Date Night-Pursuing Your Spouse
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Share Date Night Experiences
Share Date Night Experiences
Let's share dating experiences:
Let's share dating experiences:
-Last movie you both saw?
-Last Restaurant? What did you order?
-Best Date with your spouse?
OK, let's admit it...Dates can be exciting and exhilarating and then dates can also be expensive and exhausting.
However, what we will encounter and discuss this morning is: Dating does not stop after the "I Do."
Let's look at it this way:
“Marriage is the continual pursuit of your spouse and dating is the pursuit of someone you are attracted to.”
“Marriage is the continual pursuit of your spouse and dating is the pursuit of someone you are attracted to.”
So with that understanding:
It only reasons that dating your spouse is necessary in a Marriage.
Think of it this way:
“For the entirety of your marriage, you should be pursing each other!”
“For the entirety of your marriage, you should be pursing each other!”
or..Focus on this:
“Fight less, cuddle more. Demand less, serve more. Text less, talk more. Criticize less, compliment more. Stress less, laugh more. Worry less, pray more. With each new day, find new ways to love each other even more.”
“Fight less, cuddle more. Demand less, serve more. Text less, talk more. Criticize less, compliment more. Stress less, laugh more. Worry less, pray more. With each new day, find new ways to love each other even more.”
Demand less, serve more. Text less, talk more. Criticize less, compliment more. Stress less, laugh more. Worry less, pray more. With each new day, find new ways to love each other even more.”
Text less, talk more. Criticize less, compliment more. Stress less, laugh more. Worry less, pray more. With each new day, find new ways to love each other even more.”
Now I realize, this pursuing can be very challenging:
-Kids -Family Calendar
-Bills -Work
-Stresses -Health
When those and other challenges arise, Romance takes a back seat and if we are not careful, we will become roommates.
So how can we prevent becoming "roommates?"
We need a “Mind-Shift”
“Most marriage problems are caused by spouses who continue to think, act and behave like singles. If you are married, do the honorable thing. Think married, act married and behave responsibly as a married person.”
“Most marriage problems are caused by spouses who continue to think, act and behave like singles. If you are married, do the honorable thing. Think married, act married and behave responsibly as a married person.”
See, the mind shift is simple…You are married…so act married. Pursue Your Spouse Daily...
Please turn to . We will be reading thru 8:4 this morning
Let's learn from Solomon and the Shulamitte:
Here is a glimpse into their weekend getaway...
Follow with me. I’m reading out of the CSB translation this morning
Let’s Read...
11 Come, my love, let’s go to the field; let’s spend the night among the henna blossoms.
12 Let’s go early to the vineyards; let’s see if the vine has budded, if the blossom has opened, if the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my caresses.
13 The mandrakes give off a fragrance, and at our doors is every delicacy, both new and old. I have treasured them up for you, my love.
Song of Solomon 8:
1 If only I could treat you like my brother, one who nursed at my mother’s breasts, I would find you in public and kiss you, and no one would scorn me.
2 I would lead you, I would take you, to the house of my mother who taught me. I would give you spiced wine to drink from the juice of my pomegranate.
3 May his left hand be under my head, and his right arm embrace me.
4 Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you, do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.
We need to realize at this point, they are no longer “newlyweds.” They have been married for some time. Not sure exactly of the time frame; however, long enough for routine, chores, apathy to set into their relationship.
So with that understood, we can take a great lesson as Husbands and Wives as to how to keep the flames, even the embers, burning for another day…better yet, another night!
So keep these passages open this morning as we delve deeper into this picture of Date Night: Pursuing Your Spouse
1. A Lovely Invitation
1. A Lovely Invitation
verse 7:11-13
11 Come, my love, let’s go to the field; let’s spend the night among the henna blossoms.
12 Let’s go early to the vineyards; let’s see if the vine has budded, if the blossom has opened, if the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my caresses.
13 The mandrakes give off a fragrance, and at our doors is every delicacy, both new and old. I have treasured them up for you, my love.
Song of Solomon
Pursuit: This word should be one of your defining attributes in your marriage
Pursuit: This word should be one of your defining attributes in your marriage
"The act of following with a view to reach, accomplish or obtain."
"The act of following with a view to reach, accomplish or obtain."
So far we see in Scripture that both Solomon and the Shulamitte have done a great job of not only saying their love for each other, they have also displayed their love for each other.
Date Nights are great ways to Say It and Display It.
Date Nights are great ways to Say It and Display It.
However, there should be those special times to invest in baby sitters/relatives and get away for a weekend.
This is where we are in these 3 verses.
Let's look at her "Romance" displayed:
-Come my love
-Let's spend the night
-I will give you my love
-Mandrake a give off a fragrance
-Mandrake are an aphrodisiac and often referred to as the "Love Apple"
-Thought to promote and enhance sex
**She is not only saying, she is displaying**
**She is not only saying, she is displaying**
A great reminder for all of us:
Both spouses should initiate Romance and Sex!!
Both spouses should initiate Romance and Sex!!
We have witnessed Solomon initiating the "Romance and Sex" in their relationship...Until now.
Now, Shulamitte is taking the lead. She is taking extra time to plan this getaway.
The value of intimacy in a marriage is that it demonstrates affection and attraction towards your spouse.
"Your spouse needs to know that you love them, you need them, that you are attracted to them and that you enjoy spending time with them."
"Your spouse needs to know that you love them, you need them, that you are attracted to them and that you enjoy spending time with them."
Please listen...
Kerry and I can’t express this idea enough...
Kerry and I can’t express this idea enough...
Date Till Death!! Before you got married, you used to get excited when you anticipated a date. You would squeal with joy! You would clean up, dress up and freshen up. Do not be complacent and don’t take your spouse for granted.
Date Till Death!! Before you got married, you used to get excited when you anticipated a date. You would squeal with joy! You would clean up, dress up and freshen up. Do not be complacent and don’t take your spouse for granted.
To stay married you need to keep dating. Rekindle the spark, spice up things and keep the fire burning.
To stay married you need to keep dating. Rekindle the spark, spice up things and keep the fire burning.
Date your spouse again and recreate the good old days or create new memories!
Date your spouse again and recreate the good old days or create new memories!
The return on investment will surprise you.
The return on investment will surprise you.
This leads us to communication in our pursuit.
This leads us to communication in our pursuit.
Honest communication is vital to a healthy marriage.
Honest communication is vital to a healthy marriage.
Let's look at her communication:
Let's look at her communication:
-Shulamitte is clear and upfront with her intentions
-Private Getaway
-Private Room
-And Mandrakes!!
No misunderstanding at all!!!
We can see her honesty is a reflection of the security they share with one another.
Turn to Genesis chapter 2, verse 24. Genesis 2:24-25
I’m going to ask a question that needs to be asked but first we will find the answer in
24 This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.
25 Both the man and his wife were naked, yet felt no shame.
Did you see the sequence...
Leave-Cleave-Become One-Not Ashamed
Leave-Cleave-Become One-Not Ashamed
So, here’s that question...
"Can your spouse be upfront and forward with you without fear of how you are going to respond?"
"Can your spouse be upfront and forward with you without fear of how you are going to respond?"
Are you Transparent/Naked and not ashamed-fear of reprisal?
Can your spouse be honest with you about:
Can your spouse be honest with you about:
-Concerns -worries -Doubts
-Stress -Opinions
We must continually build security and Display commitment or else honesty will be fleeting.
Also, Romance Takes Work!!
Also, Romance Takes Work!!
We must work at daily pursuing our spouse.
Look at these verses
-11: go to the field
-12: go early to the vineyards
Shulamitte has taken extra time to ....
Shulamitte has taken extra time to ....
-coordinate schedules
-find a place to stay
-even brought some fruit to set the mood!
"Take time to know what brings excitement and pleasure for your spouse. Invest the time to pursue them!"
"Take time to know what brings excitement and pleasure for your spouse. Invest the time to pursue them!"
2. A Loving Demonstration
2. A Loving Demonstration
The loving invitation must be followed by a loving demonstration.
The loving invitation must be followed by a loving demonstration.
Shulamitte put her words into action!
Let’s go back to Song of Solomon chapter 8
Verse 8:1-3
1 If only I could treat you like my brother, one who nursed at my mother’s breasts, I would find you in public and kiss you, and no one would scorn me.
2 I would lead you, I would take you, to the house of my mother who taught me. I would give you spiced wine to drink from the juice of my pomegranate.
3 May his left hand be under my head, and his right arm embrace me.
-Remember on the wedding night, 4:10 "my sister, my bride."
-Now she wishes Solomon was like her brother...weird....No.
-Siblings could be seen in public showing affection for one another.
-However, affection or PDA's between a husband and and wife were not allowed.
**She wants to publicly display her love for him!**
**She wants to publicly display her love for him!**
**We all need to demonstrate our love for our spouses both privately and publically.**
**We all need to demonstrate our love for our spouses both privately and publically.**
Next we see the existence of their friendship with one another.
Think OF IT this way, it's one thing to choose to love your spouse...It's a bonus to truly like your spouse!
Think OF IT this way, it's one thing to choose to love your spouse...It's a bonus to truly like your spouse!
Check out the flirting going on...
Check out the flirting going on...
Verse 2 and 3
-Spiced wine from "her" pomegranate juice.
-embraced and locked in a romantic kiss
Turn to with me now
While you're turning there, let me ask you this… “What's been missing from the previous verses?”
While you're turning there, let me ask you this… “What's been missing from the previous verses?”
-Kids, work, Stresses, bills, calendars.... These are all distractions to romance.
Husbands, please don’t ever let the Flame of Intimacy and Excitement in your marriage go out..
Read with me
15 Drink water from your own cistern, water flowing from your own well.
16 Should your springs flow in the streets, streams in the public squares?
17 They should be for you alone and not for you to share with strangers.
18 Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving deer, a graceful doe— let her breasts always satisfy you; be lost in her love forever.
Proverbs 5:
Did you catch that last verse, at the end...
“Be lost in her love forever.”
“Be lost in her love forever.”
Husbands, pursue you wives…date your wives
Now, back to Song of Solomon, but chapter 5 this time
.
Wives, now I challenge you to do as the Shulamite woman did…she Pursued her husband.
Look how she describes her husband
10 My love is fit and strong, notable among ten thousand.
11 His head is purest gold. His hair is wavy and black as a raven.
12 His eyes are like doves beside flowing streams, washed in milk and set like jewels.
13 His cheeks are like beds of spice, mounds of perfume. His lips are lilies, dripping with flowing myrrh.
14 His arms are rods of gold set with beryl. His body is an ivory panel covered with lapis lazuli.
15 His legs are alabaster pillars set on pedestals of pure gold. His presence is like Lebanon, as majestic as the cedars.
16 His mouth is sweetness. He is absolutely desirable. This is my love, and this is my friend, young women of Jerusalem.
Song of Solomon
Again, notice the last verse...
“This is my love, and this is my friend, young women of Jerusalem.”
“This is my love, and this is my friend, young women of Jerusalem.”
Let's land this plane
Let's land this plane
"When the time is right, Awaken love!"
"When the time is right, Awaken love!"
Let’s go back to
4 Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you, do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.
Song of Solomon
Verse 4
Verse 4
-She said this 2x before marriage
-Why now??
the key words are … "The Appropriate Time!”
There is a new focus within marriage
There is a new focus within marriage
Before Marriage: Say and Display your love for God by Waiting.
Before Marriage: Say and Display your love for God by Waiting.
Within Marriage: Say and Display your love for God by Pursing!!
Within Marriage: Say and Display your love for God by Pursing!!
Also, she is passing this information to the next generation.
Ask yourself this.
Ask yourself this.
"How are you displaying and passing the Biblical standards of marriage to the next generation?"
"How are you displaying and passing the Biblical standards of marriage to the next generation?"
Let’s close with this...
Marriage is a Journey, not a Destination: Growing in marriage is a lifetime process. Knowing your spouse is a lifetime study. Your marriage is work-in-progress. God is not finished with your marriage until it perfectly reflects His marriage with His bride, the church. Great marriages are not built overnight.
Marriage is a Journey, not a Destination: Growing in marriage is a lifetime process. Knowing your spouse is a lifetime study. Your marriage is work-in-progress. God is not finished with your marriage until it perfectly reflects His marriage with His bride, the church. Great marriages are not built overnight.
Two unique people who grew up in different places, under different circumstances, and from different parents cannot suddenly become one flesh. God said, “The two shall become one flesh.” He didn’t say, “The two shall suddenly become one flesh.” Give God time to perfect the union. Give the Holy Spirit time to transform you and your spouse. The oneness of marriage is a work of a lifetime.
Two unique people who grew up in different places, under different circumstances, and from different parents cannot suddenly become one flesh. God said, “The two shall become one flesh.” He didn’t say, “The two shall suddenly become one flesh.” Give God time to perfect the union. Give the Holy Spirit time to transform you and your spouse. The oneness of marriage is a work of a lifetime.
Invest in Your Marriage Today!
Invest in Your Marriage Today!
Date Your Spouse!
Date Your Spouse!
Pursue Your Spouse!
Pursue Your Spouse!
Close in Prayer
Close in Prayer