Sermon Tone Analysis
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7-27-08
Under One Roof
One reason this scene is so funny is because the program writers have taken a situation with which we’re all familiar and they have exaggerated it a bit, but maybe it’s not all that exaggerated.
Some brothers and sisters do have relationships where hostility and bitterness are lurking right below the surface ready to flare up at the slightest provocation.
And these people look at a topic like sibling relationship and they say, “That’s an oxymoron.
Those words-- sibling and relationship--are like oil and water.
They just don’t go together.”
But sibling rivalry, sibling conflict--we get that.
The fact is that sibling rivalry often starts early and then later gives rise to sibling conflict.
One book about sibling rivalry said when parents bring home a new baby, they have this kind of naive expectation that the kids who are already a part of the family are going to welcome this new child in and feel so happy about the arrival of this new life, but it’s usually not what happens.
And to impress the reality of what it’s like, in the existing child’s mind to have a baby brother or sister the author suggests this exercise.
Imagine for a moment that you are a wife and your spouse comes up one day, puts his arm around you and says, “Honey, you’re so wonderful and I love you so much, that I’ve decided to have another wife--a new wife just like you.”
And then imagine the new wife coming to be part of the family and she’s real cute.
She’s just adorable.
In fact when you go out in public other people--strangers--stop you and they look at the new wife and they talk about how beautiful she is.
“You’re beautiful,” they say to the new wife.
And then they turn to you and they say, “And what do you think about the new wife?”
And then one day your spouse goes into your room and into your closet and begins to take your clothes out of there, because the new wife needs some new clothes.
And you protest and you say, “No.
Those are my clothes.”
But your husband says, “Well, they were yours, but you’re bigger than you used to be, and those clothes are kind of tight on you, but they’ll fit the new wife just fine.
Let’s give them to her.” Now that’s what it feels like.
Well, sibling conflict is as old as families themselves, and in the book of beginnings, we see 3 classic examples of homes where there is intense sibling conflict.
In the book of Genesis chapter 4, 25, & 37. Let me read to you about each of these stories.
You’ll recognize them.
The first is the story of Cain and Abel.
"Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain.
She said, ‘With the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man.’
Later she gave birth to his brother Abel.
Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil.
In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord.
But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock.
The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor...Now Cain said to his brother Abel, ‘Let’s go out to the field.’
And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.
Then the Lord said to Cain, ‘Where is your brother Abel?’ ‘I don’t know,’ he replied.
‘Am I my brother’s keeper?’” [Genesis 4:1-5, 8-9]
"When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb.
The first to come out was red, and his whole body was like a hairy garment; so they named him Esau.
After this, his brother came out, with his hand grasping Esau’s heel; so he was named Jacob.
Isaac was sixty years old when Rebekah gave birth to them.
The boys grew up, and Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was a quiet man, staying among the tents.
Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.
Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished.
He said to Jacob, ‘Quick, let me have some of that red stew!
I’m famished!’
(That is why he was also called Edom.) Jacob replied, ‘First sell me your birthright.’
‘Look, I am about to die,’ Esau said.
‘What good is the birthright to me?’
But Jacob said, ‘Swear to me first.’
So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob." [Genesis 25:24-33, NIV]
"When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.
Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more...
But they saw him in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him...So when the Midianite merchants came by, his brothers pulled Joseph up out of the cistern and sold him for twenty shekels of silver to the Ishmaelites, who took him to Egypt." [Genesis 37:4-5, 18, 28]
Well, if we put sibling relationships on a continuum, on one end we would surely have all 3 of these accounts from Genesis of sibling conflict.
On this end we have cases where there’s almost open warfare, where holiday gatherings turn into battlegrounds-- where brothers and sisters can’t stand to be in the same room with each other.
And on the other end, would be siblings who have an incredibly close and fulfilling relationship--deeper than they have with any other person.
Listen to what one 61 year old woman said about her 70 year old sister.
“There’s chemistry between us.
It’s spiritual.
It’s so deep you can’t explain it to someone else.
I’m happily married.
I have lots of friends, but that’s not the point.
I can only go so longer without a sister fix.”
So you have these 2 extremes.
And between these 2 extremes would be sibling relationships that are cordial but shallow (that may describe yours)--relationships that once were warm but which now have cooled (that may describe yours); those that are ambivalent where sibling drive each other a little crazy, but they still feel attracted to each other; and then there are the relationships where there’s just indifference--where people are brothers and sisters in name only.
Surveys have shown that 91% of people want better relationships with their siblings.
Folks, that’s virtually everyone.
So it is almost unanimous and yet we hear so little about this topic.
And, as I was preparing this message, I realized I’d never heard a sermon on sibling harmony in the home before--and yet it’s such a need with the prevalence of conflict in both the biological and also blended families.
So I want us to tackle it together today.
I want us to see if we have a word from our heavenly Father to help us achieve a godly family with sibling harmony in the home.
So to do it, we need to look first of all at the causes of disharmony and then we’ll turn the corner and look at the cure for disharmony.
Now the principles that we’re going to look at here have application to all of our relationships in the family, to our relationships with neighbors and friends and work associates and our brothers and sisters in our church family.
Here’s the bottom line: Christ followers must be the most relationally healthy people on the planet.
"as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
[Romans 12:18, NIV]
"If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
[1 Timothy 5:8, NIV]
So, what are the causes of disharmony?
Well, the text of Scriputre reveals at least 3 sources of division between siblings in the family and the first one is this--what I would call unresolved issues.
In the 3 families referenced in the Genesis stories, there were unresolved issues that related to a blended family, that related to favoritism, and that related to openly expressed contempt.
First, the blended family.
That was a particular problem in the case of Joseph.
His father had taken 4 wives, and he had 12 sons and 1 daughter, Dinah.
Do you have any idea how many relationships this involves?
Remember the Brady Bunch back in the 70s.
There was a mom and dad, Mike and Carol, and each of them brought 3 children into the household for a total of 6 kids.
Some of you could probably sing the theme song right now.
Mike had 3 sons.
Carol had 3 daughters and so in this one household there were a total of 57 difference relationships and that doesn’t even count Alice, the housekeeper.
Now, compare that to the family of Joseph.
His father has 4 wives, more than double the number of children.
There are actually 306 different relationships in that family.
What would that have been like?
There is potential for more conflict in these situations.
In this decade we have more second marriages than first marriages.
Currently 50,000 children a month are added to step-families nationwide.
Today, it’s not conlusive, but it’s suspected that we now have more blended families than we have traditional families.
But, God used the family of Joseph in an incredible way.
And, if He used this family then He can use and bless your family.
But, you’ve got to be aware of the challenge.
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