. Husbands: Live Considerately with Your Wives (3:7)

The ‘knowledge’ Peter intends here may include any knowledge that would be beneficial to the husband-wife relationship: knowledge of God’s purposes and principles for marriage; knowledge of the wife’s desires, goals, and frustrations; knowledge of her strengths and weaknesses in the physical, emotional and spiritual realms; etc.

To live with one’s wife according to knowledge must also mean that a husband is acutely aware of whose vessel/instrument his wife ultimately is… She is the Lord’s. … which informs this next emphasis:

Treat Her As Precious

Scene from Disney’s Aladdin [genie image]

Aladdin: But there is something. Genie: Uh-oh. Seen that face before. Who is she? Who’s the girl? Aladdin: She’s a princess. Genie: Aw, aren’t they all? Treat your woman like a queen, I always say. Aladdin: No. No, she’s an actual princess.

The New American Commentary: 1, 2 Peter, Jude (4) Husbands, Live Knowledgeably with Your Wives (3:7)

the admonition to husbands to honor their wives is unique in Greco-Roman literature.

Showing - Assigning, rendering as due (to give something as is proper or just) … in other words, SHE IS WORTHY OF IT!

Appraised Value [image]

Honor - value; price - the state of being highly respected (esteem and dignity) - Refers to the worth or merit of something, the amount at which it is valued. —> NEVER demeaning! (Not overlooked, under appreciated, disdained, etc.)

She is to be treasured, not used. - True intimate friendship… spending time, talking, praying… leading and loving with caring concern for her wellbeing and with sensitivity.

1 Peter: An Introduction and Commentary 2. Husbands: Live Considerately with Your Wives (3:7)

In this case such honour ought to include kind and affirming words both privately and in public, and high priority in choices regarding the use of one’s time and money.

Handle With Care

As the woman (literally “the female” or “the feminine one” - emphasis on her femininity)... is the “weaker” vessel - The NT in fact often uses vessel to refer to… a human being exercising a function, instrument, vessel - Acts 9:15, 2Co 4:7, Ro 9:22 [cf Jer 27:25, Ro 9:23, 1Pe 3:7, 1Th 4:4] and...

2 Timothy 2:21 ESV

Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work.

Again, there’s nothing demeaning in the term vessel. And “weaker” is a term that means to lack capacity for something. It can be used of illness and even moral weakness, but in half its NT uses it simply refers to lacking physical strength in some capacity.

Ray Pritchard writes that…

“weaker vessel” is similar to our word “vase.” This particular word was used of priceless, fragile china. It was also used of sacred vessels used in the temple for the worship of God. When Peter calls the wife the “weaker” vessel, he is not referring to moral character or to intellectual ability or to spiritual perception. It certainly does not refer to outward beauty. It refers primarily to the difference in physical strength between men and women. A man who takes that fully into account may end up doing some very odd things. [in order to show his wife how highly she is esteemed by him]

Husbands, all of this amounts to the fact that your goal is to protect and provide, and to nurture her:

Wiersbe: The husband should treat his wife like an expensive, beautiful, fragile vase, in which is a precious treasure. After they get married, many a husband forgets to be kind and gentlemanly and starts taking his wife for granted. He forgets that happiness in a home is made up of many little things, including the small courtesies of life. Big resentments often grow out of small hurts. Husbands and wives need to be honest with each other, admit hurts, and seek for forgiveness and healing. “Giving honor to the wife” does not mean “giving in to the wife.” A husband can disagree with his wife and still respect and honor her. As the spiritual leader in the home, the husband must sometimes make decisions that are not popular; but he can still act with courtesy and respect. “Grant honor” means that the husband respects his wife’s feelings, thinking, and desires. He may not agree with her ideas, but he respects them. Often God balances a marriage so that the husband needs what the wife has in her personality, and she likewise needs his good qualities. An impulsive husband often has a patient wife, and this helps to keep him out of trouble! The husband must be the “thermostat” in the home, setting the emotional and spiritual temperature. The wife often is the “thermometer,” letting him know what that temperature is! Both are necessary. The husband who is sensitive to his wife’s feelings will not only make her happy, but will also grow himself and help his children live in a home that honors God.

Fellow Heirs

“of the grace of life” - In Peter, this almost certainly refers to the fact that we both have equal access by grace through faith to the same eternal inheritance.

The New American Commentary: 1, 2 Peter, Jude (4) Husbands, Live Knowledgeably with Your Wives (3:7)

“heirs with you of the gracious gift of life,” showing that women are fundamentally equal with men.

Galatians 3:28–29 ESV

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise.

That of course is not to say that there are no differences between us… differences that are in fact worth celebrating.

1 Peter: An Introduction and Commentary 2. Husbands: Live Considerately with Your Wives (3:7)

Since you are joint heirs of the grace of life reminds husbands that even though they have been given greater authority within marriage, their wives are still equal to them in spiritual privilege and eternal importance: they are ‘joint heirs’.

In other words, do not abuse the God-given privilege and responsibility of a position of authority. Treat others with the highest honor, especially those who have a tendency to be treated with less honor! That’s exactly what Peter is saying, and it’s a common NT principle!

And Peter ends with a final warning in the verse:

Warning: Prayer Obstruction

You better get this right!, because…

This relating rightly to your spouse is so important that it impacts your fellowship with God! - “Husbands who ignore such a command will find that their prayers are hindered, which means that God will refuse to answer their prayers. God does not bless with his favor those who are in positions of authority and abuse those who are under them by mistreating them.” Thomas R. Schreiner, 1, 2 Peter, Jude, vol. 37, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2003), 161.

1 Peter: An Introduction and Commentary 2. Husbands: Live Considerately with Your Wives (3:7)

So concerned is God that Christian husbands live in an understanding and loving way with their wives, that he ‘interrupts’ his relationship with them when they are not doing so.

The New American Commentary: 1, 2 Peter, Jude (4) Husbands, Live Knowledgeably with Your Wives (3:7)

Husbands who ignore such a command will find that their prayers are hindered, which means that God will refuse to answer their prayers. God does not bless with his favor those who are in positions of authority and abuse those who are under them by mistreating them.

In a context of suffering… may she never suffer at YOUR hand. May she never suffer from your neglect, from your unfaithfulness, from your insensitivity. But even if she should suffer, may it be that you suffer with her, that you nurture and protect and promote her well-being!

1 Peter 3:12 ESV

For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

Conclusion:

Appraise Her Highly!

Precious in the sight of God - Each one of you is precious in the sight of God. Jesus Christ gave his life for us!

Uniquely yours in the sight of God - the two shall become one flesh (Mk 10:7, Gen 2:24)

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